The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I use POF, have tried others but find it hard to meet people who live less than a hour away, POF has a lot more traffic.

POF has been a bit dead for me today and not looking good for a date this week. Mr deep thinker has messaged me a few times but no talk of a date yet, I think he might be a bit shy so I might have to make the first move. Mr Surf hasn't contacted me since yesterday when I told him I couldn't meet up Friday afternoon due to school run times. Mr driver just keeps sending suggestive texts which are getting a bit annoying and then he gets funny when I ignore him. No new potential irons today.

I do think POF has the most traffic, I get more messages from that than anywhere and I like the fact you can put quite a lot of detail in. But yes, anyone can message you and that's a bit of a pain. I hated Tinder but found mr Texan on there so currently giving it the benefit of the doubt!

fortunacookie yeah I definitely want to find out sooner rather than later. Also sometimes you don't desperately fancy then until you start getting intimate and find they actually do press your buttons.

Well, I'm messaging a few people. Check me dipping my toe back in.

I finally bit the bullet and replied to Mr Nice, who I just don't think I'll find attractive and who I don't think will find me attractive, but with whom I have a lot in common. Damn, I want to friend zone him already.

Mr Married keeps trying to set up me up with his friend and has gone quiet, both of which things condemn him to the "plain weird" box. TBH, from what he said, I don't think he should be OLD - I think the separation is too soon.

Exchanged a bit of banter with Mr Meet Me who may or may not be attractive (he's one of those ones where the pictures could go either way) but has a good way with words. I like words. It's a good start.

Smeaton Sounds promising. Am keeping fingers crossed for you.

Like everyone else, as much as I don't like POF, it's what I keep coming back to, because even though it has the most weirdos, it has the most people. You just have to wade through a lot of weirdos.

So talk to me about Guardian no mates! My friends male and female have read my profile and vetted my pictures. My phone has been hacked and randoms messsged in the pub...I've been bold and sent quite a few messages. It's a desert....

A friend of mine from RL swears by GSM, but when I had a look on it, I found all the same weirdos and creeps from OKC with a few lies thrown on top. That really put me off. Plus you have to pay to use it, so you have to pay to meet the same weirdos and creeps as on OKC.

She's also from London (ish), so I don't know what she's doing differently. Maybe her search criteria are different.

I need some guidance with this whole OLD malarkey.
I just get weirdos! Not one normal person so far and it's getting so boring only getting messages asking if I like to be fisted etc
I have 5 or 6 pics on my profile all recent, nothing that screams I am amenable to those sorts of messages but it's all I get.
The only normal bloke I've come across ghosted me 30 mins before we were supposed to meet
Every guy who starts off seeming ok within a few messages is talking sexual preferences- I'm 34 and wondering if I'm just a prude or if that's what everyone does these days?

Hey all, just checking in to say, Mr Open-Minded and Curious wasn't talking about sexy stuff. He said he was the 1% who meant it about life. (normally I'd say, yeah right, but the rest of it was very convincing). Anyway, putting out feelers about meeting up as can only go on talking so long before knowing if there's actual chemistry there.
I don't think I've seen the site I use on here...tastebuds?
It's not ostensibly about dating but that is an aspect of it. What I like is that it opens you up to people around the world which is perfect for me as I love an accent. Big range of ages too and not the usual bald, serial killer eyes / Mackenzie Crook looking types you get on the big sites.

I think on dtd I really like the advice that it depends how you'd feel if they ghosted you. I'll use that as my rule of thumb.

I'm still confused by friend - lots of contact and lots of forensic questions from him about my past relationships, but nothing else that necessarily turns it from the friend realm to something else.

Also wondered how many questions about your past you'd expect?

AbernathysFringe Ha! Funny you should say that, I just skipped a profile where I thought the man in it genuinely looked like he would murder me and countless others. What is it with OLD and terrible pics?

I hadn't heard of tastebuds. Just done a little google and it seems to be aimed at people who are into their music. Not really my scene, but please do keep dropping names of sites that we haven't all used, we do all collectively seem to be running out of steam!

Ummmm, have been thinking all evening and I think I would be quite gutted if after DTD Mr Texan ghosted me. Should I hold out longer? He messages me multiple times a day, just normal stuff, and he almost always initiates messaging.

I'm so straightforward I just want to ask "look I really would like to sleep with you but not if that's as far as this is going to go" why why why can't we just say that?!?

A guys POV-If I were you hold out a little longer!

Fieryfighter Men lie. A lot. If you say "...but not if that's as far as this is going to go", of course he will say "I totally want this to go further". From what you've said, I don't think you're ready to DTD with Mr Texan. Get to know him a bit better first and feel more certain of his feelings.

I might go on a date with Mr Meet Me. He's funny. I like funny.

Namey is there any chance that he's gay and not out? And backing off when he thinks he's maybe given off the wrong signals? And then coming back when he misses the close friendship?
Asking as someone who had a year long love affair with a gorgeous guy who knew he was gay but was trying to be straight. He wasn't out with anyone but his best gf and was strangely incredible in bed! It's very possible to be confused by someone elses confusion.

Pringle it IS aimed at connecting over music, but actually, most people there are just as into music as anyone else. There are a few musicians and djs but otherwise it doesn't make much of a difference. I message people who I have almost zero in common with music wise if I like the look. One other good feature it has is, if you like someone (they won't see that you have, only that you've viewed them) and they also like you back, your messaging is free.

Yeah I probably need to hold out a bit longer, although dear god I need some action!

Pringlecat it's amazing how much more attractive someone is when they're funny

Interesting idea, but not gay.

I have a bad feeling that I am simply an option rather than a focus if that makes sense. If it really was there I wouldn't be asking, right?

Fieryfighter I met mine on Tinder too and he is funny. He's definitely not Texan though. He's been away for a week and we've been messaging a lot and phoning each other. I actually can't wait until I see him again on Wednesday. It will be a over a week since I've seen him and I hope I still feel the same. And then we're planning to spend the day together on Thursday.......I really want to wait a little longer before....He's been hinting so I'm going to try and play it VERY cool :-)

Pringlecat yeah my guy makes me laugh too n I do like the way he laughs...think it's very important to share a sense of humour

He's 6'4 too n just the right build I love, feel safe when I'm with him and I do feel like he'd look after me

Fiery oh I do hope he pushes my buttons when we DTD although unlike you I'm just not feeling that way...just yet

Hi everyone
Back on here again, as became single as of last night
Actually, I'm feeling ok about it, as ending it was the only dignified conclusion for me. Lovely, genuine guy, but his work was a nightmare and made it nigh on impossible to spend much time together. Waiting around for someone might be ok in the advanced stages of a relationship, but it's an unrealistic expectation in the early days. Besides, accepting 'low par' is a slippery slope in my view, and not something I am prepared to do.
Not quite sure where to go from here. Too many old faces on Match and POF, the only two sites I've used so far. Tinder isn't an option for me, due to current IT restrictions.
My brother and his girlfriend met through Zoosk? Has anyone tried this?
Thanks and speak soon

Hi Dieu sorry to see you're back too hope you know what I mean . One of the men that I have an upcoming date with I had messaged two months before. Did you have any reserves possibles on whstsapp that you could contact again?

I ended things by saying I wouldn't multidate so just messaged and said I'm single again, expect you aren't but let me know if you would like to chat. If you have put some ground work in to chatting before it can be easy to pick up again.

I know how you feel dieu I came back to OD after the guy is been dating for 2 months decided that he didn't want to have to share me with my 4 year old he knew I had him when we started dating but hey ho onwards n upwards eh...things end for a reason

Dieu I quite like OKCupid. Worth a try?

Thanks all. Love you lot, and the silver lining to this is that I'm back here

Sorry to see you back, Dieu. Next time's the charm, right?

After exchanging a series of messages with Mr Meet Me in which he's shown he has a good sense of humour, I've just realised how bloody tall he is. He is close to a foot taller than me!

11 inches taller... say a couple of inches in heels... 9 inches. Is that ridiculous? Damn, why do I always forget to look at height before I talk to men? I am going to be short and stumpy next to him!