The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Smeaton If it makes you feel better, I have ignored some objectively good looking men because they just weren't my type. The ones I ignore aren't all swamp donkeys!

Just ignored one which seems to be a clever copy and paste job as it actually says nothing about me and the guy's profile makes him seem a bit cocky. Please don't give up and keep on messaging with details that shows you've made an effort!

Smeaton if you're in a densely populated area it may be better to just say "I noticed you like X in your profile, I have/know/would likto know about that too.

I live by a city with a large town nearby. At 8pm I had 14 messages. The ones that stand out refer to me and show memory of our conversation and my profile. Most were hi babe

I have a date eek! Either Tue or Wed and it is kind of linked to RL as I had his number. We met through OLD, but we couldn't meet over three weeks, he had to cancel, and then I saw someone else. I explained that I was sorry and wished him well. Now single I messaged him and it's like messaging someone that I half know as we originally messaged a lot. He's single at the moment and was happy I got in contact. He's MrCook and I may have another I'll see next weekend.

Right so I've now been ghosted after a first date for the THIRD TIME in last few weeks so I officially give up.

Its insane, all these guys have made the first move, taken me out for drinks/dinner and paid for everything (without me asking), seemed interested in seeing me again, and then...nothing!

I obviously smell or something. Feck it all...

It's not just you Nearly I've had the same. Clearly they can't handle the awesomeness. (That is what I'm telling myself anyway)

NearlyFree17 I'm wondering whether some guys when they have "paid for everything" feel like they don't owe you anything after the date?

For myself I try to keep first dates short, coffee or drinks only. If drinks and the guy has bought me a drink I would then always buy a second round (unless I absolutely had to get away from him but that hasn't happened). If coffee, sometimes I buy, sometimes he buys and it is only the price of a coffee so no worries. I often arrive a bit early and get a drink for myself and settle myself in.

Do you message the guys after the date or do you wait for them to contact you?

Hi Pavonia

They've all refused to let me pay for anything! (and I am not skint, and offered to go halves etc and then said I would pay next time when they insisted...)

Date #1 - we texted day after the date, then when I suggested meeting again he went silent..but I think he has ex trouble to be fair.

date #2 - he asked me on the date if I wanted to see him again, I said yes, we snogged at the end of the evening... I text him a few days later to say thanks for a great evening, do you still want to meet again...silence!

date #3 - he was going away for a few days and we agreed to meet up when he got back. I didn't hear from him...texted him to say hi, are you back now shall we meet up ...? Nothing!

And in all 3 cases I thought we got on really well, I guess they all got better offers in the meantime...

newbieonlinedater

You have more opportunity on POf than tinder to write about things. Tinder you only have a limited amount. My POf profile states I have kids and I'm upfront about that, I don't think there's any point not. It doesn't say about kids on my tinder but I let out be known early on when chatting o
In case I'm wasting time on someone who'd run a mile from a woman with kids. That said all my profiles are hidden currently after second date with mr Texan.

On the note when do we all think it's best to sleep with someone? Weds will be my third date with mr Texan and it's all going very well indeed, huge sparks flying. This weekend I'm child free so will be into 4th date territory and I'm desperate to jump his bones 😂

NearlyFree fair enough, you did your bit!

Date #1 - he might be one of those that has trouble being honest about not wanting to meet up again. Personally I have no problem saying that I enjoyed meeting but don't see romance for us. I have had a guy message me straight after a date saying he enjoyed it and would like to do it again and then nothing, I think he thought it was the polite thing to do!

Date # - odd! Unless he just said what he did in the hope of snog/sex!

Date # - same as #1?

You can't know what else is going on with them but it is just bad manners when they don't reply!

I think this is where the phrase "it's a numbers game" comes in. You are getting dates with guys that you like, that is very positive in itself. You just have to keep doing it until you meet the right one.

I really do think it is best to keep first dates short and casual, hardly dates at all. to avoid becoming too invested. If you both like each other then you can arrange a proper date soon after.

Had a crap C&P message from someone who left the crap C&P wording in his profile description. He is also sticking his tongue out in every other picture - does he think he is Miley Cyrus or something? Mind boggles.

RE being ghosted after the guy has paid in full, I always find that weird too. If it's clear there's not going to be a second date, I always try to split the bill so neither of us owes the other one anything, if you know what I mean.

Pringlecat yes that makes sense re splitting the bill, and on other occasions I have done that.

I'm undecided whether to take a break from dating or carry on and try to develop a thicker skin. As someone said "Its the hope that kills you not the despair!".

Smeaton I ask myself what is the benefit of swapping numbers. If someone has the POF app on their phone (rather than just using the website) then I don't really see the benefit. I would rather meet up and then exchange numbers later if we like each other. I find that men often offer up their number after arranging to meet anyway, but I don't feel obliged to reciprocate. I find it off-putting when men seem very keen to get my number.

If someone sounds like they are on my wavelength in their messages and we've covered the basics e.g. location, children then I prefer to meet for a coffee rather than endlessly message a stranger. Remember she may not be all that she appears.

I usually exchange mobile numbers with people before meeting in case of app glitches. I have had Tinder stop working on my phone from time to time. I've not had any problems with anyone I've given my number to. (Famous last words)

Good luck for your date Smeaton

Fieryfighter On the note when do we all think it's best to sleep with someone? Weds will be my third date with mr Texan and it's all going very well indeed, huge sparks flying. This weekend I'm child free so will be into 4th date territory
I'm in exactly the same position and wondering the same. Third date on Wednesday too (but not with Mr Texan!)

I have been chatting to someone for 2/3 days on POF and haven't exchanged numbers yet. Sometimes I exchange numbers after a day or 2 and sometimes I don't.

Hi

I'm a 42 year old male who is recently single and looking to start dating again.
Its been a long time since I last dated, approximately 15 years, and a lot has changed, both with me and the dating game so I'm looking for advise please
+Best websites
+Creating a good on line profile,
+online etiquette etc
Do people still meet in bars or is it all on line ??

I have dtd on date 2 before, but often on around date 4. I think a simple rule is how would you feel if he then ghosted you? This can happen at any stage, but if you would find it a massive emotional slap then it's probably better to wait. There are other theories about making sex a challenge, but it's all debatable.

Personally I've wanted to know that I was physically compatible with my date and will talk about sex early on I was more of a worrier and slimmer before I entered my 40s now it's more about my needs and I stress less

I'm definitely thinking it may happen this weekend, the kissing was pretty steamy last night and we both seem very keen on each other. There is also the fact that it's my child free weekend so won't have as good an opportunity for a fortnight!

I also want to know about physical compatability early on as it's hugely important to me. My last bf was already emotionally invested before finding out he wouldn't do certain things.

I'm also not very good at coyly holding out on the sex and I'm rubbish at game playing!

fedupandnogin I'm glad it's not my Mr Texan 😂 but will be waiting to hear how you get on! I'm hoping we're both far enough forward with dates for it to be ok!

One more question !
Do you have to pay for all the best sites ?

I'm in pof and find it the best one but just annoying thing is anyone can text you

Fiery im very impatient n usually want to find out there 'capability between the sheets' at an earlyish stage (date 3 or 4) I'm now on date 2 with mr tall n although I do like him I'm not sure I fancy him but I wanna see if things develop..he very shy too so I really wanna take things slow n see how things pan out..he has odd interests but I like him n he doesn't annoy me which most do if I don't directly fancy them

User you probably need to jump in and learn as you go. I would suggest starting with one of the major free sites. I personally prefer OKCupid to Plenty of Fish, but having said that I have met someone on POF and it seems to be developing into something.

Make sure that you have some decent photos, preferably at least 3. Take some new ones if necessary ( a lot of men have terrible photos). Avoid group shots and random photos that aren't of you. Don't make your profile too long but try to be honest and interesting and proof read it. If you can get a friend to read it (preferably female) that's even better. Update your profile as you think of new things. You may want to "shop the competition" before setting up an account for real.

When you message people avoid text speak, show that you have read their profile, ask a question.

These are just a few thoughts, much of it remains a mystery to me.