The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

yes sounds like a player,good for you that your being realistic about him and not setting yourself up for heartache

Well, he wouldn't commit to meeting me, so he's history, lesson learned.

Well last night I had a date with mr Texan, met at 7.30, had a great time, getting on very well but he announces he had to leave to get to tesco before it shuts at 10 - I was. bit wtf? I thought we were out for the the evening and it was going really well, we're having fun and he's very tactile,

He walks me to the taxi rank, holding my arm, very gentlemanly and gives me a very lingering kiss, texts me asking if I'm home and keeps texting to arrange a date Sunday and generally chatting etc.

I thought it was really weird for him to end the date just to get to tesco... But that's literally the only thing that was odd, rest of date was great and he seems very keen to meet again. I wonder if he just wants to take it slow?

smeaton yes our first date. Chatted online and spoken on the phone.

That's what i can't get my head around, if it's going well why not sack off the shopping? He said he needed cat food but we have a 24hr spar if need be!

I really liked him :-(

Ha! My cats get whatever they're given 😂

Maybe his cat only eats one type of food? My cat eats what it's given too, if he's hungry he will eat it. I wouldn't read too much into it though as the rest all sounds good.

I have been chatting to Mr Driver for 2 days, I really like the sound and look of him and hopefully we will arrange a date soon, he seems quite chilled out and uncomplicated (so far), he's quite local and his work hours make it quite easy to arrange to meet up. Mr surf hasn't messaged me today, I'm kind of pleased as there's no real conversation between us.

Fieryfighter Maybe it was his pre-agreed exit plan? You know, like having to meet someone else afterwards so the date doesn't go beyond a set limit. Not necessarily because he wanted to flee, but because he only wanted to spent X number of hours with a first date in case she wasn't interested in him. That sort of thing.

I agree, it is a bit strange though!

Yeah I'm trying not to read too much into it but you know what it's like! I've messaged him good morning on what's app but it's not been seen yet, I know where he works has dodgy signal though. We'll see... I resisted the temptation to ask why he had to visit tesco!!

Good luck with mr driver love music

He's told you why he had to visit Tesco, fieryfighter.

If anyone on here posted that they'd had a nice first date, stayed longer than intended and then had to rush to Tesco on the way home to get cat food, no one would think twice of it.

And if they then said that the date was quizzing them over why they didn't use a different shop, people would say they were a weirdo.

You had a nice time, don't overthink it.

Ok so we've messaged today and he says he had fun and we're meeting Sunday. He's also asked if I'm free next weekend so all seems good. Must not over think! It's hard when it's such a bloody minefield.

Thought I'd drop in and say hi, been a while. Hope everyone is doing okay.

I've been trying to distance myself from the phone as been on it too much. I emptied my POF account and haven't been back on it for weeks. Removed Bumble and OKCupid. Still got Tinder but haven't had a match on there for months.

Logged out of Facebook and deleted the app last week, haven't been on it since. Project UnPhone is going pretty well so far.

As for dating, absolutely nothing on the scene in the real world. I've decided to follow the advice of Gabrielle and Brian Harvey.

If you ever fall in love again, you must make sure the lady is a friend.

Sound advice!

Quite envious of all the people going on actual dates. I've been back on OLD for a couple of weeks now and so far have had a lot of 'hey baby' messages, a few boring ones that have fizzled out and one (what seemed like a potential) who later told me he was living abroad . Isn't this fun? Trying to lower expectations & be open-minded so messaged a few men that aren't my usual type (going by profile) and will see where that goes.

How long have you all been OLD?

Laura this is my 2nd time OLD, been on there 6 months thIs time and haven't had many dates (mainly due to the same men being on there as last time I was OLD). I get a lot of 'hi sexy' which I ignore, sometimes I will get a nice message but usually from someone I don't find atractive.

Fieryfighter That sounds good, it could have been an exit plan or he really could have needed cat food. One of my mum's cats will only eat a certain type of food; something else and she'd rather starve and is already skinny.

pringle that's shit at least you know now though.

I've been on OLD for coming up to 3 months and have taken a break. I still have Tinder, although it's more for friends as I am an Xbox gamer and would like friends with the same games who aren't also friends with my ex.
I am still messaging Mr IT on WA from OKC, but realistically, can't meet him until next Fri, then it's the next weekend. A bit about him as he sent a message that he likes me bcs I don't talk about sex like the other girls ?? How are you supposed to respond to that?!
I'm taking a break from OLD for a while, if I meet someone in RL (doubtful!) so be it. In the meantime, I'm going to occupy myself with my FB.

Hi all.

It's been a while. The Nurse cheated on me. I'm out for a while. Wishing you all lots of luck and fabulous dates.

Hi all, can I join again?

I originally started using OLD in Aug 2016. A few days ago ended relationship from pof coming up for the two month stage. Things weren't progressing and the past few weeks it felt more like FWB. I was at the point where no obvious red flags felt I could start to really like him, but my subconcious said something was missing. I was trying to dismiss it, but he was evading questions then we had a long phone conversation and he said most of his relationships have ended as women think he is emotionally cold can see what they mean . On the surface things were good, regularly meeting and messages, but no real emotional attachment. Messages always about practical things. MB good but no romance. I think he may have attachment avoident issues.

In the past I would have carried on longer hoping to see a change, but the new me is trying to be more realistic and he said this is how he has always been.

I have looked through thread and know many are taking OLD breaks. I can understand this it can feel draining, but I went into this originally thinking it's a numbers game and have zero chance in RL so will probably go back onto OLD soon.

Hi DoIdon'tI we're back at the same time!

Sorry about the nurse. I hope you are ok.

Not really, Lana. He had me - and I fell for it.

Ah well.

DoIDontIhavethetalk I'm so sorry. Being cheated on is awful (my ex married his OW, so I do know what it's like). How did you find out, and are you taking care of yourself? If you haven't already told some friends in RL, you need to get them to give you a real life hand hold. These things are really hard to bounce back from.

And this why I absolutely can never spend any one-to-one time alone with Mr Young again. I want him, but I will not knowingly do that to another woman.

LanaDReye I am starting to lose faith in OLD. I haven't done it for months now - I've had a look a few times but not sent any messages. RL isn't much better - I've just had my heart broken by someone I'd known IRL for a few years. I thought RL might be better, because with OLD, you never really know who someone is, but with RL, you still don't know. People find ways to hide all kinds of crap.

Allthembuckets Interesting comment. Is he devastatingly attractive? Because otherwise I wouldn't expect all the sex chat.

Laura9867 I first dipped my toes into OLD last autumn, but have taken several extended breaks, so I suppose not that long really when you deduct all the time I've sworn off it. OLD seems to really test our resilience...

InfoSec21 Ordinarily I would have agreed, but this lady was a friend and that man was a player. I've now given up on RL as well as OLD... I think I may have to become a nun. It seems to be the only option left...

I caught him out online, Pringle and this followed a week of back and forth where he managed to turn the tables on me and had me believing he thought I was cheating on him (I'd set up a fake account)

It's 2 weeks on and I'm not sure when I'll dare dip my toe in again.

Argh once again I am reading this thread and thinking if there are articulate, funny, thoughtful single people (on here), why are there so many emotionally-unavailable, weird or unpleasant singles on OLD?

I know the answer really, just wish that sites had a way to pre-label based on previous behavior!

Pringle and DoIdontI it's their loss, not that it probably feels like it at the moment as it's horrible feeling afterwards, but they both sound like players so in the long-term there could have been bigger pain to face (my ex of 18yr went off with OW so I'm more distrustful now too).

I think I'm pigheaded stubborn, but I want to beat the OLD system and actually get past the two month stage into something real.

LanaDReye Two months though, that's something. I haven't got past three dates...

Emotionally unavailable, legally unavailable, physically unavailable... You know what, sod this whole anonymity thing, dating would work better if people had to be vetted first. Personal references from friends, exes, and police checks... I'm only half-joking... It's so hard to take a chance when everyone lies all the time.

DoIDontIhavethetalk That's awful. I don't blame you for taking a bit of time out. Be kind to yourself. I think you'll know when you're ready to give it a go again.