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Original poster

The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

999 replies

Bant · 16/05/2017 18:55

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 11/06/2017 18:58

Thank you for your advice it really helps.

I messaged Mr Surf and told him I didn't feel comfortable speaking on the phone but hopefully we can meet up when he returns from his 2 weeks away, I told him there was no rush to meet up. He seemed ok with this but I guess I don't really know, maybe he's not but tough.

I have a couple other irons and hopefully I will secure a date for next weekend.

Monkeybunkey · 12/06/2017 09:39

Morning all. I had my first POF date this weekend. We messaged on the site for a while on Saturday, then swapped numbers and carried on texting and it turns out we have a mutual friend who I've known for 20-plus years! Met up for an hour or so yesterday and have our first "proper" date tomorrow night. I'd only been OLD for a couple of weeks and was close to giving up, I'd encountered that many married/odd guys!

pringlecat · 12/06/2017 11:38

Monkeybunkey Ooh, sounds good! Have you resisted the temptation to grill the mutual friend for details yet? Wink

Monkeybunkey · 12/06/2017 11:52

He's mentioned him before and said we'd get on well but never got round to introducing us! It sounds like he's been grilling him though, so he must be keen!

Allthembuckets · 12/06/2017 17:50

Monkeybunkey that sounds great. I hope it goes well on the "proper" date Smile

I had a date with Mr Engineer on Sunday, but I was a bit Hmm about him as he had been a bit clingy (asking if I was ignoring him when I hadn't replied to his message just over 2 hours later) and a bit sporadic at sending messages, which I wasn't sure if it was game playing or genuine busyness. I never chased, wouldn't ask anything like that! The date was OK but there were lulls in the conversation, so I have told him I don't want to take it further.

I'm still talking to Mr IT on WA. We shall see!

There's no one on POF. I was looking at someone on OKC but nothing else is happening for me!

Fieryfighter · 12/06/2017 20:11

Hey everyone, been reading through some of this thread and thought I'd chip in. Been back in the dating game a few weeks after splitting up from my ex (who I met on pof) a year ago. I'd forgotten what a minefield it is!

Had three dates, first one was such a dull man and his photos about a decade out of date, I couldn't wait to leave after a very dull walk (and I love walking!) Second one was nice, we got on well but no spark plus when he said he was a biker I didn't actually expect him to turn up in his leather waistcoat with biker gang patches!

Third was truly abysmal, his oh so cool surf dude pictures in his wetsuit hid the fact he was cross eyed and about half as thin as me but the worst was about ten minutes in he said "not to be rude, but blacks are nasty'" Confused along with choice other phrases and so much swearing (and I'm not the most ladylike of tongue myself!)

Anyway, date number 4 is on Thurs and I thought I might need your support people! He sounds great, we have lots of similar interests, lives close by and his accent made me weak at the knees when we spoke earlier (Texan). I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much!!

AbernathysFringe · 12/06/2017 21:03

Helloo! Talking to a nice guy online. Czech, handsome, intelligent, interesting. He thinks I've asked what he's looking for in someone (I haven't, that'd be naff, but nevermind) and he replies with:
'open-minded and curious, adventurous and caring, willing to talk things through when there is a problem rather than bottling it up'.
When I read the first two my immediate thought was 'oh god' - 99 times out a 100 when a guy says that, he means he likes kinky stuff right? Or is that just my brain and he might mean it as in open-minded and curious about life? It would be a major minus if he did mean it about sex. Can't be bothered. But it was THE FIRST thing he listed?!

Fieryfighter · 12/06/2017 21:19

I'd also think the same to be honest!

AbernathysFringe · 12/06/2017 21:36

Ah crap. Well, I sent him a reply covering both possibilities! And explaining why! I'm a lay it out person! Ha!
Shall see if he's a perv or an innocent...

Fieryfighter · 12/06/2017 21:44

Might as well find out now!

JustAMusing · 13/06/2017 06:56

He thinks I've asked what he's looking for in someone

I'd think it meant he hadn't read my profile at all and this is his opening gambit. And yes, "open minded and curious" does mean sexually (I've learnt).

Mumfun · 13/06/2017 08:19

think open minded and curious more likely to be sexual but not always. best to find out.

Allthembuckets · 13/06/2017 09:23

Fieryfighter Shock at the 3rd one. Some guys have been a no thanks to the questions on OKC. How long are you chatting to them before a date?

I didn't know that either AbernathysFringe although the last time I dated, I was 20/21 so I was specifically looking for casual!

Laura9867 · 13/06/2017 12:52

So glad I found this thread, some of the posts have made me laugh so much!

I have just re-entered the world of OLD. Started chatting with a man. Very good-looking in his photos and very funny. Rare for me to find that. Chat has been very flirty and we have talked about meeting. He told me is he currently on holiday and after a while I asked him when he'd be back. He told me. Wait for it..... He won't be back until December! Shock Asked him why he's OLD if he's away and he said he didn't want to miss out on 'meeting' nice people Hmm So guessing he just wants pen-pals then?? Anyone had this? No point in talking to him any further I guess Confused

Pavonia · 13/06/2017 13:29

Laura I had one whose location was given as local to me, but after a bit of chat it turned out that he was working abroad and planning to move here in three months time. I didn't want to chat for three months! Anyway, who knows if he was telling the truth?

Laura9867 · 13/06/2017 14:33

Pavonia So strange isn't it. Did you just stop talking to him or tell him that was the reason? Yes, I agree, who knows! Hmm I've forgotten you have to take everything with a pinch of salt with OLD! Wink

Pavonia · 13/06/2017 14:50

Laura I told him the reason, as far as I recall he wasn't unpleasant about it. I try to be open minded about the sort of person I might date but I am not flexible regarding location and I prefer to meet up quite quickly.

I have recently met someone nice, we will have our fourth date this week. I think he is genuine. There are some practical issues, in particular he works quite antisocial hours, whereas I want someone who is available to see me on the weekends when I am child free. I'm trying to be flexible at the moment while we figure out if it is going somewhere.

Fieryfighter · 13/06/2017 17:54

Allthembuckets about two weeks all of them, the racist one showed no sign whatsoever of being a dick! Shudder.

Mr Texan I've been speaking to just about a week so this is the soonest I've agreed to a date but we've spoken on the phone a couple of times. It seems very promising but I'm trying not to build it up!!

pringlecat · 13/06/2017 22:21

Allthembuckets I prefer not to chat long before setting up a date. I did in the beginning when I was scared, now I think soon to minimise wasting either your time or his time. Or both!

I am super excited and terrified about my probable non-date tomorrow with the younger man. I figure whatever happens, I will not regret looking my best, so I'm getting my hair done beforehand for a bit of extra confidence. If I am going to get my heart broken, I'd rather be rejected whilst looking as beautiful as possible. Wink

SweetIcedTea · 14/06/2017 08:33

How long would you give a man who's potential relationship (or FBW) material but seems to be nervous of meeting?

I think he's been single a long time and hasn't had much luck with OLD.

It's been 3.5 weeks of messaging daily so far, multiple times a day.

Smeaton · 14/06/2017 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pavonia · 14/06/2017 09:35

SweetIcedTea is he local to you? Assuming he is, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't wanted to meet up for a coffee or a drink as there is no substitute for meeting in person. Does he really want to meet someone? Is he already in a relationship? Is the real life him different to the online him?

Most of us are nervous of meeting an online date for the first time, but we make ourselves do it because we want a relationship (or whatever!).

Personally after 3.5 weeks I would be meeting or cutting contact.

Original poster
Bant · 14/06/2017 10:00

Some people just want a pen pal. If I were you I'd just be forthright and ask if he saw the two of you meeting up. Often there's no chemistry in person, in which case you'll have wasted a month chatting to each other if you actually want something more than a text buddy.

OP posts:
OutToGetYou · 14/06/2017 10:15

I've had a few irons come and go - give them some rope and they seem keen to hang from it (one I mentioned I had seen Eddie Izzard so stand up, and he said he didn't like "him/her/it" - I mean, really??).

I had a chap who was very boring, literally just repeated back to me what I'd said to him, so yesterday I didn't bother and neither did he - so that's the end of him then.

I probably need to put a bit more effort in but am away on holiday next week so will wait until after that.

AlanTaylorsArmpits · 14/06/2017 11:23

Hi all, apologies it's been a little while since I've been on. I joined POF last week and have had one date from it so far. A nice guy but no spark for me.

I don't seem to be matching with anyone at all on Tinder at the moment which is a shame, but I suppose that's how it goes.

I have a sort of date thing on Saturday with a guy I used to date years ago. I'm hoping it goes well as he was one of the loveliest men I ever dated, but it came at a time when it all blew up with my ex and I didn't have the head space to deal with dating anyone. Hope everyone else is having some decent luck.