The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Maybe those should be added to the Rules.

11: you don't know anyone until you've met them a few times. Google them, meet in public places and be careful for your safety.

Smeaton last time I was OLD (a couple years ago) I put myself at risk many times, went to people's houses, let people into my house and was too trusting. Now I am much more careful but today has proved to me that however nice someone may sound they could be anyone, you know nothing about these people so why trust them?

I would recommend googling and checking people's Fb page out it always meet in a public place and let someone know where you are going.

This guy has now found my Fb page and has tried to contact me after I booked him on POF, I feel very intimidated and slightly scared.

I wish there was a way of warning others about possibly risky people on these sites. Why would he ask me to google him? it was as though he wanted me to feel sorry for his past , the crimes he committed were both aimed at disabled people, I have 2 dc's with Autism and I am mortified.

He can't access my Facebook page, all he can see is my profile picture, I have tight settings, he tried to message me through messenger but I declined the message, I think I can block him.

Although one bloke I met, I subsequently found out gave me a fake name (slight change in spelling) to avoid being Googled. So tread carefully, be circumspect.

Yes I think good idea to add safety stuff to rules - including telling someone where you are going on early dates and who with.

Ruby had to lol at yours!

Just wanted to put that even though I'm all loved up and happy (still follow this thread!) my friend had an awful incident with someone she met.
Such a lovely bloke..met a few times and then she just happened to google him..really not a good outcome and I'm glad she found out early on. It is scary and we do need to be cautious..saying that I did google mine and he has a pretty ok job and I did go to his house for my 2nd date (my brother lives 2 mins away and had the address so I had backup!) but still be wary.

Smeaton if the man insisted on meeting at a certain place I would probably not be happy with that. On the whole I think women feel much more at risk than men.

For the record I have had first dates at places chosen by them and places chosen by me. I would always speak up if I wasn't happy with a place. I usually choose a café/pub/public building somewhere mutually convenient location wise, and where I would be comfortable going on my own.

Well, having been ghosted by two people in a row after (what I thought were) really promising first dates, I have now lined myself up for more disappointment on Saturday.

I have a first date with a really hot guy, I've stalked him on Linked In and he's got a good job for a local company, seems really nice. So I need some advice on how to deal with it if I get ghosted again....

NearlyFree go with a positive attitude but try not to be too invested. If it doesn't lead anywhere try not to overthink it. You can't know what else is going on in their life or what they are really looking for. Get back to your OLD site of choice and draw up a list of other possibles!

Thanks Pavonia. I do have some other irons in the background, including a date penciled in for next Saturday night as well. Overthinking things is always a problem for me!

Nearly I have been ghoasted several times (I think a lot of us have). I now go to a date and if we seem to get on I try not to get my hopes up on seeing them again in case they vanish of the face of the earth, I think it's just good not to over invest too early on.

Remember the young hottie who was on a break from his girlfriend? He wants to meet up for a drink next week. I hope they've finally broken up and he's properly single. There are many things I'd like to do to him, but obviously not if he has a girlfriend. I will be crushed if the reason he wants to see me is to tell me he's decided to make a proper go of things with her. I don't see why he would though, surely easier to just pretend I don't exist.

Just signing in to the thread. Newly single unlikely to date for a few months but I want to be up to speed!

Safety concerns are paramount. I tell my mother when/where dates are and text her mid way through to let her know I'm ok. Always in a public place, so cafe/pub.

I have a date with Mr Engineer on Sunday, no time or place to meet yet though. Also talking to Mr IT and just moved to WhatsApp but not sure about it! Seems like lifestyles aren't compatible in the long term but we'll see. Both from OKC. Tinder is very hit and miss! Not bothered atm though, think I'd find it hard to concentrate on more than 3 conversation at once.

Nearly I've been ghosted by every first date that's gone well with a second being agreed to! So, not going to get my hopes up regardless of how the date goes on Sunday.

Pav Yes, ooh when?

Had my third Pof first date this evening. All others didn't progress but tonight was a great date. Slightly difficult conversation but definite sexual attraction. So come end of date I go for goodnight kiss he says he doesn't want a kiss as he'd want to take me straight upstairs for sex and left. Am I going to be ghosted and he was just looking for a quick lay?

Nugget77 Maybe he was testing the water and hoping you'd ask him upstairs for sex. You get some characters on POF and third date is when things get weird.

Allthembuckets My DM doesn't know I do OLD. She would freak out. Good luck with your irons, hopefully one of them will prove interesting.

Queenofthedrivensnow Newly single by choice? How are you doing?

NearlyFree17 I think we're all guilty of overthinking on this thread... hence why it's good to bounce thoughts off each other!

Lovemusic33 I do not use the same pictures on OLD that I do on social media and WhatsApp to reduce the risk of being tracked down via a reverse image search. I Google all my dates to check out they are who they say they are - it probably drives some of them mad not being able to do the same to me. But I am super wary of giving too much away - I live in fear of one of them turning up to my workplace! So sorry you've had a crappy experience lately. He sounds bloody awful.

Err, what's a reverse image search??!!

What Smeaton said. Definitely don't recycle images from 'real life' on POF. Your photo and your POF username will be online forever and people will be able to match your photo to your 'real' identity.

Hi Pringle - mutual split. 2 years together no dc together but we had 3 between us. I'm elated but worried how kids will be. We met on tinder fyi

Hi all read the thread regularly n post sometimes..great source of advice I think!!

So please give me some good advice oh wise women and especially men daters.....so I went on a date with a man who I thought by his pics I would yet again not be attracted to....boy was I soooo wrong!!! I was instantly attracted to him n he seemed to be very happy with me too, conversation flowed easily, gradually started to get closer had our first kiss was amazing, went to few bars got a bit drunk n ended up back at his house. Must have both collapsed as neither of us remembered doing anything but then we woke up next morning started kissing n well...it happened

So lovely, felt really special n not just sex, fell back asleep together n then he offered me a lift home.

Talking in car fine..when we pulled up he said 'well thanks fortuna I had a great time' he kissed me n I got out...never said he would contact me again.....

So now I'm thinking did he just want sex? He acted like he really liked me though. I just haven't a clue. What does everyone think ? Wish I hadn't done it now as I really liked him a lot