The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Thank you, Bant and Mumfun.

I've been really busy since I posted yesterday morning!

I went out with him yesterday afternoon too. I still don't know! I have told him that I like him and he's said that he likes me too and that I'm lovely, but I don't really know how to ask him or find out if it's anything more than friends. I know a lot of people will say that it shouldn't matter and just get to know each other, but without knowing the parameters, I won't be able to interpret anything and it will just become stressful.

After I left him yesterday, he texted to tell me that it wasn't the same without me there and that he missed me. We have texted quite a bit today, just the 'nonsense' "how are you" "what are you doing" type of thing!

And you're right, flirting won't help. He wouldn't understand it. We are fairly tactile with each other, considering. We hug and he's put his arm round me a couple of times when he walked me back to my car. But I don't know if that means anything.

I know that really I just need to come out and ask him but I'm not sure how to do that/how to phrase it. I'm also conscious that he's a bit younger than me. I have no idea whether he'll have even considered it because of this!

user I think Lovemusic probably has a point.

I doesn't necessarily mean there is anything 'wrong', just that it's not quite 'right' or not 'right enough'.

If that makes sense.

ThisIsTheRightTime it all seems a bit melodramatic, given that he's only deciding whether to go on a second date or not!

thisistherighttime - he's telling you that he doesn't want a relationship but he's open to dating and possibly having sex, at which point he reserves the right to call things off because he always said he wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship

Sounds like the beginnings of a relationship justamusing - you don't tell someone you miss them and put your arm around them unless you have strong feelings for them

I like the fact you're texting nonsense:)

Thanks again, Bant. I'm hoping that's true.

We're going out for a sunset picnic this weekend (weather permitting). Perhaps it will be clearer then.

Thanks Bant and Pavonia. I completely agree with you and am not interested in following up with this. I'm currently seeing someone else with whom things are more relaxed.

I would just state that I was the one who first made my intentions clear on the date; I am not looking for a serious relationship for the time being. I prefer to be honest.

Pavonia; melodramatic or not there's a marked difference in the behaviour between men and women here in France. Things can be more intense than I recall in England. There can be quite a bit of game playing; it's a national sport.

This I'm glad you've met someone more suitable.

Thank you Pavonia.

Justamusing I read your post with interest.

I met someone almost 2 months ago now.
Immediate connection when we messaged for a few reasons and when we met we have both said we both 'just knew'..however he's I'd say quiet as am I. One of my downfalls is that I don't say how I feel..he's down that and I've agreed..I hate that about me as I love to hear it's all going well..why wouldn't they?!
Anyway I totally get where you're coming from..it's hard when they aren't straight to the point I guess.
I feel so far so happy..he's attentive and very funny..caring and just spot on. Seeing him later and cannot wait!
I hope things progress well.

Missmove and justamusing I'm reading with interest as at similar stage. I did some research online (on when people usually talk about emotions and say "I love you") and there is such a difference. The most useful suggestion, I think, was that it's better if it is shown in actions rather than words. For example, meeting and communicating regularly and talking about the good, bad and funny things in life, intimacy and a sense of emotional support and planning for the near future. Words can be lies but positive actions show real interest?

Words can be lies but positive actions show real interest?

Yes, that's true.

Tbh, I'm not really interested in declarations of anything or anything heavy for a very long time! But all I really want to know is are we becoming good friends, or is it something more.

I think he and I would tick the meeting and communicating regularly boxes. And the talking about good, bad and funny things in life. There's definitely emotional support, albeit early days, and planning for the very near future (I'm seeing him on Friday and Saturday this weekend).

I hope it works out for you both, Missmove and Lana with your men.

Consistent positive actions...

So lovely people...I think I'm moving off this thread! 7 dates with Mr Naval Officer and now in relationship territory, we are taking it slowly! In the nicest possible way, I hope I don't need to post again.

Thanks for all the suppprt and I wish you all happiness x

What a lovely post Polarbear I hope you don't need to post again either.

Good luck.

Lanadrey thanks. Yes agreed..he's very good on both fronts but is actually better talking to me..unlike me who texts! It's true though as a text can almost so easily be done whereas even though some blokes talk the talk it's different..that doesn't really make sense but?!

Just had to share this little gem with you all ....
Messages received last night:

"Hi, I am , can I chat for a bit please"
I didn't respond ..

"Wow, very sexy, hey love I am very respectful I treat women with courtesy and buy gifts and flowers I wine and dine. I love worshipping the woman I get to be with. I would love be to be with you"
I didn't respond ...

This mornings message:
"I would love to go down on you"

I mean ... he's the one.. I'm pleased to say I don't need to be OLD anymore - clearly!

I'd reply with :

"Deal. Meet me at in an hour. "

Then block after 55 minutes.

I think Bant's suggestion is good.

That's great news Polarbear

Not too bad a suggestion Bant
Grim, just grim.

Ruby I find the later at night I log on the more of these types of messages I get.

I haven't had time to be on line much this week so operation 'get a date for the weekend' is going nowhere. Mr Irish still hanging around and wants a date but I'm still put off by the fact he doesn't drive and doesn't have a permanent job. Still talking to Mr Hippy but no sign of it going anywhere. Lots of 'hi sexy' type messages and not much else really.

I've noticed on Tinder recently to same profile pics coming up under several different names. Clearly a fake profile, but why??

I have literally zero irons atm, and I'm irritated by the smallest of things
. "lol" at the end of every message leads to an unmatch
. Last night a guy typed "ya" instead of "you"....unmatched
. When they don't ask any questions so it's hard to keep the initial conversation going, I just can't be arsed.

I could go on... I think I need to come off everything for a while as I'm getting nowhere fast atm.

It seems some of you have more positive situations, good luck to you all

Tonight has highlighted the fact that you joined st don't know who you are meeting or talking too on these web sites.

I backed right off with Mr Irish as I had a bad feeling about him, he has been messaging every day, I have answered the occasional message but have been quite busy and have ignored quite a few. Tonight he has got really weird with me, begging to phone me and begging to meet, he then got funny because I hadn't answered his messages (I told him that I had a lot going on and I thought it wasn't a good time to add data no to the equation). The messages continued, I ignored. He then sent me a message asking me to google his name, out of curiosity I did. He has been to prison for some pretty bad stuff. I have now blocked him. I'm just really pleased that I didn't go to meet him as I could have put myself in a very unsafe position . I am now wondering if online dating is safe.

Please be extra careful, make sure you tell a friend or family member where you are going, always meet in a public place, a place where you can get away quickly if you need too and never never go to someone's house on a first date (even the 2nd date).