The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Help! Been having lots of fun messages via Whatsapp with an iron from Tinder. Really like the look of him too. Meant to be meeting on Sunday but just found out he voted Brexit & is a Tory. I'm a Remainer & Labour voter. Politics feels so personal and emotive at the moment - is this a deal breaker?! He is also 1.5 hr drive away which is another issue. Don't want to meet & fancy the pants off him if there really is no future. Advice please!

Thanks Smeaton - that is a good point. I think things are so febrile at the moment it is hard to keep a clear head! Maybe I should wait till after the election to see him

Thanks, Smeaton. It was helpful to have a male POV!

AppleBlossomTimeNow Different party would not be a deal breaker for me (unless he voted UKIP) but Brexit would be. I'm still barely on speaking terms with my family given how they voted. It's just such an emotive topic.

I'd have difficulty with a staunch Tory voter, and a Ukipper can just fuck right off. Brexit.. well some people have well thought out arguments, but part of me would seriously just want to say 'you know you fucked over my children's future, don't you?'

So.. yeah, I'd want someone who shared my worldview. It's one thing to debate philosophy and stuff, it's another to think someone is, deep down, a bit of a selfish bastard.

I seem to have woken up all politically riled this morning. Sorry :)

Musical taste - it's nice to have bands and genres in common but it's not a massive issue for me.

I have never played candy crush

appleblossom - politics aside, a 90 minute drive just probably isn't doable very often, is it?

Bant I wouldn't date a Tory or ukipp supporter either, I went out for lunch with a friend last week and we ended up having a massive debate about politics ( she's a ukipp supporter ).

I'm starting to feel suspicious about Mr Hippy, he says he has a job but whenever I ask him 'if he's had a good day?' He says that he's spent the day in the garden or reading a book, never says 'I had a good day at work', he says his job is caring for someone with a brain injury, I am beginning to wonder if he's caring for his wife? Maybe I'm just looking for things but how else could he afford a good size house if he hardly ever works?

As a man in Gloucestershire, some sites would put me in the south west and others in the midlands. But I sound nothing like all these SW men you've been mentioning, so you'd think I would stand out and get lots of dates... but no. So maybe it's all you SW women with ridiculously high expectations

Thanks all - decided geographical/political divide is too great & messaged him. No reply yet - which is possibly confirming my fears about what kind of guy he might be

The thing about politics is, it depends how much 'into' it you are. I am very 'into' it. Labour and Remain here. Ex - Brexit and UKIP!

I am actually now OK with moderate Tories, as many of them are staunch Remainers and that referendum has transcended party politics.

The problem I had with ex [among many many other things] was that he would close a discussion by saying "you only vote Labour cos your dad did" and "oh, Labour are better because they CARE" [sarcasm dripping] and that sort of shit. I actually haven't voted Labour every single time. And I loathe my father so it was especially mean of him to say that (but, as I always pointed out, it meant he had no substantive argument to add to the discussion).

But if you vote A, and they vote B, but you're not bothered about discussing politics, then it's not such a big issue I don't think. Especially once you're past the 'starting a family' stage of life.

However, 90 mins - too much :)

The other factor re opposing political views is, if we do progress, how comfortable will he be with my friends (who are for the large part similar to me) and vice versa? Will it just feel uncomfortable (and even confrontational)? I don't want that.

Mmm, it is difficult, my family found ex very trying that way, and of course all his friends were right wing loons, so I found them impossible.

I must admit LM those types of profiles would depress me ... who actually thinks it's ok to put Candy Crush as a hobby?!!

I agree with Smeaton it's how mature and respectful you can be of their opinions and vice versa. It's good to have a debate about such things as long as both parties remember to actually listen to what the other is saying - even if they don't agree! It's when it starts to become heated or rammed down your throat that it might become a problem!

So... I'm still in contact with Mr City - we do get on but his circumstances haven't changed so I can't move forward. We spent the day together on Saturday - more as friends though.
On Wednesday, my FWB contacted me out of the blue - well actually he turned up at my house but I wasn't in so he left a message. He phoned me yesterday and came round I'm trying to move away from that but it's very difficult!

Shatner believe me, my standards have been realigned to what's on offer!
Surely teeth, a smile, more than one photo and a profile picture taken more than six inches from your face isn't too much to ask for

Mr Navy Officer is away on a stag weekend. Hopefully will see him next week and clarify where we stand. I'm keen to move this forward into relationship territory and off this thread.

Polarbearflavour In the nicest possible way, we look forward to seeing the back of you! Obviously very welcome to still post if it turns into a nice long term stable thing completely devoid of angst, but you know what I mean. Dating is awful. Relationships for all.

I am SO sick of dating and it's only been 5 months! I hope we all find somebody nice!

Thought I'd add my story. Read this thread for ages now.

I met my OH online, was very sceptical and cynical. First date was a walk along the beach on a miserable day with my dog. Anyway fast forward a few months and he's just moved in. Kids adore him. We make a great team and compliment each others personalities. His teenage daughter gets on with me and my DC so well she's asked to live with us.

I can't predict the future but am very happy with the present

Aw Lonely you are a fast worker!

Glad its worked out so well for you. Fab! Hoping you get the best outcome in the future in addition to the present.!

This thread makes me feel so much better!! I was convinced it was just me who got the one word messages if I got any at all!

Any hints on how to make my profile stand out? Someone who I can laugh with is an essential but I don't know how to get that across without looking odd!

Polar I think we're in similar positions, coming up for 2 months and hoping it's real? As far as I can see it is for my situation, but it's really hard to know when to ask things without seeming needy or full on. I think you should ask and expect exclusivity fairly early on, so it would be fair to ask now as many weeks along. I wouldn't assume the profile that your friend found is new though, as POF made my profile re-visible after I had hidden it.

I still read here as I have been at the two month stage before and it has ended. I don't have major doubts this time, but then will feel worse if he ends it.

Lonely good to hear it worked for you.

LanaDReye So nice to hear you're in a good place now. Will keep fingers crossed it does turn out to be real. I love a good happy ever after, me!

Well, after all my wondering whether to see my awkward date from last week, contact fizzled out to non existent and I never got another date. I think I'm actually relieved, and more than ready to get looking again.