The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Actually that should have been a

smoked and far - they're not just meh on Match, think SW men need to take advice from the men on here when it comes to photos and profiles - so many of the photos are really close up, it's like they are sitting opposite me!

smoked and far - they're not just meh on Match, think SW men need to take advice from the men on here when it comes to photos and profiles - so many of the photos are really close up, it's like they are sitting opposite me!

I'm in the SW too and agree that here's not much going for the men around here, and yes, there seems to be a lot of close ups. I don't go on Match as there's just no one local too me, I am rural and everyone seems to be in Bristol which is quite far from me.

Sometimes I sit in a coffee shop and just people watch, and wonder if I'll see anyone I like the look of. Honestly, I can gaze out the window for an hour and they all look like they've either had a very hard paper round or they're on parole.

LoveMusic I'm not a young bird by any means, but the men on Match in the SW are unbelievably old looking in the age range I put down, no teeth and look like something in a police line up on Crime watch
I'm too old for Tinder, Bumble and the like, though they sounds better, anyway my youngest daughter is on there and I'd die if one of her friends came across me

I'm not young either smoked and think POF is the most dire for the SW. At least with Tinder you actually have to mutually like the look of each other, on POF it's a steady stream of increasingly aggressive men who hound you if you don't reply. Or the same message sent every week without fail - because you're clearly playing hard to get if you didn't reply to the first three 'Hi luv, want 2 chat?' opening gambits

I use POF as it's the only site that has people near me. Even the younger men in the SW are pretty dire, I have had messages from people with hardly any teeth, farmers that are obese and people that have never worked in their lives. I have had older men offering to take me on holiday and buy me nice things in exchange for sex and younger men looking for a MILF (I have been called this by several). It's rare to come across someone who looks and sounds reasonable. Oh and I never see profetionals on any of the sites.

I am chatting to someone at the moment who seems really nice, he is older than me, we have been chatting for a few days and no sex talk. Only problem being is he lives quite far away but he does own his own home, has a job and has no children, we have a lot in common and a few things not in common (good balance). I will call him Mr Hippy. He hasn't actually asked to meet yet but then he knows I'm busy this week with half term and work so maybe he will ask next week. I hope he's not just one of these who's looking for a pen pal ☹️

I've recently come out of a 5-year relationship and am dipping my toe into OLD for the first time. What's the protocol for replying to messages? I've set up a profile on Free Dating and have had a few messages along the lines of "Hi, how r u? xx" from people nowhere near me and with nothing in common. Is it rude just to delete without replying? I'm really not up to speed with any of this!

monkey - you don't have to reply to those generic types of messages. If they haven't bothered to say anything relevant to you or your profile, or even attempt to be interesting or funny, then what's the point wasting your time?

It's the equivalent of your being in a bar and random men coming up and tapping you on the shoulder. Then tapping someone else on the shoulder, and someone else, with no thought of actually being interesting and trying to say something of worth.

If you reply with a positive response, it means you're putting yourself on the back foot because they could have sent the same message to twenty random women and are waiting to see who's needy.
If you reply with a negative, some of them will get shirty.

Just ignore

Thanks Bant. Shall start deleting!

Echo Bant I've replied (e.g. sorry you're too far away) and most of the time, they argue, so now I don't bother.

I was using POD, that and Tinder have been the only apps that have resulted in dates. I've yet to get past the 1st date so far but I've only been on 4.

*POF!!

So Mr Naval Officer is still on Tinder. After 6 dates. One of my friends was swiping and then sent me a screenshot of his new profile with new photos asking "isn't this the guy you are dating?"

Okay so we haven't had the exclusive chat but I deleted my Tinder. I don't know if I'm completely over reacting!

Over reacting because you deleted your tinder?

Six dates is definitely a reasonable time to think they wouldn't be updating their tinder photos.. are you going to have the exclusivity chat? Without mentioning the tinder profile?

I'm not sure how to approach it! I know that I need to.

If I'm honest, Polar, I'be not specifically had the chat with The Nurse (3 months in now) mainly because I'm a coward. I'be not been on POF for weeks so for all I know he's still looking though where he'd find the time I honestly don't know. Anyhoo, if I found out after six dates that he was updating his profile I'd be biting the bullet, especially since you'require having MB.

I think it's the updating rather than the not taking it down that would annoy me - unless the update says "in a relationship now so no longer dating" or similar. (which no-one would put, obviously)

Just got a message on POF, a prime example of what we are up against in the SW.

Smokes regularly
Job;Unemployed
Body type; carrying a few extra pound ( clearly carrying more than a few extra pound)

Likes ; cuddles, nights in, candy crush, coffee.

There is something in the water...

My ex didn't turn up on Tuesday, but an ex colleague (a real blast from the past) propositioned me for sex.

And the plumber asked me out for a drink...

I wish I fancied one of them! Here I am, complaining about how I hate OLD and I want to meet someone organically... and I knock back two in a row!

This sounds really stupid written down, but I didn't think the plumber would find me attractive. Or for that matter, the younger man from the other month. Because they are both skinny. And I'm not. It makes me feel very mismatched, if you know what I mean. And I can't look at someone in that way if I feel there is no way they can find me attractive; I have a mental block. Survival instinct, I guess.

The plumber has a very different background to me and I think he's a fair bit older, but actually, he's very easy to talk to, a real sweetheart and I think he has an old school approach to dating. All things that I really like.

Maybe I should have let him take me out for a drink after all... I think I'm destined to be single forever, because I'm my own worst enemy.

Lovemusic33 Someone actually put Candy Crush down as a hobby...?

Tinder randomly put a picture of me that I have never used as a profile pic on FB, that was odd... it's not even my picture, I'm tagged in it

I am totally in agreement with Bant's response about messages that are lazy, generic one liners! I definitely wouldn't bother dignifying these one liners with any type of response. I for one would prefer it if the man picked something of interest from my profile and asked me about it...i would equally do the same thing. It shows that they 1) have at least bothered to read your profile and 2) shown some genuine interest about you. Its not rocket science is it?! Even though i'm OLD, i am now exploring other avenues.... trying to meet men in real time via dance classes and tennis!