The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Advice please people 😊
If your childhood crush had got in contact with you, started flirting and asked to meet up for a bit of fun, would you??

I seem to have a few irons at the moment, one that I have known for many years (as above), but all these irons seem to want to talk about sex. In a way I would really like to find 'the one' but another part of me thinks 'why not have a bit of fun whilst waiting for the one?'. Mr Facebook seems quite keen but I'm not sure what he actually wants and Mr school crush has stated that he's not looking for anything serious.

Hmm... LM It depends on what you want, sex without emotions is ok if you are ok with that. And also how you feel about OLD at the same time.

Lovemusic33 Nothing wrong with a bit of fun if and only if you can separate out sex and affection. Not everyone can. If you can have something very casual and possibly even one-off without getting hurt, go for it. Do what feels natural to you and makes you happy. :)

Lovemusic

It doesn't sound like you want to just have casual fun though, forgive me if I'm wrong on that. I'd hold out for what I really want, but that's me.

I have done 'casual' before and had mixed expereances. I think if cards are laid on the table from the start it's ok but have been in the situation where I have had mixed signals (when they show interest in my life and what I'm up too), so I am a bit wary. I gues I'm feeling flattered at the moment as a couple men find me sexually atractive, Mr school crush was always way out of my league when I was a teen, he was one of the popular kids and I was a bit of a odd ball. So I am tempted but I would probably be petrified too.

(Previously, back in the day known as WarmFuzzyFun/Future. And a mate of Bant's (you know who I am, a former goat Bant)...

Just popping up to say 'hello and keep going'. OLD is pants. But, if you are lucky, it is worth it.

I am (touch wood), a year plus in on a relationship which began via OLD (POF).

Have learnt that you need to give someone a chance and keep an open mind.

Have been more than pleasantly surprised.

Fingers crossed for all of you. Bon chance. X

Feel so much better for reading some of the comments on here. I have been OLD on and off for 3/4 years. Some success and have had two reasonable length (1 year ish) relationships but more recently seem to be attracting a lot of people who seem dateable but when you get into it are only after or those who spout BS but no action. Starting to loose the will to live but trying to keep optimism up! Supposed to be going on a date tomorrow afternoon but am feeling a little pessimistic. Also talking to another guy who seemed keen but has gone away for weekend and had no contact since 🤔

Ok guys, I'm 35, single for 4 years, before that last relationship ended 7 years ago. 10 year old DS.

I've been OLD on and off for 6 years and really not getting anywhere. Previous dates have insisted i'm attractive/kind/funny but I never meet anyone who wants to commit (except the ones who throw up major red flags), mostly they're just after one thing. I'm not even getting that many messages/responses any more!

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong! Old school friends now all getting engaged/married/having babies. A couple of divorces - guess I was ahead of the curve there!

Seriously considering having a sperm donor second child and shelving dating until I'm older!

I need help!!!

RhodaBorrocks sorry no advice, just empathy! I'm utterly bemused by the few men I've met so far and haven't made it to a second date. I have decided to take a break from it.

smeaton I am the same, though I'm growing a thicker skin. Men know what to write to draw us in ' the I'm genuine, kind and loving bull shit', they are game players and know exactly what to say. I no longer believe a word any of them say unless they can prove it.

Rhoda I am the same age as you but have no interest in having more kids (though never say never), have found online dating the same as you and I don't hold out much hope in meeting anyone anytime soon.

HELLO EVERYONE!!!
It has been so, so long. Hope you're all well and surviving the online dating lark.
I am going out with a nice guy right now; we have met 4 times in the one week that we have known each other, lots of texting, just kissing and no gropey hands etc. He is a gentleman, which I like. He has loads of plus points actually. I don't look at him and go 'pwhoar', but it's all good anyway.
However, tonight he texted and asked me if I ever wear heels, as he likes a woman in heels. My heart kinda sunk a) because I never wear 'em! and b) because this sort of stuff always seems to come up at some point, and I thought he was different.
I mean, he is lovely, but how would you feel at being asked this? Am I being really prudish? I guess in part I'm also a bit bummed because it makes you feel slightly inferior. I know he is strongly attracted to me, but even still ...
I feel like texting back and saying 'yeah, and I like guys who are Bradley Cooper lookalikes, but prefer to take people as they come'
Thanks all ... hopefully not too busy on here now to get a reply

rhoda - well as warmfun says, you need to give people a chance - from the start. What kind of filters do you have, age, height, education, hair colour etc. What do you look for in someone you'll meet?

(hi warmfun, I think I know who you are :) )

Don't reply with the Bradley cooper thing, dieu. If you were to reply with anything like that it should be 'well I like tall guys in a tuxedo and a strap on' or something.

It seems a bit early for him to be expressing preferences for footwear, doesn't it?

People can be gentlemen but dicks too. It's a bit dickish to say that after knowing you for one week.

But then.. others may think differently. Dunno. I think it's a bit off though

Thanks Smeaton and Bant
I think it's a bit off too. Mostly I feel rather disappointed, and 'oh, here we go again ...'

Hi all, can I join in please. Started on POF a couple of weeks ago. First guy I started talking to was great, really funny and so started texting. Turned out he we would only meet me if I agreed to have sex with him on that night! I've got a personal rule of at least 3 dates before sex and told him so gave that one the elbow.

I've now got talking to someone but I'm a bit uneasy as he's a little full on - most of his messages are "I really want a girlfriend" and "can't wait for you to be my girlfriend" etc I've said I would meet him for half an hour for a coffee (he's local to me) and see how we go but wondered what you lot thought - would someone so keen put you off?

Dieu my only experience of that was in response to me asking... Not a suggestion by him and it was at least 8+ weeks in... my memory is awful so not sure of the actual dare.

Also, how long was he expecting you to wear them for? It's one thing if you're already comfortable in attire and don't mind but another if you are doing it only for him despite your reservation IYSWIM.

Dunno Allthembuckets. He only just texted me tonight to ask if I ever wear them, as he likes a woman in heels. We've been going out a matter of days. He didn't say anything about how long he was expecting me to wear them for. The discussion really didn't get that far!

I'd say it was a fairly bright amber flag, but not a major red one. It would be red if you didn't already know him.

Just keep an eye out for more potential twattery

Smeaon :) I think that might be a good idea.