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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water

982 replies

JuanPotatoTwo · 15/05/2017 16:20

New thread :). Thought I'd start this one like I ended the last one - Bertie crashed out after a busy day's mischief making.

Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water
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daisychain01 · 26/05/2017 15:43

Hello folks. Wilting isnt the word phew. Cranky is a good description of how I feel but instantly cheered up on this thread.

Squirrels Im probably far too risk averse but I would be concerned about refreezing thawed and warmed up icecream. Maybe the sniff test is the way forward. It always makes me chuckle with those MN threads that go along the lines of " Is it Ok for me to eat this chicken and mayo sandwich thats been sitting on the countertop all day and its 30deg out there ?" and Im going Noooooooooooo! at my ipad screen in horror lol

magimedi · 26/05/2017 16:43

I don't think I'd chance it with the ice cream & I am not overly fussy. You'd be fed up if you got sick from it.

Very hot here but also a very strong wind so nice in the shade.

Nice to 'see' you, Somer & Unborn.

Chasingsquirrels · 26/05/2017 17:05

I thought the main problem with refrozen icecream was the texture, ie the ice crystals in it?
Certainly don't have an issue with refreezing bread and veg (although the veg is the bottom drawer and fine) and soft fruit.
Usually when this happens we have to eat whatever meat has defrosted, which appears to be none. Which is good as we are at my parents this evening, I'm out tomorrow evening and Sunday lunch.

Ds2 said "it is as bad as the great freezer incident of 2015?". That's was him, door wide open, probably as hot a day as today. Thankfully not Ds2 Smile

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 26/05/2017 18:37

Hey, I've gone and got chinese and a drink Grin

I went out for a jog at 3pm as I didn't want to have to do it tonight. Was so hot! Managed a few laps of a park which is better than nothing!

Had a text from Juan to say she's doing a bit better now and will hopefully be back soon.

magimedi · 26/05/2017 19:51

Am sure that ElPeskyJuan will be back on Sunday to claim ElPot.!!

bookbook · 26/05/2017 21:10

Evening
well, yes I think the ironing was not a good plan Chasing, but its all done. I wouldn't try to save the ice cream either, and am really not risk averse,
Cake - a jog at 3 ? more mad than me ironing in bare feet in a coolish kitchen .
( though I did go back out to the allotment with DH at 4, and we got the grass cut, fruit cage bird proofed, and strawberrries netted......)
I'm glad to hear Juan is starting to feel better. Sending love .

Chasingsquirrels · 26/05/2017 22:06

Right well I won't then - but it's B&J Peanut Butter Cup, so I'm taking the chocolate cups out ☺

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 27/05/2017 05:56

Morning, early crew here. DS had a tantrum in his sleep at 10pm because he wanted to go back in the paddling pool Grin

I only went jogging at that time so I could pig out on Chinese and not have to go out again...

We're off out for the day and again tomorrow but hoping for a bit of a quieter day Monday.

That's a great loss Squirrel - those tubs are so expensive! I'd probably have refrozen but I do have an iron gut!

Hope you all have a good weekend.

daisychain01 · 27/05/2017 08:05

You're definitely hard-core Ben & Jerrys there, cake Grin

Was woken up at 430am to a hum-dinger of an electric storm. It has cleared the air though. Nice and fresh now

daisychain01 · 27/05/2017 08:07

I'm a chunky- monkey girl, me. Or the occasional rocky road

daisychain01 · 27/05/2017 08:14

🍧

Out in the garden later today if it stays dry. I finally strummed back the last remains of the Spring crocus patch. It looked a bit sad with a big brown patch on the grass but hopefully has greened up after that torrential rain.

Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water
bookbook · 27/05/2017 08:37

Morning
lovely here , but forecast thunderstorms - I'll believe it when I see them ...Chasing - Happy Birthday ! have Cake WineFlowers and wishing you a nice meal out with your friends (I do feel your pain with expensive icecream though -)
Cake - still worth a medal, jogging :)
daisy - that looks lovely!
I will be off to the allotment, to get some planting out of my cut and wild flowers area, then nothing for the rest of the day -ish. DH going out this afternoon and will be home late, so I am not cooking tonight. I have bought some smoked salmon- will be very lazy and just plate up with some bread and butter and salad for tea .
Have a lovely day all
Thoughts and Prayers xx

.

Chasingsquirrels · 27/05/2017 09:06

Clicked on the picture before I read the post - that's taken a couple of months ago yes???

It's my birthday. I'm 45.
Ds1 came in earlier to get his phone, sang Happy Birthday to me, asked if I wanted my present (I was half asleep) and I said later.
Ds2 is camping with a friend last night and back in a while. I miss him coming and cuddling me in the morning.
Went to my parents with Ds1 last night, my mum's youngest brother & wife were down, I was given presents to bring back to open this morning. I haven't opened them yet.

I don't want any of it, I just want John. I can't have him, only memories.
I went through the pictures on my laptop the other day and put of load of him on my phone. A good portion were taken around this time of year, we always went away in the UK for a few days in May half term, which always falls on my birthday.

Five years ago we'd only been together a year, and the boys were just getting to know him, we went to Wicksteed Park for the day. John gave me a bracelet made of little sliver loops, like a sweetie bracket. I loved it and have worn it pretty much every day since.

Four years ago we were in Redditch. We went to Stratford and West Midlands Safari Park and Shakespeare places. John brought me a silver necklace I didn't really like and we tried to change it, but I couldn't find anything else in the shop I preferred. I hardly wore it, then when I lost weight a couple of years later it was a much better fit and now I wear it every day.

Three years ago we were in Canterbury for a few days. We went to Margate, and an animal place - Howletts I think, and other things I can't remember. John got me my bike, and I'd already had it a week or so before my birthday. We were trying to get fitter and planned to cycle a bit, we'd do a circuit a couple of times a week but only if the weather was good, and we stopped over the winter.

Two years ago we had been staying in Chester, we went to Chester Zoo (which was my childhood fondly remember zoo, and quite a let down), walked the walls, took my uncle (who had downs syndrome) to Anderton Boat Lift. We went to Styal Mill on the way home on my birthday. John gave me a card with this badge attached and insisted I wear it, it's been clipped onto my bedroom curtain since then. Just realised I don't seem to have many pictures of the Chester trip. I've been racking my brain to think what he gave me, and have finally remembered it was my watch, my old one was well past it's best and we spent a couple of hours wandering round the Chester shops not finding one then a few more hours that evening in browsing the Internet until we found one I liked.

Last year he sat on the sofa and slept a lot, having just got out of hospital on 25th and going through the post chemo dip. Ds2 got a box of my favourite chocolates with his dad for John to give to me. I didn't think he'd have long, I didn't know if we'd still be getting married on 1 June, I was petrified of what the future held.

This year, I'm in the future, and John isn't.

While I'm typing this my phone has pinged with birthday wishes a few times, my SIL, and a couple of colleagues who have been so supportive. My mum messaged me earlier. A couple of relatives yesterday as today they won't have Internet access for various reasons. And the only person I want to be saying it is John.

I'm going out for a meal with my friends this evening, I'd decided it was a good idea, and it will be but I'm not sure how I'll cope. I'm struggling at this point. Maybe typing and thinking about the above has got some of it out.

No storms here, tonight I think.

Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water
Chasingsquirrels · 27/05/2017 09:14

X-posted. Thanks book. Sounds like a restful day for a change!

magimedi · 27/05/2017 09:35

I hope it has 'got it out'. The first of everything without John is going to be very hard. I am sure you will cope this evening & you will be with friends who know & love you & will surely understand if you are feeling down.

A very quiet Happy Birthday from me. Flowers

Chasingsquirrels · 27/05/2017 09:57

Ds2 just home, so presents.

The boys have got me a cake tin, it's a nicer cake tin, but it's a cake tin.
"Because you haven't got one"
"And you didn't give us any ideas"
(I think I was fairly clear that what I'd most like was my favourite chocolates or an orchid, and maybe - I dunno - if you get to 45 and you haven't got a cake tin, and you don't bake, well maybe you don't want one? And if John was here we'd roll our eyes and think WTF inspired that random present, which isn't the first random present from them, memories of other random presents and eye rolling abound. But he isn't here and I've got no one to do that with. And I feel mean even thinking it because ds2 would have got it with love - ds1 thinks presents are a waste of time and energy thinking about, including for himself - and was excited to give it to me.)

I might be glad when today is over.

Somerville · 27/05/2017 10:25

Oh Squirrels. I know a happy birthday might not be in reach today, but I'm glad you have friends and family who are surrounding you with love through gifts and messages. But of course it's John that you want - of course. Flowers

daisychain01 · 27/05/2017 12:44

Everything will feel raw and out of kilter today. Im truly sad for you Squirrels in that you must be feeling everything magnified x 1million today and its coming out the the form of " cake tin sadness". I had a similar phemomenon except mine was "the exploding pie in the microwave" crisis. Its pants and I'm sending you a hug in solidarity. Yes, best just get through the day as best as possible and all will be well, eventually even if it doesn't feel so just yet xxc

daisychain01 · 27/05/2017 12:48

An errant c appeared sorry xxx thats better.

Chasingsquirrels · 27/05/2017 14:20

Thank you, both x

bookbook · 27/05/2017 14:43

Afternoon
( hugs) Chasing - it sounds so raw, the feelings in your post , but it definitely helps to get it off your chest. I think all 'memorable' date swill be bad for some while to come , sadly. Cake tin birthday present? ah well - maybe you can use it as a biscuit tin instead.....?
I am sat with a cup of coffee, having been somewhat busier than expected -, and just thinking I will go and do some gentle weeding and planting , but thunder is rumbling in the distance and it has gone very black. So I may sit and wait awhile. I love thunderstorms .

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 27/05/2017 14:44

Sending you a big hug and a calm and peaceful birthday. I know it sounds like very hollow consolation, but it is lovely that so many well wishers have made an effort. I'm sorry John isn't with you today.

Think it's time to educate the boys in present buying! but sweet that they got you something.

DramaAlpaca · 27/05/2017 18:27

A gentle hug from me for your birthday Chasing. I'm sorry you don't have John with you today Flowers x

JuanPotatoTwo · 27/05/2017 20:39

Hello lovely Aunties, it's so nice to see you all here. I'm so sorry I've been missing in action :(. I don't know what happened - I just got hit by this overwhelming tidal wave of grief and misery and thoughts of "I can't do this", "this isn't my life", "I can't go on". It felt like every breath was too much hard work and I just wanted to give up. At the same time - I knew I wouldn't/couldn't. I won't bring you all down too much but it's been perhaps the worst 10 days or so of my life ever - with the possible exception of the week Mark died. I say "possible" because I think I was insulated by shock and grief that week which must have been what got me through. I appreciate all your thoughts and good wishes very much indeed.

Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water
Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water
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JuanPotatoTwo · 27/05/2017 20:41

The tattoos look better in the flesh - honest! Mine is the one with the writing, dd's is the grizzly bear. Ds1 also had one - without the ashes though - of a whale. When he was little Free Willy was his favourite film, and Mark painted a giant whale on his bedroom wall.

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