Evening all. I know I say it a lot, but it's so lovely to be able to come in here and read about lives going on and indeed life going on, and having some sort of touchstone to corner you for the day. I'm not even sure that makes sense, and I certainly don't mean to trivialize anything any of us are going through, but knowing this thread is here engenders a huge amount of calm in me. When Mark died, the A & E docs called in an ITU doc after about two hours, and the minute he walked into the resuss area I felt so much calmer. Ridiculous and unexplainable really, as in the end, none of his efforts saved Mark's life, but there was just something about this man that felt soothing. I felt it in him again when we went back to the ITU two days after Mark died and spoke to him about all that had happened. And actually he told me that day that he had let me stay throughout all the procedures in A & E (despite A & E docs wanting me out) because he felt I was calm too. I wasn't but I must have put on a convincing act!
Squirrels your mum is so right, it is still early days for both of us. Like you, in some ways I feel like it's been an eternity and I should be getting over it. After all, tragedies happen every day every where, and some of them much more devastating than that which has befallen me (I'm thinking things along the lines of children dying and terrorists targeting the innocent etc). But I can only live through my own tragedy, no matter how much I feel for anyone else, and I have to do that at my own pace, and to some extent, in my own way. So, yes, it is still early days for us both, and the fact that we are (mostly) getting up and out there every day is good. To be honest, I always thought I would fall completely apart when Mark died, and although there have been some very dark days, and will be more to come, I have done a lot better than I expected, and I imagining him looking at me proudly from somewhere urging me on gives me some comfort - he always had much greater faith in my abilities than I did/do.
Cake your poor ds, hope he's still asleep and you've hit on the cause of the sleep problems and can sort it now. Drama sounds like you've had a lovely day with your ds. Thanks for posting the pic! I had a feeling the trusty dishwasher might be a Bosch! And I hope your dh manages to wire up the shower safely - have images of all the lights in your house dimming when you get in the shower!
Somer your dh1 and dh2 both sound lovely. I hope dh2 at least saved some parmesan for your own dinner. I have a friend who is one of those people who is good at virtually everything - very clever, very artistic, makes stunning silver and glass jewellery (she's making me a ring with some of Mark's hair and ashes mixed into the silver), brilliant cake maker etc. And, as if all that wasn't enough, she's a dog behaviourist too. I'd settle for just being one of those things!
book cramp is a bugger isn't it? Mark used to get it regularly due to sodium imbalances etc but sitting down for 15 hours must have shocked your body beyond anything, knowing how busy you usually are. I've never had a panic attack before Mark died, and until yesterday, they've only been at night. Hope that one yesterday was the one and only.
Been for a lovely walk along the river with a friend today, and a cream tea to negate any good the walk might've done us. She can afford to eat cream teas, being very slight. Me - not so much! Well, I've managed to write another essay so I'll leave you all in peace now and wish you all a good night.