Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water

[JuanPotatoTwo]

New thread :). Thought I'd start this one like I ended the last one - Bertie crashed out after a busy day's mischief making.

That's a lovely poem Jane thank you for sharing it. I too want my chartered waters back. Last night in bed I tried really hard to picture vividly what it had felt like lying in that very spot with my head on Mark's chest and his arms around me. And I couldn't :(. All I could remember was that because of various heart surgeries he'd had, his chest was hard and bony and often not very comfortable! And his heart valves ticked ridiculously loudly - used to make me think of the crocodile in Peter Pan. I want to be held with love again, his love, and it's not happening ever again.

And also today I heard that my job isn't happening so that's been a bit of a blow. I emailed to ask when they thought I might start, given they'd said early June, and got some waffle back about internal reorganisation and how sorry they were etc etc.

Are you feeling less anxious now Cake? I hope so. Dd's friend has a six month old baby who is utterly gorgeous, and very well behaved for a baby, certainly more manageable than any of mine ever were!

Oh no Juan that is a low blow!

Things are better than this morning. Did some pilates eaten an ice cream

Sending you a big hug.

Evening all
oh dear Juan not good news - I think it's such bad manners not to contact you ( it does seem to me that happens lot these days) .
I know what you mean about heart valves- my DM had a stainless steel valve that thumped , it was very comforting and solid sound so many ((hugs)) , though no substitute .
Cake ice cream is good ( I had a magnum after tea, due to feeling pleased I had got a lot done today . I know thats the wrong reason really )
I had a bath , came down and realised the tennis was on, and just saw the last 5 minutes of Tsonga , before they stopped. Darn it - I could have watched it and then had a bath if I had realised.

Sorry to hear about your job juan that's so disappointing you had to chase them. I hope a new opportunity comes your way soon. If that's how they treat people, best to look for something more suitable. At the moment you need somewhere kind and supportive. xx

Thank you for kind messages - when your confidence is low anyway being knocked back is hard. But I do wonder when or if they were going to tell me. Never mind, something will come up hopefully.

book that was such a good match, shame the light went. And lovely Pot won today too so not all bad news! Off to pick Dd up now from a work social she's had to go to x

Oops sorry about the x - I end all my texts with x's and forgot where I was for a minute there!

Sorry to hear about the lack of job - it did sound a bit flakey when they hadn't got back to you about a June start.

I see you remembering Mark post surgery & with not all going well - I promise you that that will fade & you will remember him in full strength & health.

My DM died from Alzhiemers, now some 20 years ago. For a couple of years I could only remember her with that disease, but after that & from then onwards I remember her as she was before the illness & I have to really focus now to think of her ill. When she comes into my mind the memories are always of her in good health.

Yay for Pot!! (He's mine) & did you see baby Pot , who may well take out Tsonga? (He's mine too, ).

What bad news about the job Juan, and very shabby that they didn't tell you until you contacted them. Nil desperandum, something else will come up I'm sure.

How annoying about the job Juan, and as the others have dmsakf when would they have told you.

Gad you are feeling better about things cake.

I'm at my in laws (John's sister & husband) with the boys and we are going to the Suffolk Show with them tomorrow. I've never been here without John before. Thankfully I'm not in either of the two rooms I'd slept in here with him.

Then work on Thursday and Friday.
Thursday is (would have been?) our first wedding anniversary.
I'm guessing it won't be a great day.

Chasing will be thinking of you on Thursday

Cake have you tried crushed eggshells around your flowers? Can't vouch for their efficiency though.

Hugs squirrels and Juan

I just sprinkle the blue slug pellets down here, might not be natural nut it does the job!

Well in truth , I don't use much in the way of slug deterrents. I try to get the plants big and healthy before planting out.
But , if you do use slug pellets, can I ask you to use the organic ones , that don't harm wildlife? :)
Chasing a hard time for you, so a hand hold and (hugs), but also - hope you can enjoy the show
Time for my bed , its been a busy day..
Sleep well all, ( hopefully)
Thoughts and Prayers x

Morning all

Eggs for lunch then! Don't want to use pellets as it's in our raised bed with herbs/carrots etc anyway.

Sending you a big hug Juan and Squirrel it sounds very hard for you both.

My DM also has a clicky metal valve and I know the sound you mean.

Up early feeling tired already but I can see birds feeding in the garden and DD returns today so it's got to be a good day!

Good Morning all
gorgeous sunny day .
Cake - the very best remedy for slugs is actually nematodes, but they are a tweak expensive , but very effective.
I need to get a wiggle on - have a load of washing to put out, and then go and plant up stuff at the allotment. Nearly there with that, thank goodness.
Have a good day everyone

Good day here, with waves of sadness which just hit out of nowhere - in the "John should be here doing this with us" kind of way. I've never been to the Suffolk Show with him, but he took his daughter when she was ds1's age (and probably before I was with him).

Ds2 into everything, loved the science tent, tree climbing, enormous beach ball volleyball, etc. Ds1 sightly more teenage but had a good time, knackered himself on an air-bike "how far can you cycle in 2 minutes" trial.

BIL's band was playing so listened to them, had lunch and snacks.

Just dropped them at their dad's for the rest of the week and have been wanting to cry for the last couple of hours.

Oh squirrels a good cry will make you feel a bit better. Glad you had a good day with DC's.

Afternoon ladies.
Been AWOL as life trying to beat me into submission this past week. 😕

Juan glad to see you back. Shame about the job it's a pity they can't just tell the truth up front.

Seems like it's 'clean your fridge month' did mine last week too 😀 how on earth do they get so grubby?

My 'baby' is off to p7 residential today it's the beginning of the end of primary school. Where did the time go? Can't believe he is off to high school after the summer hols.

Haven't caught up with every post so just sending hugs to everyone and Hope you are all enjoying the good weather.

Hope things are getting better for you now Willow.
Is your P7 like our Yr6? (10yo turning 11yo in the school year).
My youngest is Yr6 and going up to secondary in September. His residential was in early March, a couple of weeks before John died. He had a great time, although a couple of wobbles about John I understand. Hope yours has a fab time.

Now I can't stop crying.
I don't want anyone to 'help" because I don't want anyone except John.
My mum would come over if I told her, bit she can't do anything.
I just need to cry it out atm I think.

Hey, I can't do anything but I'm here...

DD is in Yr5 and off on residential on Monday.

The day was a long one full of toddler squabbles. Went and had a jog.

Not much else to report here.

(((hugs)))

Thanks cake. I hope they are all away in bed and you are getting some downtime.

Chasing I'm here too with a virtual

Cake here - iPad doing strange things....

I'm in bed next to a hot sweaty small boy. I don't mind too much, won't be little or wanting me forever. Never thought that I'd be an extended co sleeper! Thank ye gods for a super king bed.

Have you got a plan for tomorrow? Staying in bed eating ice Cream and crying is a good plan should you feel like it xxx