Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

[backscratcher]

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

How awful. The whole thing seems odd unless it's a friend of his texting your DH accidentally, but then odd he's never mentioned him.
Does he have any davids on his Facebook?

First of all, so sorry OP

I agree with the other posters - I'd be at that pub tonight - if you don't go you will tear yourself up inside all night wondering.

Get a friend to drive you there so you have an unfamiliar car and someone to drive you home if you do indeed see something upsetting - I would 100% do this for a friend.

Let us know how you get on

You say OP that he would have to come home first and shower/change.

Maybe his plan is to go straight to hotel after work, shower, change and then meet "David" in the bar?

Don't ask him, he will lie. The only way is to get to the bar at 6.30 and see for yourself. Check the car park for his car in case they dont go to the bar and just straight to his room.

I feel for you. This is horrible.

Hope you're OK this morning

Oh this is so horrible. I hope it is innocent. But I'm not feeling it is innocent. I'd have to go there

If this were me I'd be keeping quiet about seeing the message and acting as if nothing had happened. Then at 3 I'd be sat outside that hotel to see if he checks in.

I'm so sorry OP, I really hope its innocent but it doesn't look great

I'm sorry OP, this must be such a shock. I'm another who can't see how it can be innocent, I would want to be there. I know my sister would understand in the situation.

Hope you are okay OP xxx

Don't confront him, he'll lie.

Just turn up at the place and catch him red handed!

If you don't go and find out whats going on I predict a lot more overtime in the next few weeks. As many others have said do not confront. You'll get bullshit. Then probably a hard time for reading his message. Even though it practically popped up in your face.

It's a good idea to ask a friend to drive you in their car. You may not feel up to driving anyway. i would ask the friend to go into the pub for me too i think.

When I was having a relationship with someone at work (when I was single), We didn't want work colleagues to know so I had his name stored in my phone as David.

You need to go to this premier inn place tonight. I always try and see the good in people and look for the innocent explanation but I am really struggling with this one.

Have you decided what you're going to do today? Good luck.

Sorry this does not look innocent. I haven't read all the responses
"David" is most likely code name for the woman. This is a frequent tactic
Yes Ring work & ring Hotel
He could go to Premier Inn early & shower, he won't necessarily come back home to clean up.
If you go to the hotel early, you could park in a place where you see the hotel bar/car park, & you won't have to go in. but if he's there from the afternoon sleeping/prepping then its a long wait.

You could wait at home & see when/if he comes home.
or, You could ring & say you are unwell & not going to your sisters....see when & how he comes home
Either way, pointless going to your sisters now.

Hope you got some sleep.

Agree with PPs to keep your powder dry.

Sorry this you're in this situation OP.
Have you decided what to do? Personally I wouldn't forewarn him by asking about the text, you need to go to the bar tonight. I realise that the night out mentioned might not be tonight but if you don't go you'll tear yourself apart wondering. Make an excuse to your sister, could you really go out to her meal anyway and act as though all was okay?

I don't think this message was sent in error as it seems to be a reply, IYSWIM. You just hit reply and type, you don't have to pick a name to send to.

I'm sorry OP, this smells a bit off. I can't imagine how you're feeling today but agree with PP that showing up at the place is the only way to get answers.

Good luck

Agree with the others op.

Keep your powder dry.

If you confront him, he'll deny and you'll eventually capitulate.

The only way to know is to go to the bar at 6.30 and see who he meets. I wouldn't bother going to the PI at 3. That proves nothing.

I can hear the pain in your posts and I am sorry for it.

If you go there, you may be able to work out why he's there from where his car is parked. Hotel customers generally have a separate car park to the pub's. So go there, see which one his car is in. That way you wouldn't even have to see him/them.

If I were him, I would go to the room first from work to shower and change. She might just join him in the room straight away anyway - if it's the early stage of their affair it will be all about sex, not pub grub and martinis.

I reckon the car will tell you.

Of course it's not "innocent", but it could genuinely be a message from a male friend, or from a woman who is just a friend. Plenty of people don't really find spending time with their in laws that interesting and would prefer to be out on the lash with some mates!

Just turn up at the meeting he's arranged and see for yourself, preferably dressed in a way that doesn't make you instantly recognizable! I wouldn't trust a friend to do this - too many things can go wrong, and you need to see for yourself with your own eyes.

I hope you get to the bottom of it. It doesn't sound good if I'm being honest.

i have a mate ( male, happily married) who I would send a text like that to
In fact several.

I hope it's all innocent.

however

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=French+Martini