Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

[backscratcher]

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

FFS iflyaway

You thought we needed your ridiculous irrelevant opinion nearly 700 posts in when you couldn't be arsed to rtft? At least read the OP's updates!

OP i'm sorry you're going through this.

but shit the bed, some of the responses on here are unhinged. it said martinis! he's gay! put on your best dress and hang around the smoking area at a Premier Inn! secretly record him! put a tracker in his car, hide your passport and send your friend to slap his face at a Toby Carvery!

OP, i'm going to gently suggest not getting shitfaced tonight. this is likely to end very badly. sober, the pair of you need to properly talk. if he's on the sly and the trust is gone to the extent that you won't believe a denial, then surely this is the end of the road anyway?

but again, i'm sorry you have all this stress and heartache.

OP, I discovered my exDH affair when I was holding his phone, because he was showing me something. The message came through, and while he laid back I read the rest.. Fucking idiot cunt.

I remember the gut wrenching, dropping, sickness feeling.

Keep going and above all, keep your chin up and your dignity. It will serve you well.

So sorry Op
Hope you manage to enjoy tonight

Hi OP

I followed your thread today and really feel for you. If tonight is any indication of how you will handle the next weeks and months I think you will recover well.

I can't believe you're going out and really admire you for it. I would be (was when this happened to me) crying in a heap.

So Sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar situation years ago and I truly wish I had gone along to where I knew his date was, and caught him in the act. It's my greatest regret.

Second what exwife said. It looks really like he is cheating, but if I understand correctly, all you have is that someone called Dave sent him a text about their drinks night, he lied about it, and you know he is there rather than at work.

He could easily come home and say that he was with David, a bloke, that he just didn't want to go out with your family, that he lied because he expected hassle, you said you were sick but he thought that you were manipulating him, there was no room booked for shagging, that you have trust issues. He could very easily make out that you are the bad guy here, he the innocent party.

You need to keep your guard up and your wits about you.

Good luck OP.

If he makes excuses tell him not to bother - say someone you know confirmed it to you.

So sorry this is happening.

Well done OP for calling him out on it and leaving that voicemail. His actions show he's guilty and doesn't know what to do now. So sorry you are going through this. Hope your sister can give you some support tomorrow. Kick the cheating fucker out. Sending strength 💪🏼

Or possibly he doesn't even care. So sorry

Well done for calling him out on it and just leaving the one message telling him not to come home.

Try and enjoy your night with your sister and forget about him for the evening.

Prepare yourself for his lies and excuses tomorrow morning though as l am sure he will be frantically trying to work out how much you know and what to say. You have been strong and dignified, you are worth so much more than this pathetic excuse for man .

I'm so sorry OP.

So sorry OP Some great advice from PPs.

His silence speaks volumes.

He's probably currently coming up with his cover story. Enjoy yourself, but don't go crazy on the alcohol, with how upset you are and add alcohol it won't end well.

I'm in awe of you holding it together enough to go out for dinner tonight, I'd be far too stressy & tearful.

You don't need any more 'proof'.

Stick to your guns about him being out of he's cheating. You know he is, don't listen to his slime ball excuses. Nor the Stepfords.

I'm so sorry though 💐

Thinking of you OP

So sorry OP

I'm sorry for you and your daughter, OP. What a pathetic excuse for a man. To think he tried to make you out to be unreasonable about feeling unwell and cancelling the OT etc. I hope she doesn't know about you and that he ends up alone.

So sorry OP. He's a scumbag.

Read Chumplady. It's helped me a lot. Pace yourself emotionally if you can, you know this is a long road.

annie sorry, who exactly are the "Stepfords"?

There is another thread in the relationships section called "liar liar, pants on fire" about the script, it might be helpful to have a look and refresh/prep yourself for tomorrow.

Good luck, I am very sorry this has happened to you.

So very sorry.

I'm so sorry OP, especially for you daughter. This is my biggest fear as a single mum, to find someone and for him to cheat when a child is involved.

I'd come help chuck his stuff out if you were nearby!

Good luck x

What a bastard!! Hope you're managing to have a good night xx

What an absolute tool this man is. So sorry you're dealing with this shit.