Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

[backscratcher]

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

Oh OP. What a cunt he is. I am so sorry

I am sorry to read your update OP.
You come across as very dignified and brave.
I am so sorry you have had the bad luck to meet two such creeps.
Hold your head high.

Gutted for you OP.

So sorry op. I've been there. You've been there before. It's sucks and tbh nothing any of us say will make it any better right now. I wish you well and hope that the cunt bastard prick spends the rest of his life miserable and regretting he lost someone amazing like you x

Thanks everyone.
I'm just waiting for a taxi into town now - have run late. I don't want to go, but don't want to let her down. I'm going to come home after the meal though.
I feel sick, shaky and just want to cry. And punch him in the fucking face.
I don't know who 'David' could be or how he would have met her. I've never had suspicions about him before.
I've been here before, 6 and a half years ago, and that hit me out of the blue too. I stayed with him for a few months because - well, because I'd just had a baby and I didn't know how to cope and I loved him and wanted it to be back to the way things used to be. But it never was. I despised him for what he'd done. Threw it up in his face constantly. Lived on my nerves, trying to always check his phone. Second guessing where he was, what he was doing when he wasn't with me. It was awful. The months with my newborn where I should have felt supported and loved by him, and they were horrible. Just horrible. I left because I knew I couldn't ever forgive him and things were just so awful.

He knew all this. I told him all this. We've been trying for a baby. The health issues I mentioned earlier was that I've recently been diagnosed with endometriosis. He wanted us to try for a baby.
His phone is still off.

So you know there is no going back from this. .
You also know you can go it alone.
Confide in your family over the week end.

And be glad this time you haven't got to cope with a baby in the mix.

You will be more than just fine op.

Your last post is harrowing reading. I'm so sorry you are going through this

Xx

Sorry but you need an STI check x

I'm so sorry backscratcher. While you sound very strong don't make my mistake dismiss the need for sadness, tears, anger, etc. Process what has happened so it doesn't remain a stuck trauma and it may make it slightly easier to get through and over. Take care.

what a shitbag

What an utter cunt he is. OP I know you've been there before, me too. Please be strong, even when you don't feel it. There is NO coming back from this, remember. You will be absolutely fine without him, you have already done this once

Flowers for you

I am truly sorry OP. Secrets and lies are the worst.

I found out by fluke. We were both out on seperate nights out with friends. My friends and I walked into a bar that non of us had ever been in before and he was there with her. His 'friends' turned out to be 'friend'. I bought a pint of lager and calmly walked over to him and slowly poured it over his head. It made me feel better even if half of it ended up in my shoes.

Not suggesting you do that but I hope it made you smile. It might make your feel better to unceremoniously throw his stuff into a black bin bag and leave it by the front door. Be strong. More

The fact he hung up and it's still off is just telling you everything, isn't it? He's such a shit for doing this to you. You're a lovely sister to still be going to the dinner. I hope he's shitting his pants.

If there is another woman he'll have had time to concoct at cover story by now, ask to see itemised phone bills, his reaction will be telling if he's denying everything

for you backscratcher. Keep your dignity, hold your head high. In time you will be able to move on from this.

What a waste of space, pile of crap he is. How dare he?

Keep reminding yourself how much better you are than him and you're lucky to have, what will be, a great, supportive family.

Perhaps sleep at your sister's tonight?

so sorry OP xx you're strong, fuck him!

God OP I'm so so sorry. What a total shit.

I'm so sorry it turned out like this Backscratcher
He's a scumbag.
If you read this while at your sisters, please think about staying there tonight, and dealing with the situation tomorrow.

I hope he's shitting his pants

if he was he'd be wanting dialogue.