Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

[backscratcher]

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

Aww I hoped your instinct was wrong. You must be just devastated. Give your phone, switched off, to your sister and get a drink down you. I'm so sorry for you

There are some of us here who are completely genuine, I promise. Not those silently place marking like it's an episode of Eastenders. I know how much of a kick in the gut this is, especially when you're not dating a Jack the lad type who you think is as kind as could be.

I know. He's effectively been caught. But in my experience, cheaters are very, very good at making you doubt yourself even when caught red-handed.

His aftershave isn't on the dresser. Aftershave that I fucking bought him and that he rarely fucking uses because he's more a wash and a roll-on kinda guy.
Gucci Guilty btw - how true.
Phone's still off. I've left him a voicemail not to come home and that he can collect his stuff tomorrow.

I'm going for the meal. I have to go and get ready now - am running so late.
Still shaking. The glass of wine I knocked back hasn't helped. I don't intend to tell my sister or parents tonight, but will tell my sister tomorrow.

Again, thank you so much everyone for your messages. Even those who did the humphy faces!

I wonder what excuse he'll decide one

Everyone who is telling the op that you've been in this situation before she has too. From her ex whilst pregnant with their baby!!
Her DP knows how much this broke her last time. She was reluctant to fall in love again in case of getting burnt. His a first class Dick.

I'm so sad for you op.

Absolute fucking twat.
You make damn sure he can't get back in that house.
Get your money out of that account.
Take his fucking choices away from him the bastard.
Ignore ignore ignore.
Cunt.

Oh fucking hell

Can you make the house secure and ensure that he can't get in?

I'm sorry this is happened. Regardless of how you found out it's still a killer.

Please think twice about making it easy for him to get back into the house.

Enjoy your night op.

I doubt he will -
Tomorrow is the day you start a new life without a cheating tosser holding you back. .

I'm so glad you're going out anyway OP you're amazing just maybe take it easy on the vino. It sends me crazy if I'm upset anyway!

I wonder if "David" knows about you op?

Excellent phone message to him.

What a scumbag to do this to you.

Sorry but it sounds like he's cheated. The bastard.

Lock him out, change the locks, belonginigs in garden and ignore.

Try and have a good time tonight.

The fact he hung up on you screams guilt as he probably got a shock. If he had nothing to hide he would have stayed on the phone and been like 'what you talking about?!'

I hope you manage to enjoy yourself a little tonight OP. Don't be scared to confide in family if you need to. Look to the future, and be glad you are rid of this lying scumbag xxx

Hope you have an ok night tonight.

Try really hard not to contact him again, it'll only make you feel worse.

Utter utter prick. Cunty cunty shithead. So sorry, op x

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

What a bugger!!

How can he go through with it now he knows you know???

Says a lot about what a prick he is.

If you took a note of "Dave's" number, you can run a search on Facebook, and it will bring up "David's" account.

I would find out exactly who left the message so that he can't lie about who he was meeting.
for you.

I'm glad you're still going out. Try and enjoy your evening as much as possible x

Ah OP, I'm so sorry . Wish I hadn't been correct in this instance but his behaviour screamed cheat tbh. For some reason most men don't take the precautions you'd imagine they would to not get found out.

Prepare yourself to him to claim he didn't go through with anything and therefore technically didn't cheat. But even if he hasn't, the intent was there and the planning and deception occured. For him to do that knowing what your ex had put you through is staggeringly shit of him.

My advice is to tell your family and let them support you. If not them, have you a good friend you can talk to?

Huge hugs from me.

Enjoy your night, OP, if you can.
Then tomorrow you can kick his arse.