Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

[backscratcher]

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

OP I'm so sorry. I hoped it would be something innocent. What an utter shit!

No, no point in going to hotel now.

You KNOW.

That's all you need. That's what most folk just really wanted you to have - especially those that have been through it. The security of knowing rather than being eaten up with doubts and going into that hell of suspicion.

Nobody, on the other hand, wants you to go and try and find him in this situation and have a showdown or whatever - nothing but hurt there. Don't do that to yourself. No need. You know enough to make your plans.

Have a bloody big drink, double lock the front door if you can and pull the place apart if you think it will help - I would, I know.

Take it you are not going over to your sis - hope you can either tell her or someone else you trust, maybe someone could come over?

again

Leave him to it back, pack his stuff up and go have a drink.

You don't need to rip apart the house to know what's going on. Go get a drink. Go be with people that love you.

He's probably crapping himself now. It's a good time to completely ignore him.

Big hug x

So sorry, OP. Pack his belongings, dump them outside of your house, then go get pissed at your sisters.

Shame you can't get the locks changed too.

What an utter fuckmuppet!

Please don't waste more time on him. Start a new memory with your sister

Oh god OP - so sorry you've ha to go through this

I suggest you crack open a nice bottle of wine and start packing his bags (with all of his shirts minus the arms).

Surely his next move would be to come home - spineless bastard.

I'm so sorry OP. You don't need to go there, you know everything you need to know.

Try not to call him, he'll be getting his story straight. Is there anyone you can call in real life? I know it hurts, but you are so much better than this man.

Important!!

If he's not only phone/text doing this already be prepared for the following;

1. He goes on the offensive...how dare you accuse me...I'm only meeting 'Dave'? Things changed last minute at work (he may even blame you for saying you were ill and needed him) he wasn't needed...is it such a crime to see a friend?!! Does he have to inform you of every move he makes...can't believe you don't trust him blah blah blah. He will try to guilt you make you feel like your in the wrong whatever it takes to grab any semblance of control back.

2. He will beg plead and say it's nothing, only a drink, he was flattered by the attention...wasn't going to do anything...honest!! It's you he loves not her...please forgive him...he can't/won't live without you.

Don't fall for it. Hold your ground...get him out and give yourself time to think.

I'm so so sorry op. I am sending big hugs. I cont imagine how you must be feeling tonight.

Enjoy your drink but please keep a level head in case you either find some evidence or he comes back to talk.

🍷🍷🍷

I bet he's shitting himself that you turn up given that you know where he is. I hope he's fucking squirming.

May I gently suggest getting the locks on the house changed immediately and cancelling his card to the joint account so he can't clear it out? Sorry but speaking from bitter experience...

OP I'm so sorry, men really are such bastards.

Can you access the joint account and any others you've got and shift half the money into one of your accounts, just in case he starts getting nasty.

Massive unmumsnetty hugs for you

Oh I'm so sorry OP.

Can you transfer some money from the joint acct to yourself in case he does remove a load?

We're all here for you. I'd fucking kill him. Did you say House was in your name? Pack his shit and leave it on the lawn.

Sorry op.
I can't believe he hasn't even called you back? Jesus Christ.
I would go to your sisters as planned if only for the satisfaction of not seeming to be waiting in for him devastated and upset when he gets home. (Be upset at your sisters where people can look after you but it will hit him in the ego if he thinks you haven't crumbled-and ego is what I really believe drives these people).

I'm so sorry OP. You're being incredibly strong. Well done you

Oh shit I'm so sorry. However this is better than not knowing and living in limbo at least!

I certainly wouldnt chase him, he doesn't deserve your attention. Have a glass of wine, pack up his things and leave them on the doorstep for him to find and ghost him. He will be back with his tail between his legs soon enough and then it will be your turn to have your phone magically switch off.

If you can get a locksmith out tonigh I would get the locks changed immediately, leave his things outside and go to your sisters and try and have some fun of your own. He is a loser and has lost out big time. Stay strong hug

As if he hasn't called back spineless cunt 😡 I read this thread hoping we were all wrong sorry op xxx

So sorry OP.

Look for other evidence if you want to but don't drive yourself crazy - he will probably cleaned up his phone by the time you see him.

Hugs op. Hope you've poured yourself a drink!

I'm so sorry, what a cunt to not even call you back. You're being very strong

OP, I've been in your situation. He'll try lie his way out. What worked for me was pretending I knew more than I did.
A solid 'Yeah, but that's not true is it?' Or 'More lying is really not going to help here' can work wonders. He'll be trying to figure out what you know.
Good luck and I'm sorry this is happening to you. He's a dick and you deserve better

She definitely doesn't need any more evidence. He's been caught red handed and he knows it. There is NOTHING he can say to backtrack from this

What a cowardly cunt. Hanging up and switching off his phone so he can decide what lies to spin to you now.

So sorry OP.

Sorry op.

Yes to getting your money out of joint account asap and changing the locks.