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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

999 replies

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:00

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

OP posts:
GlitteryFluff · 12/05/2017 08:28

I would also go there and wait to see if he and someone else turns up. Sorry op Flowers

blueskyinmarch · 12/05/2017 08:32

My guess is he is going to work as he says, but he is not doing the late shift, then going to this hotel to get changed. ‘David’ (male or female) is meeting him at 6.30 after they have finished work. They are spending the night together. Sorry OP. I hope it is a mistake and that the message has been sent in error but if not, it is not looking good.

Kahlua4me · 12/05/2017 08:36

I think I would have to ask face to face this am and ask to read full text messages too. Facial xoression, eye contact etc might give you answers.

There is also a chance that it was a mistake and text wrong person, not meant for him at all.

Stay strong

User11145755 · 12/05/2017 08:37

It doesn't look good but there's still a chance it could be a misunderstanding.
DONT ASK HIM, if something's going on he will lie and try to cover his tracks.
Check the car, look in the boot for a bag/change of clothes, note down the mileage
Go to the bar at 6.45 or hide out in the car park at 6.30
Text your sister and say you are running late if you have too,
Hopefully it will just be a misunderstanding but you will never know unless you turn up at the place, good luck x x

FidgetWidget · 12/05/2017 08:38

OP If you know what time the early shift usually finishes, why not watch discreetly to see if DH leaves work at the usual time? If he does, then you can decide to go to the hotel.

user1466690252 · 12/05/2017 08:40

I would not say anything and be in this place when they are arranged to be. stay out of sight and find out for yourself. when EXH had an affair I had all this crap for ages, I was crazy, he was in work ect. I would of bet my house on the fact he wasn't the type. I eventually thought enough was enough and went to the bar and saw it for myself. he never saw me, but he saw the divorce and subsequent change in my attitude because I KNEW I was correct and was better than his shitty behaviour. I hope it all works out ok for you. My peace of mind was worth leaving him alone. I am far happier

twattymctwatterson · 12/05/2017 08:41

Op I hope you're ok and managed to get some sleep. Joining PPs in saying I don't think this message is innocent

SunshineAndSandyBeaches · 12/05/2017 08:42

Hope you are okay op

twattymctwatterson · 12/05/2017 08:42

.. sorry posted too soon. I don't think you're going to get over this unless you go there tonight and find out. Have you decided what you're going to do?

CatThiefKeith · 12/05/2017 08:44

Agree with everyone else - you need to pop by this pub tonight to put your mind at rest if nothing else.

Jackiebrambles · 12/05/2017 08:45

I really don't think calling the premier inn will help you. If he is having an affair with 'David' then she/he'll have booked the hotel.

So sorry you are going through this OP.

I honestly don't know what I'd do if it was me.

Iamdobby63 · 12/05/2017 08:45

I doubt the premier in would give out any information, even if they do and it's not booked under his name then what? It could still be booked under 'Davids' name or booked on arrival.

The only way to know 100% is to go there or get someone else to do it.

Your other option is whilst he is stood in front of you ask to read the messages from 'David' - no doubt he will say something about not trusting him etc., but you would have to stand your ground, if you are wrong you can apologise after. Don't back down though.

peppatax · 12/05/2017 08:46

Can you travel in a friend's car? If you go in yours he might see you before you see him!

angieloumc · 12/05/2017 08:46

Hope you're ok OP, you must have had a very difficult night.

Mix56 · 12/05/2017 08:49

Could you hide your phone in his car on silent & use phone tracking ?

2boytrouble · 12/05/2017 08:51

Hope you're ok op

Mommawoo · 12/05/2017 08:51

Good luck op, I second not saying anything and just showing up. Some people can be excellent liars when put on the spot.

iamavodkadrinker · 12/05/2017 08:52

This is a grubby thread. The poor OP worrying, and some people gleefully treating it as though it were some form of interactive soap opera.

confusedat23 · 12/05/2017 08:52

.

TheGrumpySquirrel · 12/05/2017 08:52

Urgh, been following this thread. How awful for you OP. I would definitely check (ring hotel to see if there is a booking - although it could be in OW name). I would go undercover to the pub for sure. I'm sorry but the wink face is bad and I think "French martinis" is a euphemism. It's weird he has been so determined to back out of going to your sisters and working instead. At the very least I'd stay home and see if he comes home.

SuperFlyHigh · 12/05/2017 08:53

Good luck OP, just googled urban dictionary's "French Martini" meaning. Eww

FellOutOfBed2wice · 12/05/2017 08:53

When my ex partner was cheating his bit of stuff was in his phone as "Dave" Hmm I would bide your time and investigate further so he doesn't start covering stuff up.

qazxc · 12/05/2017 08:55

Oh dear, it doesn't sound very good.
Could it be a work drink? And David is having a joke because one of their colleagues keeps going on about martinis?

Oblomov17 · 12/05/2017 08:58

I would send a friend. And get friend to take a phone photo of the 2 of them together. Without dh noticing, for evidence.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/05/2017 08:58

Ah crap.
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
Ring the hotel and see if he's booked a room in his name.
I would imagine he will go there from work to get ready.
She will then join him.
My Ex kept his OW name on his phone under a male name.
I'm sure they think we are fucking stupid.
Don't tip him off you know.
Get to the place if you can for 6:45-7pm.
If they have a room they could be planning to 'do things' before they leave the room for drinks.
And men wonder why there are so many man-hating women in this world!