Is anyone awake? I think I was just raped

[AskingForIt]

I'm in shock. I don't know what to do. My friends are sleeping

Oh Asking I'm so sorry.

My ISVA just replied saying I need to take it up with the police myself. Wish I had never said anything

I'm so sorry op, I am absolutely livid on your behalf.

It sounds like you just need to find someone willing to fight your corner.

I think in the meantime get yourself a ziplock bag, and stick all your clothes from that night in it, and seal it up. I hope that's the right advice - if someone who knows a bit about forensics disagrees please say. And continue to hang on to those messages.

Personally, I'd be willing to write a letter of complaint on your behalf, but understand for privacy reasons you probably wouldn't want to give details. Maybe lots of us could send general letters of concern to the IPCC outlining the circumstances as we're aware of them and demanding to have concrete answers about why the police and domestic violence services are refusing to follow the law. What's the point in all the PR publicising how compassionate and enlightened the police are about sexual assault these days when this is the brutal Reality?

The counsellor I spoke to this morning suggested I make a complaint to the IPCC as I assume she thinks it's been mishandled. She said my ISVA could help me with this but she isn't interested. Just feel completely stupid for thinking it even mattered

OP you could try and bring a civil case against the rapist, plus against the police while you're at it!

Seeing as you have such solid confession of guilt you might find a solicitor specialising in this field who would be willing to take your case on, on a 'no win no fee' basis.

It's worth finding someone on google and giving them a call. Most will have an initial chat with you free of charge.

That's an interesting idea

OP, is it worth seeing your GP? Getting it on record and seeing if there is any support down that avenue?

That's another good idea thank you. Really don't know if I'm coming or going at the moment

That's another good idea thank you. Really don't know if I'm coming or going at the moment

I was in a situation to this one Christmas Eve. I didn't say yes but I didn't say no. I just remember him having sex with me but I kept passing out/ falling asleep. It was a friend of my brothers who I didn't know very well but we had all been drinking. It was worse that I'd never had sex before I think I was 15. I had to tell my mum and Christmas Day we had to try and find the morning after pill. I didn't think about telling the police as I couldn't say what went on (not like you op this is just my side) anyway he left my house without saying anything. him and his mum turned up at my house to say they had spoken to the police to get in there first incase I do. Still to this day my brother and parents don't think it was a big deal. I had to go to the STI clinic with my dad and all sorts. The story doesn't help and sorry to but in but I hope you find someone to talk to. Have you told any family or friends?

I'm sorry you went through that. It was a big deal.
I'm too ashamed to tell my family. I've told some friends. One of which laid into me saying it was my duty to report and if I didn't I was making a mockery of rape and All rape victims. I haven't spoken about it since with that group of friends

Sorry I wasn't 15. I wasn't underage. More 16/17. I would only tell a few people. Has anyone phoned you back?

I'm not telling anyone else. In my initial panic in the middle of the night when I was suddenly alone and he was threatening to kill himself I just started messaging people in the desperate hope someone was still up. Only close friends of course but even some of them have let me down

And no the police officer never called back

Decided I'm going to make a complaint to the IPCC without any help from my ISVA

One of which laid into me saying it was my duty to report and if I didn't I was making a mockery of rape and All rape victims

I'm so sorry your friend was so unsupportive. Reporting a rape or sexual offence is so much more complicated than that.

Good luck with your complaint. Some great suggestions about trying the civil courts too.

I tried to report and was turned away. She was just Mouthing off without having the full story

OP I'm sorry this has happened to you. Sadly I'm not suprised, it can be common - that doesn't help you, I know. If you are going to make a compaint have a look at this online guide first, I think it will be useful:

womenagainstrape.net/sites/default/files/justiceguidejune2016website.pdf

And write to your MP, or copy them in on anything you send. WIth the GE coming up, whoever is currently your MP will only be taking on urgent new casework, but don't be fobbed off because this is urgent.

Thinking of you

OP - it's quite hard to take a civil case (private prosecution) against the man that did this. It would be much better for you if the police did the investigating which is why your case is so urgent.

If you want to take action against the police for how they've dealt with this so far, you need a solicitor who deals with actions against the police. But they may advise you to wait until they have investigated the rape (if they ever start investigating it).

Again - if you can read that guide above it will give you a better idea of what your options are now and what you can do. You can also contact them - their details are in the guide.

Good luck.

Yes, the MP idea could be good if your MP is of a progressive leaning, or a feminist conservative.

Thank you, I will have a read this morning

Just made a formal complaint. Feel a bit better for having done so. I spoke to rape crisis earlier who explained why it was rape and why I'm not over reacting. They said the same as you guys. Thank you so much for the support

That's brilliant news OP! I'm so glad you made a formal complaint.

Keep strong! Sending my love xxx

Oh Asking well done!! x