My birthday or uncles funeral...

[Mayaa6]

Right..I'm asking for some advice as feeling quite miserable but not sure if I'm overreacting/unreasonable/selfish.

I have been with my partner for 4 years, we have a one year old son together. We have had some issues (and we have been attending couples therapy for those) but I generally think he cares about me and our son.

My birthday is coming up next week and except last year (our boy was few weeks old and I was exhausted) he usually planned something special for us to do together.

He found out last week that his uncle died. He has never been in touch with this uncle while we were together..
He found out today that the funeral is on my birthday.
It's 4.5 hours drive to the funeral so if he goes he will be away for 1 or 2 nights.

He called and told me "he has a difficult decision to make" - so he hasn't decided yet to leave me with our boy and bugger off to a funeral of an uncle he had no contact with for years.
He is saying he wants to attend as representative of his mother (she is dead) as his sister who lives close by is away on holidays.

I feel it shouldn't be a "difficult decision" at all and I'm feeling hurt he is seriously considering it.

Do I sound unreasonable?

YABVU. Of course he should go to his Uncle's funeral.

Yabu, this shouldn't be a hard decision. He goes to the funeral and you have your birthday another day. You're an adult so it shouldn't be a big ask!

When my DD died one of my cousins, who was in the armed forces and i hardly saw, was sent home from abroad by his squadron leader in order to pay his respects. I was overwhelmed that he was there. I really think a birthday is hardly here nor there in relation to a family funeral.

YADBU

YABVU. He should go to the funeral and you should apologise for even considering that your birthday is more important. You are cute man no across as incredibly immature.

'Bugger off to a funeral'! YABVU

Yup totally being unreasonable

Celebrate your birthday on another day . I have a feeling the uncle can't rearrange his day

This has to be a reverse right?

This is probably one of the most selfish, self centred posts I have ever read on here.

YABTU, I can imagine you being completely hard work and that is why your dp is struggling to make a decision.

Jesus christ, this has to be a wind up or a reverse, surely?!

YABVU

unanimously utterly unreasonable and spoiled / princessy to boot.

Yes, YABU. You can celebrate another day and have a good day with your son, family or friends whilst your partner is away. Funerals are important and mean a lot to the relatives who were close to the deceased.

Yes YABU.

The last thing you can ever do for someone is attend their funeral.

You, if you're lucky will have many more birtdays, grow up and stop acting like a selfish brat.

Definitely the funeral. Mean of you to think otherwise and make your partner feel it was a difficult decision. Funerals aren't for the dead but for those left behind.

Oh my. You are being horrendously unreasonable. Are you normally this selfish?

I think he should go to the funeral, as he'll never have that chance again. It would be a comfort to whoever your uncle has left behind, to know his nephew has made the effort.

It's not really about the funeral or your birthday, is it, OP? You want him to prove he loves you, by putting you first. I'm sorry you're having a tough time and I hope you decide to be gracious and celebrate your birthday another day. The ideal would be for you to support him going and that he treats you when he gets back. Hope you have a happy birthday. 💐

You sound delightful

If it was your DS's first birthday and you had invited loads of people to celebrate I could see you being miffed if he chose the funeral but the funeral cannot be moved and your birthday celebration can.

Think it could cause a lot of ill feeling if you press this with DP.

YABU.

It's unfortunate that your birthday has been affected two years running but that's life.

This can't be a serious post.

No-one would be that callous!

His uncle is dead and he wishes to attend the funeral, Yes your unreasonable to ask him not to go as it's your birthday your still alive so why can't you just go out another time? his uncle is actually dead and the funeral is the last goodbye and no flower they can't move the funeral to accommodate your birthday.

How anyone could post your OP and think anyone will pat you on the head and say " what a horrid man your with how could he think of going to a funeral on your birthday" is beyond me

You are probably viewing it as DP going a long distance to a funeral of a near stranger.

DP will probably be seeing it as representing his DM at her brother's funeral. Whether DP was close to his uncle or not, surely you can see why it would be important to him to do that?

I'm not really one to see the fuss over adult birthdays but - even if you do - you don't have to celebrate on the actual day. The closest weekend will be fine.