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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

997 replies

InfoSec21 · 01/05/2017 00:26

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Allthembuckets · 03/05/2017 23:02

Lana that doesn't seem cold to me.

Bant ppl are just odd anyway Grin

I was supposed to have date 2 with Mr Boxer tonight but he asked to postpone, starting to feel I'm cursed for 2nd dates. Matched with 2 ppl so far on Bumble, 1 is double my allowed distance (don't know how that happened?) sent a message to the other guy earlier but no response yet. POF and OKC are full of the same ppl.

OutToGetYou · 03/05/2017 23:02

It is a shame Bant, I think some people on OLD are not quite ready to commit. We're not all on there for the same reasons or at the same stages.

I've let all my irons/conversations drop. Either they were just too dull or not responsive enough. One guy asked to move to WhatsApp then messaged about twice an evening. What's the point of that? And he asked me a football question immediately after I told him I know nothing about football (he asked if I knew which team another team had beaten, I had no clue, don't care). I tried a few times, thinking 'well, mustn't leave it so it's always him starting a conversation' but even if I started one he didn't really follow up and often just stopped responding. So, I've not read his last message (though I've seen it via swipe down) and he can whistle.

Another one just stopped responding on POF. One stopped responding halfway through a conversation because I used the word 'misogynistic', one exchanged three messages then asked me if I wanted to go to a gig with him that night - bit too much for me.

I'm too stressed about moving and the ex being a twat, I'm not sure I have the headspace right now. I'd really like some single friends though, male or female. So, if anyone wants to meet up as friends, drop me a line! Am East Midlands - Beds/Cambs/Northants sort of area.

LanaDReye · 03/05/2017 23:12

Last man I dated acted as though he was vulnerable but sadly really had a possesive streak. At the end he tried changing the words I knew I had said to ones that suited him more. After I ended it he apologised for the way he had behaved and we wished each other well. I'm glad I got out when I did as, although we had some good time together, the problems wouldn't have gone away. It was a good learning experience as I learnt to trust my judgment!

Dating is frustrating, but it can work where's the crystal ball to see what happens next?

LanaDReye · 03/05/2017 23:22

Thanks buckets and I'd give MrBoxer two-three days to suggest a day for date 2. Any nore and he's just not showing signs of being keen to date? assuming he has a good excuse now

Out sounds like you've hit a patch of lazy,dim unmotivated potentials. The 'gig' man did seem keen thiugh?

OutToGetYou · 03/05/2017 23:30

Mm, not sure about 'keen', maybe...... it was more just opportunisitic. he said "Tonight I'm going to a pub (driving) with a mate as they have a 70's and 80's music event...The George in xxx [not very near me] if you fancy it"

With a mate? Nah.

Allthembuckets · 03/05/2017 23:37

Yeah Lana I hope he does want to see me again but will leave the ball in his court. I wasn't bothered at all with Mr Decorator as was a big meh about him but had a few snogs with Mr Boxer and was looking forward to more tonight.

Good side of not messaging through WhatsApp is not having access to last seen.

Going through OKC as it's working atm and that seems to be a rare event for me!

Allthembuckets · 03/05/2017 23:40

Out I would like that too! Nice to not get out with friends who know my ex. But I'm in the South East Sad

OutToGetYou · 03/05/2017 23:40

WA is apparently down anyway. I have 'last seen' turned off.

Original poster
InfoSec21 · 03/05/2017 23:41

You can turn off last seen in What's App. It's much better to do that, removes a lot of over thinking!

OP posts:
OutToGetYou · 04/05/2017 00:03

All - my ex got custody of the friends :(

lettucesoup · 04/05/2017 00:21

OutToGetYou
The father pf my children got all arsey when he realised that I had been to several social things with friends. He proceeded to tell me they were HIS friends. Such joy, I miss him less and less.

Bant · 04/05/2017 06:08

My ex and I had a few mutual friends - many of whom went awkwardly silent to both of us when we split, but we had separate circles of friends too, as she didn't really like most of mine and I didn't really like hers.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 04/05/2017 06:14

WA was down last night. Wildcard managed to message at 11 when I was already asleep! I concur on wanting lots of friends. Thankfully I didn't actually like any of my exH's friends; so I didn't lose anything there. I have made all my friends since my divorce. I'm in the NW and would be happy to meet some dating thread friends!

Pavonia · 04/05/2017 06:39

Well, after a bit of late night messaging I've got a coffee date planned for the weekend. Maybe this is the one!

OutToGetYou · 04/05/2017 07:00

I have a large group of friends who he would not be able to get to, but they are nearly all married and none live close to me.

The people we hung out with were his friends because I moved to where he lived so was isolated. It's quite hard to meet people when you don't have kids, no one knows what to talk to you about and I mainly work a long way away so am put of the house 14 hours a day. He didn't like any of my friends or family. He purposely disengaged from a couple of my friends who he didn't like which meant me not seeing them either.
I met one woman in the village who was single but ex decided he didn't like her because she was "too left wing and whiney" big be still managed to over shadow my friendship with her by trumping up when I popped round for a cup of tea and inviting himself when I went for a drink with her, so I have up and since we split up I've lost touch.
I met a chap who was a comedian who ex decided he did like, but he made him into his friend, not mine. Now that guy is part of the group of ex's mates.

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 04/05/2017 07:05

I got to keep all my friends but then the ex barely had any (said he'd given them up all for me - not at my request I can assure you - I miss him less and less)

Still, new friends are never a bad thing: I'm East Midlands, Leicestershire.

I'm feeling a lot better a about things this morning regarding The Nurse. Have given myself a good talking to: No, I wasn't expecting to meet someone who had the effect he does on me (15 years since this has happened to me) but I put myself out there so have to take responsibility for that: I can communicate and do my part to encourage the situation to work out but that is all I can do: the chips will fall where they will and there's no point in working myself up about it.

OutToGetYou · 04/05/2017 07:05

Sorry for typos, though "trumping up" is probably not entirely inaccurate!

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 04/05/2017 07:10

Out - your ex sounds very controlling

RunnnyMummy · 04/05/2017 07:47

My ex-h told me he didn't see the point of friends. Said he only needed me.

RunnnyMummy · 04/05/2017 07:48

outto have PM'd you

Polarbearflavour · 04/05/2017 09:18

Nooooooooo I have a cold sore! I have those patch things so I won't "infect" him. Obviously no kissing. I have a feeling he'll cancel now...

missmove38 · 04/05/2017 09:22

Lana your post reminded me of my ex. He came across as very sweet and happy with everything, but would then subtly tell me things he didn't like (like talking to my male neighbor one day?!) he would also in an argument change what was sos around which fortunately I saw early on and had been there in a previous relationship. Did really like him but don't do the controlling thing.

CoverMeLadsImGoingIn · 04/05/2017 10:04

Morning all! Mum what's the point of the scammers though? I mean really what does it achieve? Other than wasting someone's time.

So of the 8 people I messaged on Bumble 2 have replied with 4 odd hours to go. I'm extremely suspicious of MrTwoWords whose replies don't sound human if I'm honest. Lots of non sequiturs and no answer to (friendly) questions about how things are where he is (I know the place well). Answered one by asking if I have Kik. I don't. Would I be kind enough to download it?

Well actually no, I don't want to download an app just to chat to one random stranger, I'm not giving my number out to said random stranger after less than 24hours and why the hell can't we chat on the Bumble app? It's still an app where you chat.

Any thoughts/insights, wise daters?

RunnnyMummy · 04/05/2017 10:14

coverme I've been asked to install kik/Snapchat/Viber. Just say no.
I tell them my phone is full & there's no space for more apps.

CoverMeLadsImGoingIn · 04/05/2017 10:21

Thanks Runny I just don't get why there's a need. But I'm old and set in my ways, I guess cats bum mouth