Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I'd suspect they want saucy photos. No one who has ever asked me to download an app has been a good prospect.

CoverMe yes messaging on Bumble is fine. I might swap numbers prior to meeting if I thought it would be helpful e.g. when meeting up somewhere big/busy. That sounds a similar response rate to when I did it. You are sensible to do a blitz because if you message just one person who you really like the look of it is horrible when they don't reply.

If Mr TwoWords doesn't sound human that doesn't bode well whether or not he is real!

It's fine for people to politely ask if you use another app for messaging but when they are demanding about it that is not on.

I like to exchange numbers shortly before meeting. That's generally best. People who do it too early (before a date has been mentioned) tend to vanish.

Bant sorry to hear about the situation with miss civil

coverme good luck on Bumble.

Anyone want to meet up in London (or come for a visit), give me a shout -new friends always welcome

I work in London, so can def do drinks after work any weekday evening. :)

I would happily meet in London too, Monday to Thursday evenings suit me best.

The point of scammers on dating sites?

I guess they'll have an emergency and need some cash before long...

Hello all, been following this thread for a while please may I join?!
Currently in the dating game - it's bloody hard work though!
I have a second date with a guy tomorrow - quite like him but obviously need to spend more time with him.
I recently ended things with an FWB - totally for the right reasons as we have been quite toxic for each other at times but I'm hurting a little from it.

I've been dating probably from around last August time - had several dates with people but just didn't feel it or we didn't have enough in common - or indeed they felt as I did!

I love reading this thread it's great to hear that other people feel exactly how I do (pre date nerves, post date follow up waiting ...!)

I have had people ask to borrow cash after a couple dates, these people are out there.

I think some people just get kicks out of game playing and messing with people's lives, a lot of people are just not honest, make out they are really into you when all along they are checking out other women/men.

I don't seem to have any irons, Mr Normal doesn't seem to want to whatsapp me but has been on POF all day, Mr Tree hasn't messaged me and I can see he's on POF too, I give up . All I had this morning was one message from someone with no profile picture and noth No written n their profile, waste of time.

Lovemusic maybe forget dating for a few days and organise some fun stuff for the weekend to give yourself a boost?

Interesting about the scammers and people asking to borrow money. I guess it makes sense to avoid talking about your financial situation during the early days of dating?

Ruby welcome!

What a lovely day it is (here, anyway) it quite makes me forget what a ball ache this all is . I miss the days of going to a disco and some spotty oik sidling up going "my friend fancies you" and once you'd been "asked out" that was it. You were boyfriend and girlfriend from the off; no "chat" to be had sigh

Anyhow, I said no to Kik, MrTwoWords said, predictably, two words (oh and OK, if you're curious) so that's that as far as I'm concerned. Can't be making all the conversational effort this early on.

There's another possible, let's call him Ageing Rocker (just my type mwahaha) I had a few messages with last night. Don't think he's the next Mr Cover, but I think he'd be good for some fun and God knows I need that right now.

None of the other Bumble options replied (then why like me? If it's just for an ego boost that is S.A.D) and there's one more in the queue at this point.
Have had a guy from OKC tell me I was beautiful and ask me what I was looking for as he wanted a serious relationship.

And that's it thus far. Will to live not entirely lost. Yet.

I think I will take a break for a few days, just disappointed as I have the weekend free and won't have another free one for a while, would have been nice to have a date.

Hi all - just updating again about my situation with Mr Outdoors who I started seeing in February. I have been increasingly frustrated with his reluctance to meet up in the weekends and to either stay over at mine or let me stay over at his due to the sensitivities of his adult DC and on Friday texted him to say it wasn't working for me.

We met up on Sunday to discuss things and have now decided to call it a day. He is very clear he wants a relationship with someone living closer with more availability on week nights whereas I want someone to spend the weekends with. I am feeling quite sad despite the fact there were a few niggles - the sex wasn't brilliant (although it may have improved with time) and he's also quite overweight.

So I have updated my profile picture and gone back on GSM but there don't seem to be many new faces since the last time I was looking in February. I have messaged a couple of possible irons but I can see they've read the messages, looked at my profile and not replied.

So I was thinking of trying Bumble and have joined but am not sure how it works? I can see that it takes your photo and age from Facebook and you can choose a job from the generic list but is it purely on appearance? Is there no way to select who you are shown on educational background, relationship status, height and build etc? Do people write that information in their 300 word profiles?

So just a quick gauge (& no judgements made) on how long you'd see someone before you dtd?
Some of my friends have told me to wait until at least the 6th date (I.e 6 weeks down the line) my first date was nearly a month ago but he's been away for the last 2 weeks and tbh I'm dying to see him! Not saying I'm going to even get that far but not sure I can wait another 2 weeks! Thoughts on why you wait/don't wait?!

Hello...
De-lurking and coming up for air from revising to join in...

So last time I shared, I was stood up by, let's call him Mr Guitar, because his son broke his leg and he had to go to hospital. He was very very very sorry the next day and we agreed in principle to meet up next week after my exam. I was on Facebook and he pops up in "friends you may know" so I had a scroll through his Facebook page. I came across a thread he started about "bloody immigrants taking over"... There were comments supporting his thinking through the thread and other racist stuff. I want no part of this attitude, so that's the end of that.

In the meantime.. I've been chatting on and off for about a month with another bloke, let's call him Mr Fridge. We've never met but 1week into chatting, he told me he likes me but only wants to see me as FWB and nothing more. I said OK, but nope - not interested. So he said fairplay but we got good banter can we keep chatting. I said OK.

He calls me everyday sometimes for a quick 5mins sometimes longer.

Yesterday he told me, "I wish I'd lied and said I wanted a relationship we'd be having so much fun".

I imagine that he'll get bored soon and stop calling me so I'm not too concerned about Mr Fridge.

I've put all my OLD on hold. Wish I was in London I'd definitely come and meet you ladies for a drink. Enjoy

outto, and lettuce will message you. (Although my home computer has no internet!)

@missmove38

I wait about 6-8 weeks before I DTD mainly because I know I get emotionally attached when I DTD so don't want anything casual. So far, but only in my experience, I've noticed after 2/3rd date if you haven't DTD some blokes get a bit antsy start asking about sex then disappear LoL. Solo not many have made it to date 6

I say do what's right for you x

I used to be one of those annoying women who said "I slept with my husband on the first date and he still married me". Which was true. He's now my ex husband and I'd wait til date 6 at the very least

It's a shame I don't live in London as a night out with you guys would be much fun , but if any of you are in the Midlands (East or West) then I'm freeeeeee. (I'll go back and check, actually, things are moving fast here and I need to read back a bit).

Ooh, a new message from Ageing Rocker. I shall return......

coverme, nurse I have a sofa bed (it's slightly uncomfortable)

I like meeting new people.

JustMe on Bumble some people include useful info in the 300 word bio but many leave it blank, which is one of the problems. You can't search. I haven't used the paid options.

Regarding DTD, it's a bit theoretical for me at the moment! In my OKC questions I have said 6+ dates (the highest option) but that is partly about managing expectations. I think the decision is very individual.

I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for online dating. As Cover mentioned it seemed easier years ago and I think I am still in this mindset.

After the last strange man I decided to get back out there and started messaging someone. He seemed nice but then didn't message me for a day even though I could see he was online. I messaged him the next evening (again he was online) as we had agreed to meet up later that week. He said he was still interested, was just very busy and gave me his number. So he then messaged me over the next couple of days but I was cautious. Even more so as I learned that he works away in another part of the UK for 10 days and comes home for 4. This was unlikely to change as it isn't a local company. While this might work for some I was uncertain that I would feel that I would have a 4 day window to see him.

We met and I actually had a good time with him and learned that we had quite a bit in common. At the end of the date he asked to see me again before he left for the next 10 days. We didn't arrange a set date as he said he was visiting family the next day, but I kind of assumed he would follow up. So when I got back home we continued to message and then he disappeared. The disappearing was normal by then and he usually apologised the next morning saying he fell asleep. However I didn't get an apology from him but I just thought it was because he was away visiting his family. He messaged later on that evening with just a response to my last message but we continued on. It turned out that he didn't visit family after all and was going the next day. Of course then still no mention of date 2 and by then I was wondering when it would take place since he was now visiting family. I was going to ask when he responded to a bit of a running joke we were having but he didn't respond for 1 hour 40 mins. I don't expect an immediate response but when I could see he was online, I felt a bit sidelined. To my shame when he finally responded I sent a message along the lines of how I had a nice time but its clear he doesn't think the same.

I'm just not cut out for this dating. I know you message others, and usually I do but there is just no one even remotely interesting, but to ignore someone who you are supposed to be meeting again for so long? I just hate this constant messaging, not knowing if they are going to disappear and wondering what is wrong with me :(

*ElsasAuntie" you are not alone! I haven't got the hang of the messaging culture either. But aside from the messaging issue your date hasn't followed through on the proposed second date which seems more of an issue for me. Given his four day window (which is his problem not yours) he should have been agreeing a time with you asap.

bant without coming across rude you don't seem to give women much of a chance before dismissing them.
I think some of your points are valid some not so much.

Pavonia that's what I thought. When I found out that he hadn't gone to visit family but was going the next day that limited when we would have date 2.

I just don't get this messaging. Like at night am I expecting too much from them by saying goodnight when I go to bed? Also what do you say in messages? I like to have a joke but now I'm worried that's giving the wrong impression but then how do you make yourself seem interesting?

Elsa - IME if the convo is awkward and doesn't improve knock it on the head and move on. I became quite brutal TBH and only stuck around if the conversation was easy.

If The Nurse sticks I'll stand by my theory.