Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Cory I think it wouldn't be that remote a possibility to bump into him as it's his favourite cafe! And the station that we are to meet outside for the walk is his local one, last time I was there was with him when the relationship seemed to be going so well. I think I would feel too sad to return there for now.

I really don't understand what went wrong because he seemed keener than me at the start and it really seemed so effortless and lovely. It was only 2 weeks ago today that I had an inkling anything was wrong. He had been saying that he would warn his (adult) DD that I would be staying Sunday night and we would go out for a film and dinner and back to his. Then he said it wouldn't be possible to stay over on Sunday because his DD was uneasy about it.

However my DC were both unexpectedly away and his 17 year old DS wasn't due to arrive until Saturday morning so I suggested he come round to mine for the Friday night but he said it was too far. It's a 45 minute drive FFS which is nothing in London if he had wanted to see me. Anyhow we went out on the Sunday evening as planned and discussed things and I thought we both wanted to make things work but later he texted me to say that he wanted to finish it. I just have to remember rules 3 and 6 I guess and try and forget him. I did feel we were really compatible though so would like it if we could become friends somehow but I think I need to be in a relationship before I can do that.

Pav I sent Mr Teacher a message saying that he probably passes through where I live and/or work (given I both live and work fairly central London and he lives further north but commutes south of the river) and I could pop out from home/work on my bike for a quick coffee (I have a lot of autonomy at work). But he read this and hasn't been online since. I'm thinking he may be dating someone else and waiting to see whether it works out. Or else very busy due to it being the exam season!

Lana hope it works out with your Mr Bike! One good thing is that there is no lack of cyclists on OLD - cycling being one of the main interests I'm looking for in a man! I know what you mean about the weirdness of dropping into someone's life and then being completely excluded if it ends because of only knowing each other through OLD. That's what I feel about Mr Outdoors, I know all about his family and childhood and aspirations, so it will be strange to never know how anything works out.

Hello again all,
Just popping in to say I am really envious impressed with all the messaging/dating happening.
I cancelled POF as think I am not savvy enough to navigate it.
I stayed on GSM, though, because I have paid up until June.
I have hidden my profile as I was checking too often and no one every messaged or even liked me, but log on to see new arrivals.I have messaged about three men in the last month.
All of them have clicked on my profile and not bothered replying. So I hide my profile again
Now - one man was out of my league (from the photo) but I don't think the others were but I am probably deluded :(
WTF is wrong with me? There must be something wrong.
I am 57, so suppose I am destined to end my days with my cats :(
Info kindly looked at my profile, and I would accept any offers of advice.

Thanks Just and good luck with MrTeacher It could be good that he's busy as a hard worker. Better that than someone texting every half an hour to check what you're doing met someone like that and it was so annoying .

Education have you tried searching as a man looking for a woman to see what the competition in your area are doing? I did, but then decided not to copy snapchat bunny ears and I'm a princess words . Ultimately if you're happy with what you've written and photos then hiding and making visible your profile may be best option i.e. stick with it!

education what age range are you looking at on GSM? I do find that the men that are messaging me tend to be about 5 years older and the man around my age (51) are looking for women 40-50.

However I actually don't mind mid-50's men as they are post mid-life crisis. What age range are the men you are messaging seeking? I also for some reason seem to be very popular among younger non-Caucasian men - we are talking 35-45 - but I am not interested in someone so much younger!

I have put 54 to 64, I think.
(I am not 57 yet, so come up as 56 - again - I think)
I don't message anyone who does not include my age range.
Think 60-yr-old with a cut off of 50 are wankers.
Also avoid anyone who says 'young looking' or says maybe to children for the same reason
I don't get any interest from anyone of any age.
Are you a looker I'm not - but not ugly, I don't think.
Never had any trouble when I was younger - but it has been 30 years ...

education do you have DC? I have restricted my criteria to men with DC as I think those without may find it hard to understand my lack of spontaneity wrt dates. Men without DC are maybe looking for similar in women.

I used to look really young for my age but because I'm Antipodean my skin is quite wrinkly for my age so not sure how old I look now. I am really short so don't want men that are too tall. Are you restricting on height? I know a lot of women want men over 6 foot but for me I would prefer around 5 ft 10

Hi Just thanks for replying.
My children are long grown.
I, too, am short, but haven't restricted my search by height or anything else really. Like and message possibles. No one has liked or messaged me first.

Oh the hilarity of my dating life continues 😂

Got a message on POF from someone in the same city as someone I was seeing, who is now engaged with a baby due in a few months.
I know it's obviously possible for other boys from that city to be interested in me but...
He 'speaks' in the same way as the the person I was seeing does, the same phrases and use of emojis. Just feels like it's him.
He has form for doing it, had it like 2 months ago and he outed himself in a few days.
At least I have some entertainment for a few days ahaha

Hi education it is a bit depressing isn't it. I joined in February and liked several men, received messages from 2, started dating one (Mr Outdoors) and I couldn't believe I'd found someone so quickly. But it all went pear-shaped - I'm not really sure why - and he finished it two weeks ago. He is 57 but has a mid 20's DD living with him which he used as a reason why I couldn't ever stay over. Which I think is a bit ridiculous because apparently she had her BF staying over frequently.

Since I've come back to GSM I've chatted to 3 men who want to meet up, met up with one who was super keen but I didn't really fancy him. Can't put my finger on why, he was a nice guy. He turned out to be a bit desperate after the date but was fine during so that wasn't the reason. The other 2 are rubbish at replying to my messages and hardly ever seem to be online. I like GSM more than POF and find it easier to use but there aren't so many men on there. I too may end up living alone with my cats when my DC leave home!

I'm thinking I will too and I'm 33 wails

Someone on POF has pics of him in various famous places around the world but can't spell ciao am I being too picky to expect some consideration of what you say in your profile?? I have got a date on Thursday but we've just had 2 chats on the phone, no messages, which I am not used to. Also not been up for talking much this week!

countryside8 I was told that by a guy I was dancing with the other week... not long asked his name! So, not just OLD.

Well, I'm out tomorrow night and stuff it as far as men go! I'm out with a male friend anyway so tend to get left alone

We should compare notes Just are you in London?
Sorry things are slow with you.
Cats are good, though, Just and buckets

I've set up my profile now on GSM but I'm not going to pay up until I get some likes or messages from people that interest me. Two likes so far from people that don't interest me. 19 have viewed my profile, a couple of them are people I have encountered elsewhere.

Education and JustMe am same age bracket. I dated a guy 3 years ago in his fifties who told me about his experiences of dating at that age. Said he found it easy to find a woman in her fifties to date as so many men went for younger that it was then easier for him. His bad experiences were around photographs! I think there are more women than men to match up at that age group so its harder for women

But not impossible. I found reasonable numbers to date on OKC but it depends what areas you are. Its good to contact guys. A lot of them like to be contacted I think. It also depends where guys are in the dating cycle ie if they've met several people and you contact them then I think they are more likely to not reply as they have enough already to chat too. On OKC I found the best was to favourite a few guys and then if they favourite too then you know there is some interest. Then a few guys if I really liked their profile I would send a message and not bother favouriting. The message would be individual and would try to make it quirky or interesting or funny so I seemed interesting. I did fill in the questionnaires and I think this saved me time as guys with 30% or above enemy I would not bother with. I would just look at guys with 80 to 99% match and found it a good guide together with what they said on profile -
I dont bother with anyone who doesnt say much. OKC is free except for premium services so nothing to lose. Its all tough though and I find you just have to keep going . I didnt get many dates or levels of contact but usually well matched when they did. So didnt waste time I felt. And also was quite confident to meet quickly too and not do loads of messaging.

And according to OKC research non caucasian guys have a harder time dating: theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060 so I think explains higher level of contact interest

It is hard labour when I think about it

And have date 5 with Mr Social today. He is lovely. I just keep thinking how easy it is but have to keep in mind like you Just that it may just end like that. As some one wise said to me a while ago you choose whether to be in a relationship or not every single day. You have to accept that and go on regardless but sometimes its hard. More

OLD can be really hard. I agree with checking out the competition Education?

I have my second date tonight with Mr City, we are going for drinks. He has unusual living circumstances (recently separated and still living in the family home until they sell up) it wouldn't be unreasonable of me to ask him some questions relating to that would it?

Mumfun why would there be fewer men in their fifties dating?
Are they all living with cats?
Have they all died young?
Or - as I think - are they all looking for 30-yr-olds and in complete denial about their age: they think they really are 34 - it's only women who get older ...
About the photo thing - mine are the, very few photos, I just happen to have of me taken in the last year - ordinary - but, I think, look like me - maybe that is the problem - but those who are complaining that women do not look like their photos are probably going for photos where the women looks ... yes in their thirties.
However good one looks at 57, it is not 37.
So the men are deluded.

rubystiles - until recently I was in the same situation as Mr City and had no problem answering questions related to it. Because it is pretty unusual.

I have indeed tried to sound
quirky and interesting and fun
But, in trying to do so, I think I just sound demented
Why would one check out the competition Ruby
I would not have done this when I was younger as cannot be someone else.
So it would either depress me or do my head in.

It's not about trying to be someone else Education it's to see how your profile compares to others. I've done it purely to check I'm not way off the mark (or maybe borrow an idea or two from good profiles!)
You did ask for ideas, it's your choice whether you use them or not

Wasn't being bolshey Ruby - or wasn't wanting to be. is this where I am going wrong with dating, she wonders ...
Just not at all what I would have done in my ancient RL dating days.
I would find it very difficult to think of women as 'competition'.
I suppose I compare my profile to the profiles of men on the site.

Morning all!

Need to read back and catch up; things move so fast here

I've now got 3 irons: AR, SexuallySuggestiveUsername (messaging but is all bit short message ping-pong, you know, statement/question repeat, yawn) and another I'll call TypoMan. Says he's a company director but can't be arsed to spell check or punctuate, which doesn't bode well. Redeemed by conversations about music.

Should probably do a bit more swiping today......

Have fun to those on dates this weekend

No problem at all Education! It's so difficult to gauge a tone via text!
Do keep trying, I've found new people join OLD when I'm just about to take a break so you never know!
Sorry, I didn't note your location, are you in a busy area? Have you any single friends to compare your experiences with at all? I have a few friends who are either currently OLD or have done in the past. In fact, a lot of my friends have met their current partners via OLD which gives me hope! i do wish you luck with it, it's bloody difficult!

ruby I would ask questions! My ex couldn't wait to move out so we could "move on"; I would find it very hard to date if he still lived here.

I have 2 cats who like to sit in the back garden in the rain they get sopping wet then dry off on my bed. If I didn't smoke, I wouldn't notice they were in the back garden.

Although you might wonder who had been leaving muddy pawprints all over your bed, All