Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Good luck, Ruby

Thanks DoI

Same for me LM33, only messages I get are from the female equivalent of what you are getting.

LM - I always get more messages when 1) I am online more and 2) I change a small thing in my profile. Last night I reordered my photos and I had 5 new messages (and 3 from repeats).

Also, look who has "fav'd" you, and fav them back or drop them a line if you like the look of them. Two of my new messages happened that way. One is useless but one is interesting.

I think the more "active" you are on the site, the more you get bumped up through the algorithm and likely to appear in that top section above someone's messages.

I have tried all the other sites and there's just no one local to me (the joys of living in the middle of nowhere), I have tried meeting up with people that live further away but it just doesn't work . I a, on Tnder but again it's hard to find people near by, I have had loads of matches but hardly any messages.

I log on to POF every day and trawl through the 'meet me' section but seems everyone on there lives 50 miles away and are looking for dating with no commitment. Hardly anyone takes my fancy, full of people holding bear cans and glasses, men sticking their middle finger up and people with a cigarette in their mouth (classy). Where are all the normal people?

I think holding a glass of beer is a fairly normal thing to do, so I wouldn't personally exclude someone for that.

Cigarettes - no, but I specify non smoking, so I don't see that at all, maybe the odd one now and then (sometimes men seem to think it's hilarious to be photographed with a huge cigar - if you're a non smoker, it's not. Grow up.)

Sticking up middle finger is a no-no to me too. Again, immature.

I see plenty of normal people but just don't feel any attraction to them really.

I don't bother with the 'meet' thing, not sure that there is any point beyond using it at first to set up the algorithms. I get about 20+ 'would like to meets' for me each day, but they're not use. I use 'fav' and 'mutual match' plus search.

Lovemusic sympathies. I'm tired of it all right now but I don't like giving up. I have updated my profile on OKC but a sudden surge of interest hasn't happened yet! I'm child free this weekend and therefore feel that I should have a date organised, however there's not much doing and I'm exhausted and I think I will probably stay home and have a really quiet one.

Lovemusic I'm the same. I live in the middle of nowhere too and unless I'm prepared to travel 50 miles (which I'm doing next week) to meet someone half way (he lives 100 miles away) then it's a non starter really. So depressing. I'd rather do that though than meet the locals who can barely string a sentence together and look old beyond their years.

Good luck with your date Ruby come back and give us all the juicy details

I don't like the holding a drink aloft thing either. As a 98% non drinker, I just find it tedious. Look at me holding up a drink to show how much fun I am.

The other one for me is women sticking their tongue out. It's not cute or funny, it's just awful.

I still have someone who fav'd me but nothing else, she looks interesting. I didn't hit her back though because we talked ages ago and she bailed on me back then. I either bored her or someone better came along so it doesn't enthuse me to chase her this time.

Morning all! I've got a few more irons to message via Bumble and SexuallySuggestiveUsername on OKC has decided to message me again after nearly a week. I think the conversation there is going to flow like concrete, however.....

LoveMusic I live near a city, not sure it confers any great advantage, though; I just get more chaff to plough through . I'm meeting AR half way as he's a good hour away.

That's an interesting one.

All other things being equal, I'd be more interested in a profile with them holding up a drink in their one photo, compared to a duckface selfie in their loo.

And I'd prefer an unadorned duckface selfie to an Instagrammed golden butterfly duckface selfie.

Although I'd prefer none of the above.

info I rarely drink either, I probably drink in a pub 3 times a year at the most, I'm usually driving so I don't get the chance to get drunk often. I just think when I see someone profile picture of them holding a pint 'they probably enjoy going out to drink, they might be one of those that spends a lot of evenings down the pub and that's not my thing' I'm much more attracted to a photo of someone toasting marshmallows on a fire . I'm not a smoker and I hate photos of people smoking, just looks so 'chav'.

I have had one message today from a guy who lives on a canal boat, he looked interesting until I took a closer look at his profile and it says he does drugs and smokes.

Yeah, like people usually want to give something of their life away in their pictures as a guide of who they are. A set of pictures all on nights out and a main one holding a drink states instantly to me, this person isn't for you.

I'm looking for the ultimate this time around, would rather be on my own permanently than go with someone who lives a different life to me :)

Same info I think it's good to be particular when your looking for 'the one'.

I've been lurking on this thread for months (maybe years!), it's thoroughly entertaining and has helped me through all my many dating woes, when literally no one in real life understands or believes me about how hideously bleak (yet comical) it can be.

None of you know me but reading other people's tales helped me through various heartbreaks, fleeting pangs of hope and the many, many bewildering "WTF?!" moments .

I've had fairly rotten luck with relationships but a few months ago took a decision to be far less compromising. The rules of this thread, especially 5.6 and 7, have been instrumental. I stopped believing that people being shitheads was somehow my fault and it's been a lot happier.

A while ago I met a really lovely guy on POF, which surprised me as it always seemed the most full of weirdos. Perhaps it is the most full of weirdos, but there are some diamonds in the rough. It's still early days but I am hopeful, and even if it doesn't last forever it's thoroughly pleasant to have a good dating experience for once.

In short, just wanted to drop in and say hi, thanks for sharing your stories and helping me hold out for the respect we all deserve. If things go tits up with this dude, I might join in a bit more instead of lurking!

Hi Madame. Things are sounding promising sing there. I understand your frustrations - I was about to pack the whole thing in for a while (yet again) back towards the end of February: Tinder and POF were proving to be a complete waste of time.

Hopefully you'll be back here to tell us all that things are going swimmingly with 'lovely guy'.

Well I am back from my coffee date and ... it went very well!
Really nice guy, funny, interesting and attraction which for me as you may know is important.

We have arranged a second date on Saturday. He's very new to OLD and already had a story about someone he had been talking too - it happens to us all it appears!

There were a few things that I think some people may be put off by but actually I can live with, for now anyway ....

Pleasant afternoon!

Sounds promising ruby!

Hi Madame not sure how much more I can take! Although not in a great frame of mind for OLD at the moment.

That's great Ruby fingers crossed!

LM I'm a smoker and a main profile picture (or any pictures really) of someone holding a cigarette would put me off. Same with drinks and any Snapchat filters shudders

I've been changing my age settings on Tinder and Bumble = suddenly goes from no one around you to profiles.

Welcome Madame

Well done Ruby and good luck!

Ruby that sounds excellent.

Ah thank you everyone. I will of course keep you all updated!

Bant - tempted to change my username to Duckface Selfie. Seems so appropriate for this thread...

Hah!
Ghosted after talking/meeting for 3 months.
Was expecting it, if I'm honest.
He didn't make any effort, and told me it's what he does when he's bored.

Brill.
Onto the next then 😂😂