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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

997 replies

InfoSec21 · 01/05/2017 00:26

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Corydora · 06/05/2017 19:45

I bit the bullet and asked the nice Christian man what his views were on gay marriage and sex outside of wedlock.

He blocked me! I guess that answers that question...

AbiWanKenobi · 06/05/2017 20:00

Cover
'The Pie at Night' and 'In search of the High Teas' are equally fab if you're a fan of his writing. Can highly recommend. Only ever seen as 'not a Northerner' when I've dated guys from Leeds way; I sort of get where they're coming from..but I'm absolutely a Northerner. With the flat 'a's to prove it :)

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 06/05/2017 20:56

Corydora - 😂😂

Bant · 06/05/2017 21:08

cory - ha.

I know some lovely Christians. And some lovely Muslims. I even met a really interesting zoroastrianist once.

But I've found anyone who is overly forthcoming with their religious beliefs tends to be a bit bigoted.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 06/05/2017 21:52

I've just written a chapter of my book entitled travel lodge in Crewe...
Yes I'd agree with that bant.
At my friend's tonight. Seeing wildcard tomorrow and hopefully with have fun!Grin

Bant · 06/05/2017 22:01

I can't be arsed to go back onto OLD for the moment.

I've got 17 tinder matches to think about, at some point. These things rack up when you're distracted.

I may just send them all the same first message and see how they go.

I'm wondering if I should mention yoni now..

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 06/05/2017 22:03

Depends on what you're looking for, Bant 😂

CoverMeLadsImGoingIn · 06/05/2017 22:08

No Bant don't yoni the lonely Wink

I'm still chatting to AR. Had another request about Kik (nope) a snarky message about height and a message from a mutual like on OKC, whose username is sort of overlooked (it's semi-sexual innuendo) and now I wish I'd not liked.

It's all distracting me from Netflix, how very dare it.

Bulletin ends.

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 06/05/2017 22:11

Yoni the lonely 😂😂😂

w1968 · 06/05/2017 22:13

Bant, I do think there must be better ways to meet potential partners. OLD doesn't seem to work for me, and I d rather not be serial dating for the rest of my life.I know people say it's a numbers game, but I find that quite depressing

Bant · 06/05/2017 22:34

But life is a numbers game, W.

All of us go through our teens and twenties (and 30s) assuming we'll meet someone great at some time. We meet, date, go out with, fall in love with people. Most of us here have had children, and most of those have assumed that the person we had kids with was 'the one' that we'd grow old with. Obviously that hasn't happened, otherwise we wouldn't be here.

And having got used to being with someone, our perspective is that that is the right and usual state of things. When it's not. You only meet that person once, and we forget all those crushes and unrequited loves and shitty dates we went on ten, twenty, thirty years ago, and the fact that in most cases we spent a lot of our time in an unsatisfying relationship or no relationship at all.

So it's difficult to find the next relationship. Especially given that we have kids, and jobs, and less free time, plus the market of available people is far smaller than it was back then, before people of similar ages and life situations had settled down.

So OLD is shit. But it's better than hanging out at a nightclub every Friday night trying to pull, or asking friends when they're having a dinner party where they might invite their hot single friend. Because that's either embarrassing or vanishingly unlikely.

People can choose to be single, or choose to hope.

OLD is hope. Mostly vain hope, but hope nonetheless.

I don't want to serial date. I want to find someone fantastic. I haven't yet, but I'll keep plugging away.

When I can be arsed.

OutToGetYou · 06/05/2017 23:18

Start Maconie also wrote the James biography..... (that I don't recall the name of right now but wish I had a copy of!)

motheroreily · 06/05/2017 23:36

My date tonight didn't really look like his photos. Which was a shame.

Looking back I realise they were all taken at the same angle. A flattering angle! He was nice person though so would see him again

TheGhostsOfPresidentsYetToCome · 06/05/2017 23:46

Hi all, I've recently got back in the game after 1.5 years out. I previously started online dating after my 10y relationship came to an end and my XP found out, went crazy and I had a bit of a meltdown.

I had a long while off and now feel much stronger and ready to start again.

I have one very very new iron- the drayman.

Forme2016 · 07/05/2017 01:03

Bant - you're ace

InfoSec21 · 07/05/2017 01:10

Totally agree Bant. It's kinda this or nothing.

I have a young nice female friend who I spent the day with today and she said she can't believe I'm still single. I said well I only really go to work and then home so I don't meet anyone. I said I used OLD but could barely find anyone to message let alone meet.

I'm happy single really. I just play with my cars and get my tattoos and crack on. Be nice to have some hugs though. I like hugs.

OP posts:
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 07/05/2017 01:25

You have to be resilient for online dating. And not expect too much straight away. It does take time but it's worth it. I think it's easiest to have a full and productive life and to have it in the background.
For me it's been a creative experience as well. I've written and written and written. And it's taught me a lot about myself. I like wildcard but I don't have expectations at the moment of anything. It's just life and it ebbs and flows and there it is.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 07/05/2017 01:28

Also, being single isn't a state we should be running from. Cuddles are nice and sex is nice and a bond with someone is nice. But freedom and choices can be nice too and so it's good just to take it slowly, no expectations and view it as a process. A slow, often frustrating process, but something that's just part of the background of your life and not it's entirety.

RiseandGrind · 07/05/2017 07:33

Yoni the lonely brilliant! Grin

I agree with Far I love sex and kissing and cuddles etc. but I'd much rather be single than settle. I enjoy my life at the moment so any man who comes into my life has to add something too it and not drain me.

Nipplesunited · 07/05/2017 09:36

I sometimes have better experiences with OLD when i stop looking for dates and just look for friends. (I make sure they know this).
It takes away that nervousness when meeting someone as im not worried whether they like me or not since ive gone into it with no expectations other than meeting someone new.
Ive also found im more open to meeting someone like that as well.

I have made 2 good friends from doing it that way. Strictly friends, nothing more. One day i might meet someone who is relationship material and it might develop naturally.

RunsforCake14 · 07/05/2017 10:57

I had another lovely date with Mr Gym last night. Meal and cinema.
We saw Their Finest which I would really recommend - just the right amount of funny and sad and a good story.
He's met DD. A quick hello when he picked me up then a slightly longer chat this morning about her homework.
It all seemed ok but now I'm panicking slightly that now he's seen the reality of my life as a single mum, it might put him off.

Nipplesunited · 07/05/2017 11:02

Runs, if it was to put him off (which i doubt it would), then you are best shot of him anyway.

Im glad you had a nice date :) dont panic though i am sure another date will be arranged in no time.

RiseandGrind · 07/05/2017 12:11

'to' not 'too' obviously.

Runs if your life puts him off then he's not the one for you. Simple as that.

Ive just joined POD and Im getting lits of messages from younger men (20s and 30s). Would you all just ignore or respond and tell them why?

RiseandGrind · 07/05/2017 12:12

POF obviously.

Nipplesunited · 07/05/2017 12:22

If you arent interested i would just ignore. The amount of messages you will get you could spend all day politely turning them down.
If someone asks me to let them know either way, then i will tell them im not interested. Otherwise i just ignore

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