Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Biddylee I can do a meet up in London, not sure what the last train back would be.

Cover have lots of fun!

The thread has gone so quickly it's hard for me to keep track!

Lovemusic33 I'm going with the whole if they aren't messaging much then they don't have much interest but that might just be me!

I have been super liked on Tinder by someone who works at the same place as me and is good friends with a guy on my team who used to be on his! I think I'm going to ask him on FB messenger about it as it might have been a mistake.

Haven't heard from Mr Boxer since he cancelled last night. I don't understand why he doesn't just say "nice to meet you but let's not do it again". He suggested the date for last night.

I have a childfree weekend so was hoping to have a date for tomorrow night as I'm out on Saturday but oh well!

I've been swiping tonight on Bumble but only had 1 match so far.

Bant that sounds hideous!

Bant you have let go of MissCivil to find MissFuckyes hope humour helps, I know it's crap when it ends

Apple I decided in Aug to go for the 'slog away' approach. I want a partner lover and friend and holding out for that. I like my current iron, Mr Bike, and wouldn't have met him if I'd not gone back on OLD straight after other 2 month dating ended. I have had some stress along the way (thanks missmove for your words on seeing control issues in a relationship too). On the whole it's exciting. I think I'm a quiet extrovert, not confident in a group but happy to chat away on a 1:1 basis if that exists, if not I've created a new term .

Just I'm short and have found it's not an issue for men. I wouldn't rule out men based on that unless you wouldn't feel comfortable. Kissing is is usually done sat down anyway?

Cover your idea of ratio of nutters to sane people makes me wonder what it is in reality. I would say I chatted or checked profiles of around 100 maybe more men on 3 sites. From that 5 had potential. One then turned out to be bitter over separation. One could only message in jokes. Another was constantly busy disappearing . Last 2 I met and I liked Mr Bike more. So 100:2 ratio. Anyone else have a ratio?

user

Sorry, but rather than post passive aggressive stuff, could you possibly qualify for a username, come back and tell your story and then start having a go at me, rather than just sniping from the sidelines?

It's only polite.

Biddy Out to Lettuce I'm in London too and would be interested in a meetup. Can you PM me about arrangements please

Oh chaps . Let's have a group hug.

Bant you sound fab, have a break if you need and then get back in the saddle, law of probability states you're one step closer to an amazing woman (who isn't capable of being half arsed and keeping her options open).

Info I know you so I fucking INSIST you keep at it (again after a break if you need) because you are a bloody gem. In fact, you're a ledge and I can't say much more without outing either one of us but YOU WILL FIND HER.

(Also, I seem to have got myself a date)

MissCivil and I will still be mates and trade jokes, but we talked about the fact we're not suited for each other physically.

It's shit when you meet someone funny and clever, and there's chemistry, even, but the actual biology doesn't work. When you fancy someone but your teeth keep clashing when you try and kiss. And it's funny the first time but after a few bruises it's just annoying

That is pretty tragic. I know everyone hates Sex and The City I bloody love it but when Carrie was banging on about the zsa zsa zu ( God autocorrect did NOT like that) she was spot on IMO. The physical stuff has to be right, in fact it has to be great.

Bant I'm not being passive aggressive and I'm posting about my general observations on OLD But of course everyone has varying opinions that's why it's a discussion forum.
I just feel the sweetshop mentality has taken over OLD to much and seems very hard to meet anyone genuine on there.

I think you might be projecting a little user. Honestly I've ended it with some men and not others, because it wasn't right! I ended it with someone because I didn't like when he said 'minty fresh breath ' and his clammy hands. It wasn't the sweet shop, it was that I'd genuinely rather be alone than with someone not quite right.

Hello all. I've been lurking for aaaaaagggesss (not just on this thread, MN in general!) and have finally changed my username and plucked up the courage to start posting again.

Last time I was a regular poster I had a newborn, a toddler and a shit DH - now my kids are both at school and I'm in the final stages of divorce.

Have tried a couple of sites already, few dates (good fun but no spark) met one lovely man... very fun few weeks then it all went tits up for a variety of reasons.

Now trying to be more thick skinned and not take it too seriously.

Couple of questions for you wise OLD'ers - how "picky" are you looks wise, when looking at photos? How easy do you find it to gauge whether you actually fancy someone from photos only? Because I find this surprisingly tricky!

I've had a few messages from blokes who are quite obviously into gym/weights (have completely discounted all the weird topless photo blokes, these ones do know how to get dressed) but this is not really my "type" at all. I am NOT a gym person. But feels a bit daft thinking "nope, you seem lovely but too muscly" just like "lovely but 2 inches shorter than optimum height" when it's only photos and they might lol really different in real life.

Also - what if they tick many boxes but then there is something on which you potentially differ? E.g. I'm atheist, they mention religion. Would you raise potential sources of conflict straight away via messaging (e.g. I'm pro choice, gay family member, feminist - any of that a problem?) or wait until you meet in person? I don't want to ASSUME things about people (I have religious friends who are perfectly accepting and supportive of all of the above!) but at the same time don't want to waste time.

I guess what I'm trying to establish is whether I should have a cast iron set of specifics or try to be a bit more flexible / openminded until contact is established.

So what would you suggest I do, user, after seeing someone exclusively for a month, finding out they're still going on online dating sites and weeks after I told them I'm not, and that they're not very good in bed and a bad kisser.

Is this me being sweet-shoppy? Or is it them?

And you're not posting about your general observations, you told me personally that I was being too quick to dismiss someone. At what point should I dismiss someone in this situation? Once they've stopped hunting for someone else? Once we've met each other's children? Once we're married?

Corydora - well done on moving on from shit DH. I think re OLD you have to find your own level - and your priorities change, so be open-minded. One minute it's all "no-one under 6 ft" the next it's "well, as long as they can string a sentence together....".

Bant - :(

Here's a joke to cheer you up:

A vicar is in bed one night when he hears someone break in. He gets out of bed and calls down "what are you doing down there?!", the reply comes "looking for money", the vicar shouts back "oh, let me get dressed and I'll come and help you".

Well it was in our parish magazine and it made ms smile!

I am trying to think how is best to arrange a meet up of like-minded weary daters? This thread is too busy to catch everyone.

So far we have London - me, Betty, Bant, poss Cover, Lana, then Runny is near me too.

I will investigate group messaging on here, not sure it's possible?

I don't think it is (group messaging), but I'd recommend organising it on some kind of private messaging rather than on an open thread where anyone can see the details of the time and place. Otherwise the daily fail will turn up..

Corydora I'm not that experienced, so someone will be along with better advice, but I just trust my gut. I know I'm picky, but I'd rather be on my own (which doesn't phase me in the slightest, I have a great life) than making do. So I'm pretty quick to dismiss people, I'm afraid. And at 48 and overweight that means pickings are (ironically) slim

It seems to have gone. I missed Runnnymummy due to the extra n - I misspelled it and it rejected her. Assuming it works I can add her in. (I hope)

Sent to: Allthembuckets, Bant, Biddylee, covermeladsimgoingin, justmeand2DC

Did I miss anyone else?

Bant - not sweet shoppy, but trusting your well honed instincts that something wasn't 'right' - not on the same page re attitudes to exclusivity, not physically compatible, no overwhelming sense of wey hey, this is IT. It is tempting to settle for someone who makes you laugh/think, but that is not enough. You know it, and so does she. OLD is a minefield, but it is only worth picking your way through the minefield to hold out for something amazing. You've acted with integrity. Don't give up.

Bant I'd end a relationship if the other person was looking around after around date 3. I think you showed a lot of patience.

Cory hello!
You're right photos aren't always helpful, but better as a guide. I think an ideals list then a desirable if possible qualities list is good in principle. If you meet someone and you like them it's surprising how quickly the list can be forgotten though!

Oh, I agree Bant - not organising the whole thing here. The group message seems to have gone?

Once we feel comfortable we can set up a WA Group. That will be nice - I think I am the only person in the world who is not in any WA groups! I saw a Daily Mash article today joking that every WA group has one person that wants to leave, and I thought 'hmph, I'm not even in one!'. I am in a couple of FB messaging groups though so I suppose that counts.

Corydora I would go with more flexibility. Photos don't always do justice, that's why I have a variety and with/without makeup, although I only wear foundation and mascara. Also, regarding opinions etc it depends, I wouldn't mind an atheist/religious person as long as they didn't force it down my throat but I don't think I could even have a date with a UKIP voter!

OutToGetYou I'm not in a WA group

Out where would it turn up? Mind you,I'm on my phone at the mo, would that make a difference? Not had any notifications I can see.....

There is an 'inbox' in 'my Mumsnet', not sure what it looks like on the app as I don't use the app.

On the PC it is top right, with a blue circle with a line drawing of a person on it, when there is a message I think it gets a red dot on it.

Cover - I maaay have mistyped your name too - long day.....though yours didn't bounce so maybe not.

Bant has replied but it doesn't look as if replies go to all. So that's hopeless.

Ah, gotcha - a bell, not a red dot!

Yep I've replied but think only to you Out