Wife wants to use a nursery, but I want to use family...?

[MrRussellK]

Hello,

My wife and I have a 1 year old daughter. She has just gone back to work (working 3 times a week 9-6) and our daughter goes to nursery for those 3 days. My MIL and mum are both begging to have her! Nursery is £70 odd a day. It seems so silly when there are family there begging to look after her. My wife says she likes that because if our daughter is ever ill/she is ill or she needs to go somewhere, they will be more than welcome to have her then, but if they had her for the other days when she's working, they won't be willing to do that, but I disagree as my mum still would and my mum has been calling me almost every day asking when she can have her and I have tried suggesting how about she goes to nursery for 2 days and my mum has her for a day and then she says no because then she wants her mum to have her, so I said how about nursery for 1 day and then my mum has her one day and then MIL has her for the other and she's against that?

Surely it's not logical?

My DC love their nursery and ask to go there on days they aren't going thanks DC. All the workers are nvq or degree level trained.

insancerre well said, I have worked in a few nurseries and they have all been like you've described and it was very rarely I came across and uncaring member of staff, as a key worker you do feel affection and care for the child, we were always sad when a child left the nursery for any reason, and also missed the ones that eventually moved up to the next room.

Not obtuse at all.

I clearly have amazing parents and I will be forever grateful for their commitment to my DD.

I hope I can do the same for my DD if she wants me to.

As another PP said, this is very common in many societies.

Oh well if the nursery carer has an NVQ then that clinches the deal

It all depends on how you and you wife get on with both mothers. I was lucky; my Mum looked after my children when I went back to work, but I knew she would make the same decisions I would, albeit with a bit of Grandma indulgence on occasion (not OTT though). However, my MIL lived 10 miles away and I did not choose for her to look after them as her approach was very different and not what I wanted. When my children reached two and a half they went to pre-school a couple of mornings per week and then worked up to two and a half days a week, with my Mum caring for them when they weren't there and I was at work.

I work in a nursery myself and I realise that not all children are suited to that environment from a very young age. Some children thrive within it, but others need a close family member to provide that nurture when a parent isn't there. You have to make a decision based on your own circumstances, whether your child suits nursery care and whether your mothers have the same approach to care as you.

It doesn't have to be one or the other; a mixed approach might also work for your child.

Absolutely depends on the nursery and your child and what kind of nursery environment you like.
I found a lovely nursery with only six children run in the home of ex teacher and it was wonderful playful and loving for dd nearly school age.
I am an infant teacher and TBH no I wouldn't leave a one year old in a large nursery. My sister looked after mine and its so much more relaxing and loving for a baby.
They go to school from the age of 4 poor things.
If at all possible family over nursery any day.

From a developmental point of view family over nursery and I think findings from various studies have proven this.

The behaviour of some grandparents in this thread sounds awful!

DD is being looked after by DM who's been temporarily living with us since DD turned 6 months old. Both DP and I have returned to work but we mainly work flexibly from home, which is easy with our jobs. I was worried about DP coping with his MIL being constantly around but he (says he) doesn't mind. DM also cooks for us and helps with cleaning. We do have a lot of arguments but she would not do anything me and DP would not approve of, like give sugary snacks etc. She adores DD so I don't feel guilty at all, it's a win-win situation. At this age, I'd rather have a dedicated carer that loves my baby and is someone I can totally rely on as in a nursery in the best case scenario there would be a 1:2 or 1:3 carer:babies ratio. I know this is not possible for most young parents so I feel extremely grateful we have this option in the first place. I can also see why a setup like this would be horrible if you didn't get on with the grandparent involved.

Having said that, I'd like DD to go to a nursery when she's older for socialisation. I didn't go myself and I think it has contributed to my shyness when I was older...

I think my kids would have been bored out of their brains with my DPs. As lovely as they are, they love going out for long drives and on trips to the garden centre, rather than playing Batman versus the Princesses, and running around in playground and garden.