4 weeks no sex a dealbraker?

[UmizoomiBananaRamama]

I was going to post in 'Sex' but thought I'd get a bit more support over here in 'Relationships'.

Since the birth of my DS 2 years ago, I've suffered with depression and anxiety. I've been on anti depressants for about 8 months and they're really really helping me. Only problem is my sex drive is pretty much non-existent.
I'm just not in the mood. I feel like I could happily go the next couple of years without it.
But my DH on the other hand... we used to dtd about 4 times a week, and now it's maybe once every month.
Anyway last night he asked me for sex (like he does 3 times a day) and I said sorry I'm not in the mood, how about tomorrow night? (I'm just going to have to grin and bear it)
And he started saying that 4 weeks is such and long time and that he can't keep going like this.

I said that we have other marital issues that are more important for us to sort out first, mainly his lack of respect for me or our home, and that that's probably a contributing factor as to why I'm not in the mood.

But he said the lack of sex is the only issue that matters.

I'm at a bit of a crossroads. Sorry for the long posy I just don't know what to do.

"Within his rights to expect sex"
"Is allowed be unhappy when he's not receiving it"
Jesus pretty Sex in your house must be a laugh a minute
two people have sex together..Not one person having sex on or in someone.

I would be disgusted with myself if I thought my dp who is suffering with depression felt they had to perform or make themselves have sex with me...While I'm sitting on my arse scratching my balls every evening

Hi op

Yes your husband should lay off pressuring you for sex, that I agree with and I understand.
Do I think he's the devil for suggesting it might help?...no, because for some sex does help. Which is why some of us have suggested it ourselves.
But it sounds like you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, you're obviously both dragging each other down. He's not responding to your requests and you're not responding to his.

I had a cervical cancer scare myself 2 years ago, it's quite common. in times like those, you have to keep living, maybe that's what your husband was trying to do?.

I'm not on your husbands side, I'm just offering a different perspective, because most other women on MN will only suggest 'leave him he's a dick' and I don't think that helps matter.

OP, I get that you need reassurance and for somebody to pat you on the back and say "poor you and he is a dick". I think you got plenty of that here. I also hope that you got something out of the thread to actually help you improve your situation.

I am on your side you too, otherwise I wouldn't be spending my time on your thread. I don't need help, you do. And if depression has taught me anything is not to take on any negativity. Feel free to ignore me too if that's what would make you feel better.

I am genuinely sorry that you are feeling unwell. Hope both you and your husband do manage to sort it out.

Pretty I don't know why you're being so condescending... I didn't come here for a pat on the back. I came here for support and advice on my situation.
Although you seem to giving criticism rather than advice.

I'm not on your husbands side, I'm just offering a different perspective

Yes you are.

Please ignore pretty.

Her advice is nothing but a hand maidens to serve men.

I would imagine had I posted whilst in your position (Which I have been) I would be feeling a hell of a lot worse from having read it.

What she seems to have missed in her diagnosis, is not that you have gone off sex per second, but that you have gone off sex with him. So no amount of letting him have all the sex he wants (grim) is going to fix the situation.

Well, it might fix it for him, as that his is only gripe it would seem. You however, will feel a lot worse. You will in fact resent him even more. And any issues that you have now, will still be there, along with the added resentment.

Instead of trying ever now and then to have sex with him, or trying to tell him your issues, tell him there will be no more sex at all. Tell him, you can't have sex with someone when they disrespect you by thinking you are their personal servant, and ignore the fact that you are struggling with life and all they care about his their own sexual needs. Tell him, until he starts being supportive, you will be unable to have any sex with him, as you don't find him attractive because of it and you have lost respect to for him over it.

Say, if he's really bothered about sex that much, it is up to him to move towards making it happen, because pestering you constantly is killing your love for him, nevermind your libido.

You don't have to be the solution to this. That's our female socialisation talking (pretty take a bow)
It is just as reasonable to expect him to find the solution. He's not some special God, I'm presuming. He doesn't need your bending over backwards to meet his needs, for you both to be happy.

That way of thinking is straight out of 50 ways to please your man. Trust me, if you have to do that, he isn't a man worth holding onto.

Stand firm.

OP: PrettyBelle is goading you to get a thrill out of telling you you're wrong.

Umi Pretty I don't know why you're being so condescending... I didn't come here for a pat on the back. I came here for support and advice on my situation.
Although you seem to giving criticism rather than advice.

I gave you plenty of actual practical advice on what could work and what did work in my situation. None of which you liked. You can use other posters' advice and LTB. Or if they suggested anything else - really, up to you.

Usual pretty if an op doesn't like your advice, it's good etiquette to bow out, so as not to distress the op even more.

She has your advice now and can either use it or not.

Usually*

sassandfaff, usually a good etiquette is not telling other people what to do, especially on an open forum.

I didn't tell you to do it.

I just pointed it out.

I've been here years, it's what most people who are sensitive to others do on my, what with relationships being a supportive thread. Once the op has made it clear, she doesn't find you supportive, it's just general courtesy.

If however, you are the type to ride roughshod over another person's feelings, despite knowing said feelings, then there is not much anyone can do. Hence why I didn't tell you to do it.

Mn *