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Original poster

I'm 42 with kids, boyfriend is 34, what if he wants kids??

137 replies

Frothyfreddie · 22/04/2017 10:41

Hi

I've just met the most amazing man online. We have chatted for 3 weeks before finally arranging a date on Thursday night. As he walked into the bar I was dumbstruck at his beauty, he is 6'4, dark hair, incredibly handsome and his accent nearly made me faint.

As we sat and chatted, I could tell he felt the same way, we couldn't keep our eyes off each other and as he leaned in for a fist kiss I almost melted, it was perfect.

We ended the night with talk of how much chemistry we have and how into each other we are.

He messaged the next day and said he would find it very easy to fall in love with me.

I would love nothing more. My only issue is that although our age gap is not huge i can't help but think that he will want kids and as I'm 42 and have 2 kids I feel like I'm done.

Is this a conversation I should be having early in in the relationship with him so as not to waste his time or do I just let us both fall in love with each and cross that bridge when it comes?

I really have fallen for him, I can tell he feels the same

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 22/04/2017 12:11

Good looking men are attracted to older women you know, funnily enough he's not an anomaly, he's in his 30's not a teenager ffs .

MagnumPieEye · 22/04/2017 12:12

Les - what if you've had sex on date 2 and just don't want to be sleeping with someone who might sleeping with someone else too?

OP - this guy is too full on and I think you both need to step back. Don't let him meet your kids!

LesisMiserable · 22/04/2017 12:15

Well since you asked. I had sex with my younger gorgeous man on date 1 actually. We're getting married in July after two and a half years together. I'm in my 40's he's in his 30's. Him and my dd get on like a house on fire. Luck of the draw really isnt it.

noego · 22/04/2017 12:15

Seriously??? I've had dates, sat up all night talking. Chemistry, DTD. Sex was great. Got on well. Loved each others company etc etc. They are all a distant memory now.

Underthemoonlight · 22/04/2017 12:16

As harsh as it sounds it comes across as he's after one thing. He doesn't even know you after one date. He is classic love bombing you in the hope of pulling you.

Somerville · 22/04/2017 12:18

Since he's said he wants to be exclusive then of course it's fine to ask him whether he wants children. My (now) DH and I discussed DC on second date for similar reasons (I had kids, he didn't, and I'm a bit older than him). We'd known each other for a while through work, though, so it didn't feel too soon - it came up naturally.

However, can't help thinking that between you being dumbstruck at his beauty and nearly fainting at his voice and almost melting from kissing him, you might find focussing on a sensible discussion a bit tricky. Grin

DayGlo · 22/04/2017 12:24

With all due respect, you don't know this man. Get to know him. Save the kids conversation until you do.

Original poster
Frothyfreddie · 22/04/2017 12:24

I've been reading all your posts with great interest and enjoyed the advice. No this is about a trolling thread, I'm very much genuine. And yes I do think he has an amazing personality, as well as being a beauty. We really get each other, have he sane silly sense of humour, can have a serious heart to heart and talk about anything really.

Not to boast but I'm quite good looking and I'm told I look 35 so I don't think it's just him looking to tick off he older woman in bed off his list.

And I would never let him meet my kids until I was sure about him. I'm talking at least 6 mths to a year.

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 22/04/2017 12:26

Who cares about what you look like? Confused

LesisMiserable · 22/04/2017 12:29

Yep same here I always get told I look at least ten years younger than I am. Doesnt change the fact DP was attracted to older women (but why wouldn't he want a well preserved one still Grin ) and I'm glad he was because we're really happy. Didnt happen over night though. Stop rushing.

AgentProvocateur · 22/04/2017 12:30

You're 42? Hmm You sound like you're 14.

MorrisZapp · 22/04/2017 12:35

Sarah, is that you?

JK1773 · 22/04/2017 12:41

Blimey, this sounds crazy! One date!!! I agree with others, there are red flags all over the place here. Why can't you just look forward to your next date and see what happens? He may be a dish but to me he sounds needy and a bit desperate. Be careful and don't get steamrollered

MrsMozart · 22/04/2017 12:50

When I met my OH we were exclusive from first date. Married and with a babe a year later. It doesn't answer your age question though, sorry.

Ellisandra · 22/04/2017 12:57

You can have a serious heart to heart and talk about anything, really.

Awww, that's nice!

Weird that you're posting on here then, isn't it?

Why can't you just ask him then?

(anyone else find the word 'beauty' for a man very weird?)

Ellisandra · 22/04/2017 13:01

I hope he's lovely and a keeper - those early connections can be so much fun!

Be just be careful, hey? He might not be ticking off the "shag an older woman" box. But he might be working the "love bomb a woman in her 40s with kids because they all fall for it and you get good sex, little hassle because they're busy with kids and they tend to be a bit grateful and desperate to keep you" box. This according to some of the 30yo OLDers I work with Hmm

OLD is risky - people don't come with references. Enjoy it - but keep your wits about you!

RawPotatoes · 22/04/2017 13:13

If having children is important to him, and he really does want a long term relationship, then he'll bring it up. If he's got any sense, he’ll realise that - at 42 - you may not want any more.

I wouldn't raise it, if I were you. If you don't mind me saying, it sounds a bit crazy after just one date...?!

Fauchelevent · 22/04/2017 13:16

You may have had the exclusivity chat but he is not your boyfriend after one date, how old are you, woman! You barely know the guy. I have honestly met Lady Gaga more times than you have met him. Take it easy.

As an aside, is he Italian?

Somerville · 22/04/2017 13:19

We really get each other, have he sane silly sense of humour, can have a serious heart to heart and talk about anything really.

You can't know all of that from meting him on one occasion, surely? Especially not with all the melting and fainting too.

Slow down a bit!

sucue · 22/04/2017 13:21

Underthemoonlight, it would seem that 12 hour dates are the way to go. Wink

expatinscotland · 22/04/2017 13:29

So next date he'll be a 'partner'? If he wants kids then he's not the right person for you. Simples.

LonginesPrime · 22/04/2017 13:45

what if you've had sex on date 2 and just don't want to be sleeping with someone who might sleeping with someone else too?

Erm, if that's something that concerns you, maybe don't have sex with relative strangers?

Underthemoonlight · 22/04/2017 13:47

*Sucue*it certainly seems that way hopefully op can look through a similar thread and get some clarity.

forumdonkey · 22/04/2017 13:48

OMG one date and you're thinking about kids Hmm He's a stranger FFS