Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

I'm 42 with kids, boyfriend is 34, what if he wants kids??

137 replies

Frothyfreddie · 22/04/2017 10:41

I've just met the most amazing man online. We have chatted for 3 weeks before finally arranging a date on Thursday night. As he walked into the bar I was dumbstruck at his beauty, he is 6'4, dark hair, incredibly handsome and his accent nearly made me faint.

As we sat and chatted, I could tell he felt the same way, we couldn't keep our eyes off each other and as he leaned in for a fist kiss I almost melted, it was perfect.

We ended the night with talk of how much chemistry we have and how into each other we are.

He messaged the next day and said he would find it very easy to fall in love with me.

I would love nothing more. My only issue is that although our age gap is not huge i can't help but think that he will want kids and as I'm 42 and have 2 kids I feel like I'm done.

Is this a conversation I should be having early in in the relationship with him so as not to waste his time or do I just let us both fall in love with each and cross that bridge when it comes?

I really have fallen for him, I can tell he feels the same

OP posts:

RacoonofDoom · 22/04/2017 14:07

Ellisandra · 22/04/2017 14:07

Fauchelevent I just belly laughed about Lady Gaga!

Squeegle · 22/04/2017 14:10

Que sera sera. Just wait and see. Calm down you're definitely overthinking

KingsCross88 · 22/04/2017 14:46

Well I think it's great you met someone you instantly connected with. Just keep something back until you know he's not going to fall at any of the classic OLD hurdles.

Huskylover1 · 22/04/2017 14:48

I can see why you are thinking about this. You are looking for a life partner, and at him being 34 with no kids, you are right to wonder whether this has any legs. Especially before you become emotionally invested.

I would be inclined to drop in to conversation (in a few weeks time), that you definitely don't want any more children. You may find that he doesn't want kids and that's why he has targeted women who are unlikely to want them. At 42, surely he must suspect you aren't going to have kids with him, given that you'd be at least 44 before trying (assuming you'd not ttc with someone very new).

Fwiw, I was 38, and my DH was 35 when we met. He didn't have any kids and I knew that I definitely didn't want any more, as mine were 11 and 9 at that point. The way I viewed it, was that if he had wanted children, he should have ticked that box already and it wasn't my job to "give" him children. He became a great step father to my kids and had the snip. We are very happy and will be celebrating 9 years together this year.

Good luck!

maisiejones · 22/04/2017 19:39

Christ, you're getting a bit ahead of yourself aren't you? Your description all sounds a bit Mills & Boon to me. Please don't get carried away and believe everything this Adonis says. Although I think you already have.

Fauchelevent · 23/04/2017 01:06

ellis and it's true! She's a great lass but she's not my boyfriend.

I was with DP for a year and a bit before he could confidently tell me when my birthday was so god knows what ops boyfriend knows after ONE DATE

debbs77 · 23/04/2017 01:12

To be fair, I have these conversations before I even meets someone! I have a large brood , 40 this year and don't want any more children. If a man does or isn't sure then I don't continue chatting with them xx

Original poster

Frothyfreddie · 23/04/2017 16:55

I am going to bring it up in a general conversation on Tuesday when I see him.

We haven't stopped messaging and calling each other since we met on Thurs, I've never felt like this before, such strong fast emotions.fauchelevent he confidently know my birthdate 😁. I think we will be having a lot of conversations that couples usually have down the line much much sooner.

I can't wait to hear those 3 words from him! I know he's dying to say them 😊

And yes I know I'm acting like a 14 year old but I don't care. I'm enjoying every minute

OP posts:

buttercuphunny · 23/04/2017 17:24

I have a 13 year gap with my oh and I think it was on the second date we both put are cards on the table of no more kids (he's got a daughter and I have 3 ),no marriage and no living together.we have the same humour and out look on life so it wasn't an awkward conversation.but I've cracked on one

JigglyTuff · 23/04/2017 17:30

I find it really disturbing that Ulysses are behaving like this when you have children, sorry. Three little words? You've only met once

JigglyTuff · 23/04/2017 17:30

And no, I don't know who the fuck Ulysses is either.

mumofthemonsters808 · 23/04/2017 17:38

Awh Frothy, please don't put all your eggs in one basket, it's nice that you've met someone who you like, but you really don't know him.Its good to receive text messages, but it's not exactly the real deal.You need to take things one step at a time. It's very easy to get swept off your feet, let your imagination run riot and let your emotions get out of control, but this makes you vulnerable and open to being exploited.I hope things work out for you and I'm just an old cynic.

PoorYorick · 23/04/2017 18:07

I can't wait to hear those 3 words from him! I know he's dying to say them

Yeah, I think this is where you lost the tone. Bit too much.

CuppaTeaTeddy · 23/04/2017 19:01

I've found this very funny to read 😂

Christinayangstwistedsista · 23/04/2017 19:07

Oh dear god......there's three little words for you

pullingmyhairout1 · 23/04/2017 19:23

Please do not get carried away. My ex is 34 and I am knocking on 40 this year. We met at a mutual interest club. I have two kids. It was too much too soon and I ended up getting fleeced.

My spider senses are all over this. Please please slow down before it goes wrong and under no circumstances lend him money.

Teabagtits · 23/04/2017 19:36

I can't wait to hear those 3 words from him! I know he's dying to say them

I want kids?

Teabagtits · 23/04/2017 19:38

I can't wait to hear those 3 words from him! I know he's dying to say them

What's you're pin?
Lend me cash?
No one understands me?

noego · 23/04/2017 19:48

gerring a bit bored with this thread. will someone go round to her house and give her a slap. FFS.

Ellisandra · 23/04/2017 19:50

Now you're just trolling
No 42yo is that daft

lifesjoys · 23/04/2017 20:00

Op, I spoke about kids when me & my ex decided to make a go of it, we had only known each other 2 weeks!

I didn't specifically say I wanted kids with him, I simply advised that he needed to know I wanted kids in the future so wasn't prepared to start a relationship with someone if they didn't want kids.

I fell pregnant 10 weeks later

Trills · 23/04/2017 20:06

lifesjoys

Are you recommending that course of action?

I notice that the person with whom you got pregnant is now your ex.

Umpteenthnamechange · 23/04/2017 20:10

Troll

MissBel12 · 23/04/2017 20:49

"I know I'm acting like a 14 year old but I don't care" I think that's unfair to 14 year olds .

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6