My fucking, fucking husband

[CheesyChristie]

He's been a monumental shit to me since ds2 was born (18 months ago). It all came to a head a couple of weeks ago and I told him I was leaving if he didn't change. We had a really good talk, I explained everything I was unhappy about - having fallen into being a sahm so he can focus on his career

• moving to other side of country, again so he can focus on job
• him leaving me in the house from 6am to 9/10pm due to combination of staying at work and running/ cycling to station rather than driving even when I had gastritis and was crying asking him to come home and help me
• refusing to believe ds1 has autism despite diagnosis, thinks I am just overreacting to his behaviour as I can't cope with him
• offering no support when I was diagnosed with pnd, not once in the last year asking how I feel about it, anything.
• refusing to acknowledge ds1 needs any additional support

-doing nothing with the kids, ever Loads of other stuff I can't even think of now, but generally just treating me as a skivvy and not his wife.

Anyway after a long talk he promised to change. Look into doing one day a week from home. Only run to station once a week. Plan activities for weekend once a month.

I've just looked at my phone and I've had a missed call from his office at 3.30. He does this when he goes out with workmates - rings once when he's leaving so I can't get arsey because he didn't tell me he was going out. This means he'll be getting a taxi back from the station which costs about £35. Ds1 has an important grading tomorrow at 8.30am. It's the one thing he enjoys and is really good at. He is excited about it and I've never seen him excited before. I cannot attend if ds2 is there - ds1 needs me in the room and ds2 screams because he can't run around. Dh will not be able to look after ds2, he'll spend the morning still drunk, puking and shitting. I'm sat here sobbing.

The absolute fucking, bellend, arsecock. I want to go home. I just want my mum. I just can't do all this on my own.

Sorry, just wanted a rant really. I live in the arse end of nowhere, lived here for two years and still don't have any friends here.

Bloody good for you, OP! to you & well done to your lovely boy on his grading.

Have you managed to talk to your mum about the whole thing yet? What does she think?

Stay as strong as you are being!

You've been so strong and can continue to be, I can tell.

He's had a chance, you explained everything you were unhappy about , he promised to be more involved with his family but he's straight back to his selfish behaviour.

If he wants to act like a bachelor he can now can't he?!

You told him you didn't want to talk, asked him to give you space, your mum told him too. He still bombards you with calls. (That's harrassment, btw.)

He is telling you that he doesn't even respect you enough to give you a bit of space.

I'm glad you're somewhere you feel supported and loved. Don't feel pressured by DH into doing anything until you're ready. If he turns up, you don't have to talk him.

Really really well done. You are so brace to just do it.
And seriously, he texts you at 3.30pm to make sure you don't pester him when he doesn't come home, but you need some space and he bombards you with calls?! Double standards or what?!

Wow op! I agree with jux, he is still unable to treat you with respect. If the feeling of freedom stays, then stay where you are. Don't go back unless he has changed enough to make going back feel as good as arriving at your mums did, every day....not just after he's been a dick.
Xxxx

well done xxx

Hope you managed to get some sleep.

How are you this morning? Hope you got some sleep

Hope you are as ok as you can be

Op. You're so brave, well done

Ah I just read the whole thread and welled up when I saw your update. He sounds like a horribly selfish man and you and your boys are better off away from him. Take some time for you and then consult a solicitor. And good luck

Well done for going to your mums

Hope you managed to get a good nights rest

:)) Op fab!!

You go girl! Well done for doing the right thing for you and your boys.
Congratulations to your son too!

Hope you're ok.

I nearly cheered when you said you'd left.

I'm so glad the grading went well and what a fabulous mum you have.

If you do decide to split from your h, and remember it is entirely your decision you do not need his permission, then I too believe life will be far less stressful for you.
Your h will have the kids at times and you will get a break. You will then enjoy your time with the DC.

You will also loose the big baby man child hanging around your neck.
Whether he comes home pissed will be his affair, your life will be yours to live as you choose.
There is lots of support on her op from those of us who have been through it.

How are you doing?

I'm ok today thanks, feeling a bit deflated but certainly been a lot worse.

I spoke to my mum last night and she seemed unsurprised but said she was happy I'd come to her. She also said she didn't really want to give her opinion on a lot of things in case I end up making up with dh and then know her real opinion of him. So I guess she's never really liked him then!

Still not spoken to dh. Text him last night and said I'd be back in a few days and I'd speak to him properly then but I just need a bit of time away. He text back saying he loves me and won't contact me but to let him know as soon as I'm back. Oh, and that he can't believe I'm throwing away our marriage because he had one night out. He still just doesn't get it.

HE can't believe YOU are throwing away the marriage!?????!!!

Glad you're ok cheesy

Thought h was giving you space and finally got it, but the throwing the marriage away comment most likely shows he doesn't understand and will never change.

Good luck and happy future to you.

Ahahahhahahhaha, man this rings so familiar, the he can't believe I'm throwing away our marriage because he had one night out.

I got this after seven years of shit from my XH as well as "what you gonna say when people ask why you left me? Because I beat you? Because I cheated? Cos I've not done either, have I?"

These men are not only dense but IMHO lost causes. They have such absolute belief they've not done anything wrong and that it is they who are the persecuted party with a hard life.

God, I'm glad you've got your distance. I wanna lamp him one for that.

He does nothing with the kids ever, treats you as a skivvy, numerous other issues yet he thinks this is all about one night out? He take take takes all the benefits of marriage/family while you get nothing but the sacrifices so what exactly does he think is there for you to throw away?

Stay strong.

I would send him a text reminding him of all the reasons, saying it's not just the night out. Block him and let him stew.

One night out!! FFS!