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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My fucking, fucking husband

607 replies

CheesyChristie · 21/04/2017 18:59

He's been a monumental shit to me since ds2 was born (18 months ago). It all came to a head a couple of weeks ago and I told him I was leaving if he didn't change. We had a really good talk, I explained everything I was unhappy about - having fallen into being a sahm so he can focus on his career

  • moving to other side of country, again so he can focus on job
  • him leaving me in the house from 6am to 9/10pm due to combination of staying at work and running/ cycling to station rather than driving even when I had gastritis and was crying asking him to come home and help me
  • refusing to believe ds1 has autism despite diagnosis, thinks I am just overreacting to his behaviour as I can't cope with him
  • offering no support when I was diagnosed with pnd, not once in the last year asking how I feel about it, anything.
  • refusing to acknowledge ds1 needs any additional support
-doing nothing with the kids, ever Loads of other stuff I can't even think of now, but generally just treating me as a skivvy and not his wife.

Anyway after a long talk he promised to change. Look into doing one day a week from home. Only run to station once a week. Plan activities for weekend once a month.

I've just looked at my phone and I've had a missed call from his office at 3.30. He does this when he goes out with workmates - rings once when he's leaving so I can't get arsey because he didn't tell me he was going out. This means he'll be getting a taxi back from the station which costs about £35. Ds1 has an important grading tomorrow at 8.30am. It's the one thing he enjoys and is really good at. He is excited about it and I've never seen him excited before. I cannot attend if ds2 is there - ds1 needs me in the room and ds2 screams because he can't run around. Dh will not be able to look after ds2, he'll spend the morning still drunk, puking and shitting. I'm sat here sobbing.

The absolute fucking, bellend, arsecock. I want to go home. I just want my mum. I just can't do all this on my own.

Sorry, just wanted a rant really. I live in the arse end of nowhere, lived here for two years and still don't have any friends here.

OP posts:
Grimm45 · 22/04/2017 19:29

Leave him you deserve betterSmile

ThomasRichard · 22/04/2017 19:30

Well done OP. I really hope this is the start of a happier life for you and your boys.

mumonashoestring · 22/04/2017 19:30

I know I'm being a wimp

No, you're not the one who, knowing how upset your OH was and what was potentially at stake, opted to drop your family for the sake of a few drinks and a stinking hangover. Pretty shit tradeoff, but not your choice. Not your job to fix it, either.

dailystuck71 · 22/04/2017 19:30

You are not a wimp. You are very strong.

MargotMoon · 22/04/2017 19:33

Just remember that feeling of peace now that you are out of that situation. Aim for that feeling to be your long term goal.

Well done, enjoy seeing your DM and have another Wine from all of us on MN!

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 22/04/2017 19:34

Well done cheesy. I read your post yesterday and I'm so glad you've gone to your dm's.

DearMrDilkington · 22/04/2017 19:35

Your absolutely amazing! Well doneWineStar

SarcasmMode · 22/04/2017 19:38

Honestly you've done so well - he doesn't deserve you.

Keep strong.

1Potato2 · 22/04/2017 19:39

Well done op. You've done the right thing. He won't change.x

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 22/04/2017 19:39

OP being a wimp would be taking him at face value and believing him when he comes crying, begging, pleading and promising that everything will change.

It won't, he's already proved that. Keep the strength you have now and hold on to it when you do speak to him.

GeekyWombat · 22/04/2017 19:41

I hope you're enjoying your wine and the sense of peace Cheesy.

So very chuffed for you all, and yay for DS1's belt!

Wishing you all the best for what comes now - I hope when you're ready to talk to DH it goes well.

buckeejit · 22/04/2017 19:43

Massive we'll done to you-great achievements in one day and so glad your mum sounds awesome. Keep the power x

SkaterGrrrrl · 22/04/2017 19:43

Well done OP. I left a man like this. I'm now married to a kind, considerate, equal partner. Don't look back.

And a whoop whoop to this poster:

"btw - an amazing number of women find that their depression disappears along with their abusive, controlling husbands."

Gazelda · 22/04/2017 19:45

Well done OP. What a day you've had!
Your DS must be beaming. What a lovely receptionist, and what a fabulous Mum you have.
You are not being a wimp by not talking to him. You've been amazingly strong, he doesn't deserve your time, you need to gather your strength for the next stage.
You might have an attack of the wobbles soon, be ready for it and know you are a wonderful Mum who is doing what's best for your DC.
No need to make decisions, plans or moves right now. Take your time and don't feel under any pressure.
You are marvellous, remember that.

JaneEyre70 · 22/04/2017 19:48

Echoing what others say. Talk to him when you are ready, and if that takes a few days or weeks, then he has to wait. Don't feel backed into a corner because you're not. You are completely in control here and just take it hour by hour.

redexpat · 22/04/2017 19:50

Your Mum sounds bloody wonderful. As do you. Good luck.

TheLegendOfBeans · 22/04/2017 19:54

You're literally the exact opposite of a wimp; in fact you couldn't be less wimp-like if you tried, you owe him nothing, not even a fart on a voicemail.

AlternativeTentacle · 22/04/2017 19:59

I was going to post earlier that he would be in contact when he gets hungry. Sadly I was right.

cashmerecardigans · 22/04/2017 20:00

Just to say you're awesome and I love your Mum. I hope I'd be as fab as her if my children need me like this - giving you wine and taking the children to the park - brilliant.

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl · 22/04/2017 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Giddyaunt18 · 22/04/2017 20:05

I really don't think people should be telling you what to do. Only you know/will know in time. You've done the right thing but take your time and when ready, listen to what he has to say. Then make your decision, Good luck.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 22/04/2017 20:11

Brilliant update. So so pleased for you. Take your time. Do NOT reply to him. He didn't bother replying to you.

Take your time about returning.

NameChange30 · 22/04/2017 20:14

TheLegend
"You're literally the exact opposite of a wimp; in fact you couldn't be less wimp-like if you tried, you owe him nothing, not even a fart on a voicemail."
Lol! Exactly this!

JennyHolzersGhost · 22/04/2017 20:15

Flowers and Wine OP. I hope this is the start of a wonderful new stage in your life Smile

PurpleCrazyHorse · 22/04/2017 20:18

Well done OP, especially for chatting to the receptionist at the grading. I know that it's really hard to ask for help (or to accept it when offered).

Keep that head of yours forcused on what you want a year from now. There are loads of people on here who have been down a similar path who can offer lots of practical advice, possibly head over to the relationships board.

Good luck OP.

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