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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disappointed with your sex life part 2

185 replies

gettingthere · 05/07/2004 01:33

here you go folks. last thread was getting long. For those who are new, go back to Disappointed with your sex life.

OP posts:
lemonade · 08/07/2004 23:51

gettingthere - Hi! I know what you mean. I hate hearing kids argue, too. It's always over the most petty things! It's been a mixed weather day here. I like bad weather as I love board games, puzzles and card games and I bribe the kids to play them with me! If they can't play outside there's not much choice! l xx

Original poster
gettingthere · 08/07/2004 23:53

how old are your children? mine are 14, 7 and 4 (2 boys 1 girl)

OP posts:
lemonade · 10/07/2004 12:49

gettingthere - 10 and 9. One of each. Both are "characters" so life isn't dull with them around!

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 12:51

bad bad bad bad bad weekend

reallyembarrassedbut · 10/07/2004 13:38

Where am I?

confused

anyway, i'm fine - no progress, though I tried really hard not to be grumpy and horrid this weekend, it was a real effort - I am 100% the problem now, as I am beginning to think about the distance between us pretty much all the time

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 13:41

REB i know how you feel

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 14:02

i just cant take anymore

lemonade · 10/07/2004 14:19

lmo3 - I'm really sorry to hear that. Can we help at all? l xx

REB - GRRRRR! You are not the problem. You are trying your best to resolve the problem which is the lack of closeness you feel in your relationship with your dw. You're a nice chap and I'll give Branster a shout if you don't agree and then it'll be 2 against 1! Ok? l xx

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 14:22

not unless you can get me a new DH?!?!?

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 14:24

he pestered me all weekend for sex.......when I finally gave in, it was over before I could blink, he rolled over and went to sleep. I feel so used and rejected.

reallyembarrassedbut · 10/07/2004 15:07

lm - I feel like a bit of a s**t now - is he affectionate? You said that he wasn't interested in you - do you mean in the rest of life, does he talk to you, ask you questions, try to be a part of who you are?

I have to admit, that's what I've given up doing, because I don't seem to be very good at it.

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 16:18

REB i didnt mean to make you feel bad.......really sorry.

I have made all the effort possible...new underwear, perfume etc and he doesn't even bat an eyelid at me. Cooked meals, even given him the space he wants when he wants. It hurts so much and I feel so rejected.

He spends hardly any time with me and the kids....he is always exersizing of tinkering with his blooming car. When he comes home from work, he stomps around moaning about how he has to do the tidying up if I have been really busy and not managed to do a lot etc, yet I don't ASK him to do it.

The weekend was terrible and he spent nearly all of it just shouting at the kids and moaning at me.

Another bloke looked at me when I dragged DH and the kids out to the park and DH went mad at me. What am I supposed to do??? I didn't respond in any way to this other bloke...after all it was just a look. DH doesn't take notice of me, so TBH it was nice for someone TO notice me (i bet that sounds awful??)....oh I am so fed up......

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 16:20

we used to spend every moment together, laughing and generally being 'in love' He knew me like the back of his hand....we were soulmates. Now.......well....its a different story. We don't even laugh together anymore. And my birthday....well Im not even going to go there cos that was the start of everything going pear shaped........I feel so unloved

lemonade · 10/07/2004 16:22

lmo3 - Yes, it's horrible when they do that. It's a problem that some men seem to have. They don't realise that you need love with sex. They think that sex is love. Obviously, we know that's not true, but some men can't (or won't) see our viewpoint.

REB - I've seen one of lmo3's other threads, so in my opinion, no, he doesn't take an active interest in her life and indulges in his own interests at the expense of spending time with his dw and children. Please correct me if I'm wrong, lmo3. If my dh wanted to win me back, that's one of the main things he'd have to do. Also, to treat me as a person he loved and not just ignore me and treat me as you might a housekeeper.

reallyembarrassedbut · 10/07/2004 16:23

lm, that just sounds rotten - I wasn't suggesting you'd made me feel bad, what I meant was that maybe I should buck my ideas up a bit - now of course I'm worried because I do look at women generally too much..... not obviously, but there seem to be a lot of vey attractive women around these days.

Now I just sound ridiculous, lol.

I don't know what to suggest, but maybe you need to be selfish

lemonade · 10/07/2004 16:25

lmo3 - Sorry, our posts crossed. I take so long to write a message! l xx

P.S. Yes, my birthday was largely ignored by him. I got a card but not a present. I took it to mean that I wasn't worth it.

lemonade · 10/07/2004 16:30

lmo3 - If he has spent the weekend moaning and shouting then he is really ruining it for everybody. I'd tell him that I loved the person he was and the way he was back then and that I felt oppressed by the new him. That would show him that he just has to go back to the way he was in order to change things for the better. I want to give my dh a softish ultimatum today, too. I wouldn't choose to marry him if he'd behaved like this back then, so why would I want to stay with him when he's like this?

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 16:30

i got 2 dog eared 'back of the supermarket shelf' cards from DH and the kids that cost 29p. I was so upset. Especially as they didnt even have wife or mummy on them. They were of the style that you would give to you 100 year old great aunty mildred who you havent seen for 10 years.

REB....I dont blame you for looking at other women though after what you have been through.

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 16:32

lemonade what are you going to tell him?

lemonade · 10/07/2004 16:33

lmo3 - Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I've lost some loved people in my life, like you, and it's hard when you only get about 6 birthday cards and little thought has been put into them. "Since when did I become so invisible?", I ask myself.

lonelymumof3 · 10/07/2004 16:35

i completely undertand that!!

reallyembarrassedbut · 10/07/2004 16:35

erm you misunderstand me, I'm not thinking "I wonder if she would offer me the love and succour I crave", I'm thinking "f**k she looks sexy".

lemonade · 10/07/2004 16:36

lmo3 - I went to see a solicitor last year and he said I'd get custody of the children, our lovely house and a decent amount of money from him. He has so much to lose. It gave him a huge shock at the time but he's tried very little to change since then.

reallyembarrassedbut · 10/07/2004 16:36

ADDENDUM

I also look at DW like this, but she hates it.

lemonade · 10/07/2004 16:37

REB - That's allowed! As long as you don't let it go any further.

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