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Original poster

New Man requesting i wear lingerie to date

162 replies

WiseToTheLies · 15/04/2017 13:16

Ive been seeing someone for a few weeks now and weve dtd. He told me he likes lingerie and holdups in particular and would like me to wear them for our next date with heels.

Would this bother you? My heart sunk when he said it as its just not me - aside from the fact it'd look bizzare in spring / summer and is a bit... officey.

Its making me so anxious Im considering not seeing him again.

What would you do? Just say no and hope he forgets about it? Apart from this he's great.

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 17/04/2017 17:42

Theres a bit of a double standard going on here. Those of you saying they have been together long enough for her to wear what he asks would probably say exactly the opposite if OP was a single mum who wanted to introduce her new man to her kids. THEN she would be being told she was mad to introduce them so soon as shes only been seeing him for 5 minutes.

AnyFucker · 17/04/2017 18:40

I still would like an answer as to why just because op has already slept with him all previous boundaries are now null and void

I have asked politely a couple of times now and no one is getting back to me

user0000000001 · 17/04/2017 18:57

I still would like an answer as to why just because op has already slept with him all previous boundaries are now null and void

I have asked politely a couple of times now and no one is getting back to me

I said, in my post...

Fine - in my opinion - to request it, if you've been seeing a few weeks and your 'relationship' is at a point where you have already had sex (depending on how it's phrased, as a PP has said).

I didn't mean all previous boundaries are null and void.

I meant, a request I would consider completely sleazy on date 1 or 2 wouldn't necessarily have the same sinister undertones if we were sleeping together and therefore presumably at a stage where we were both exploring what turned each other on.

But I stand by the 'depending on how it's phrased' bit.

PoorYorick · 17/04/2017 19:14

I think there's a difference between asking a sexual partner to do something that turns you on and being introduced to the kids.

But obviously OP shouldn't do it of she doesn't want to and new boyfriend needs to respect that.

SuperPug · 17/04/2017 19:20

Agree with gamerchick here.
It comes across as a bit of a demand from him rather than something you're both comfortable with.
I think your gut is telling you you're not comfortable with this or him and I would move on.

Catherinebee85 · 17/04/2017 19:27

If it makes you feel uncomfortable then don't do it.

It does strike me as a bit forward and would put me off that he's suggested it so soon.

If you like him I guess it's worth seeing how he responds when you tell him it makes you uncomfortable. As it progresses it might be a fun thing to dress up (behind closed doors!)

DrMorbius · 17/04/2017 20:30

So how did it go Op, what did you decide?

pardrej · 17/04/2017 23:01

If you are uncomfortable please don't do it. If he's a good man this won't be a problem. Think of it as a test Wink

HarmlessChap · 18/04/2017 12:01

Clearly nobody should be pressured into doing something they feel uncomfortable with but if a woman had ever said she would like me to wear CK boxers, or whatever, to our next date then that's what I would have worn, because it doesn't make a difference to the person I am and I would feel good about making the effort to please her. That said I would also expect a relationship to be a situation of give and take so I would expect effort to be made by both parties to please the other.

Separate story, but I bought DW some lingerie (not stockings) from M&S when we were dating and she exchanged it for a jumper, how romantic.

Offred · 18/04/2017 12:17

Harmless - what some women are trying to say is that this kind of thing, because of abuses of women perpetrated by a patriarchy that has historically denied their independent sexuality completely and effectively socialised men and women to see sexual enjoyment as purely a 'man's thing' and women's role in sex is only to be pleasing to a man, makes them sensitive to requests to dress themselves up for a man's sexual pleasure.

As a man you can never experience that feeling and it is not equivalent because of that.

That's why a number of women are saying that they wouldn't like it at all or that they would want to know the man better and be assured the man was interested in a real relationship rather than little more than a blow up doll as a partner.

This is what has been characterised as women's 'emotional' connection to sex as we have moved on from a time where women were not even considered people but it is a rather normal response of any person towards being vulnerable with one of the members of a group of people who have perpetrated abuses of them based on their biology/identification as female over thousands of years.

GolderAndWiser · 19/04/2017 21:59

Exactly offred

Timeforteaplease · 20/04/2017 08:55

HarmlessChap

Separate story, but I bought DW some lingerie (not stockings) from M&S when we were dating and she exchanged it for a jumper, how romantic.

So you got upset when she would not dress as you wanted? That is the real definition of 'unromantic' to me.

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