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Original poster

New Man requesting i wear lingerie to date

162 replies

WiseToTheLies · 15/04/2017 13:16

Ive been seeing someone for a few weeks now and weve dtd. He told me he likes lingerie and holdups in particular and would like me to wear them for our next date with heels.

Would this bother you? My heart sunk when he said it as its just not me - aside from the fact it'd look bizzare in spring / summer and is a bit... officey.

Its making me so anxious Im considering not seeing him again.

What would you do? Just say no and hope he forgets about it? Apart from this he's great.

OP posts:
peaceout · 15/04/2017 13:34

He wants you packaged up to suit his tastes, or course this is just his opening move......
😲

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 15/04/2017 13:35

Agreed- if your request for him to be wearing a red leather thong with flashing lights is also respected.

Post his reply won't you?!

peaceout · 15/04/2017 13:35

He doesn't want to get to know you, he wants to mould you into what he wants you to be

gamerchick · 15/04/2017 13:35

Maybe you can tell him fine but you want him to wear a full latex gimp outfit with chain so you can lead him about. You never know he might get scared and call it off for you.

claritytobeclear · 15/04/2017 13:39

He is being very presumptuous:

  1. that you own such items
  2. that you are happy to wear such items
  3. that you would let him see you in them
user0000000001 · 15/04/2017 13:40

Fine - in my opinion - to request it, if you've been seeing a few weeks and your 'relationship' is at a point where you have already had sex (depending on how it's phrased, as a PP has said).

You don't want to... also fine.

His reaction when you decline is the important thing here.

user0000000001 · 15/04/2017 13:41

Seeing each other a few weeks.

peukpokicuzo · 15/04/2017 13:44

Massive red flag. He wants to see how controllable you are, and how much you are willing to suppress your own wishes for his sake.

Run a mile. No more dates.

TheFifthKey · 15/04/2017 13:46

I don't think it's necessarily controlling - in what context did he ask? And how? If it's out of the blue, maybe..but shy bairns get nowt, and all....I don't think it's that bizarre or controlling just to ask for something you like!

NSEA · 15/04/2017 13:49

It's not creepy.

I think you just say it's not you and thats the end of that. How he responds to you saying no is important, not his actual request

NSEA · 15/04/2017 13:50

People are seriously overreacting to a guys voicing of a preference of what he finds sexy. He can ask...she can say no...doesn't make it controlling or a reg flag.

Violetcharlotte · 15/04/2017 13:54

@NSEA

I think the reaction is based on similar experiences of men like this! Certainly is in my case!

Fairylea · 15/04/2017 13:54

I don't think it's particularly creepy, some people do just have particular things they really like. But the key thing is your first reaction was it made your heart sink, and it's not really you. That's enough to say thanks and no thanks!

WankingMonkey · 15/04/2017 13:58

Easy one. If you aren't comfortable, don't. If you are, do.

I have been with men like this and luckily I love getting all dolledup...it makes me feel sexy even if I don't particularly look it! So I kind of do it for me aswell as him. I would never make myself do anything just to please someone else.

kittybiscuits · 15/04/2017 13:59

The creepy thing is asking a new partner to do this!

MrsMoastyToasty · 15/04/2017 14:03

Ask him to wear a man-kini.

Destinysdaughter · 15/04/2017 14:03

Is his name Peter?Grin

Iris65 · 15/04/2017 14:03

I love lingerie and stockings, but my DP doesn't. I wear them when I feel like it and would dress up if he liked it. If I didn't like it I wouldn't do it.

Zaphodsotherhead · 15/04/2017 14:06

If you wear pants over your suspenders, you can have sex without taking your stockings off. Which is useful.

Crispsheets · 15/04/2017 14:07

Wouldn't bother me in the least. But then I like holdups and lingerie.
You can always say no.
If he's asked you to turn up with a vibrating butt plug inserted, I'd understand your concern.

Headofthehive55 · 15/04/2017 14:07

Ah hold ups did not hold up very well in the 1980s so suspenders were fairly usual.

pocketsaviour · 15/04/2017 14:10

He sounds like the kind of guy who enjoys a teasing prelude to a sex date, over maybe a couple of days, before the actual DTD.

IME guys like that are very into sex and usually very good at it and for them (like me) sex will be a massive part of any relationship.

Right up my street, but if you're not into it then probably best to part ways now.

HecateAntaia · 15/04/2017 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladyformation · 15/04/2017 14:12

I've been asked and done it (what they don't know is I bloody hate tights and always wear hold ups or suspenders under any dress that can get away with it, so it's an easy one for me...) I don't think it's at all skeezy of him to ask.

But you're not comfortable, so say no flirtatiously, and if he's a dick about it then he's a dick full stop.

Emmageddon · 15/04/2017 14:13

Tell him that you don't want to.

See what his reaction is.

If it's a downturned mouth and a scowl, dump him.

If he laughs and says that's okay, and he's alright in every other respect, i.e. doesn't get your creepometer flashing for anything else, then see how it goes.

It does sound as if you're his version of a human Barbie doll though.