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Original poster

New Man requesting i wear lingerie to date

162 replies

WiseToTheLies · 15/04/2017 13:16

Ive been seeing someone for a few weeks now and weve dtd. He told me he likes lingerie and holdups in particular and would like me to wear them for our next date with heels.

Would this bother you? My heart sunk when he said it as its just not me - aside from the fact it'd look bizzare in spring / summer and is a bit... officey.

Its making me so anxious Im considering not seeing him again.

What would you do? Just say no and hope he forgets about it? Apart from this he's great.

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 15/04/2017 15:26

gimp mask and a soldier's uniform

Don't forget the flippers and tutu

SaltySeaDog72 · 15/04/2017 16:06

OP I think it's just not you. Plenty people would be delighted to oblige, but not you. Which is fine. After 5 nanoseconds of dating and a heart-sink reaction I would surmise we are incompatible and call it off. I would proceed with caution.

Emboo19 · 15/04/2017 16:22

I'd feel exactly like you do Op! Also think they're dated.

I'd also be offended, that he didn't like how I dress, that might seem silly. What I wear is part of who I am though, the fact my boyfriend likes it is a part of our attraction to each other.

If he'd requested me to wear certain things, I'd be thinking we weren't very well suited.

I also wouldn't like if my boyfriend had asked me what he should wear either though.

Dahlietta · 15/04/2017 16:27

If he's asked you to turn up with a vibrating butt plug inserted, I'd understand your concern

Vibrating butt plug, heels and hold ups... All in the same ball park to me!
However, I agree with pp that, while I think it's a bit early on for him to be requesting fantasy attire, I don't think it's the end of the world unless you tell him you're not comfortable with it and he doesn't accept that.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2017 16:28

Oh, god, a costume/role play/dress up one. Fine if it's what you fancy, but not my cuppa tea personally. Yeah, I'd prefer someone gets that sort of preference out in the open before sex, but I also didn't bother to 'date' many sexual partners I had first . I would just be straight, 'I'm really not into dress up or role play, so I'm going to stick to what I'm comfortable in. You wear whatever you like,' and see how he reacts. Heels are my idea of hell, I'd have to dump anyone who wanted me to wear those fucking things. Ditto 'stockings'. Fucking hate them.

ButtonmushroomEx · 15/04/2017 17:13

Tell him you'll wear thigh high boots....

Turn up in these:

New Man requesting i wear lingerie to date

christmaswreaths · 15/04/2017 17:27

I would find it creepy too

whatisgoingon1 · 15/04/2017 17:27

Really don't see an issue here . MOST men (at least in my personal experience) like suspenders and hold ups.
I do like them,don't see them outdated at all and rather feel sexier wearing them.
Have a few of them and wear for special occasions (date night)with a nice dress . Previous bfs liked them too,I would never even see it as kinky and would never thought it's creepy.
Oversensitive middle class mumsnet strikes again .

NotYoda · 15/04/2017 17:33

Tell him to wear suspenders (those sock ones), an orange tie and to shave off one eyebrow

Or tell him to get bent

Platimum · 15/04/2017 18:04

i dated a man last summer who i now felt raced me through his go to repetoire and then dumped me.

So now, that would be something i'd do when the trust was there and we'd been together long enough for me to know he wanted me not just somebody to run through a sex menu with.

MickeyRooney · 15/04/2017 18:08

Nah. I'd bin him.

CharlieSierra · 15/04/2017 18:45

He likes women who wear stockings and heels, you are a woman who prefers jeans. He doesn't get to change you into his fantasy. I'd dump him like a shot for even asking.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2017 19:06

'Oversensitive middle class mumsnet strikes again'

Or maybe some people just find them uncomfortable, faffy and dated .

scottishdiem · 15/04/2017 19:46

If you dont like it, dont do it. If he is unhappy with that then you know what he is like.

DP and I, early in our relationship, did like to do things that turned the other on. I am not sure I was being creepy. Its a thing called fun (when its mutual). Some of you might like to try it.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2017 19:50

'Its a thing called fun (when its mutual). Some of you might like to try it.'

And again, for everyone, fun means different things. Some find it role playing on a date, wearing clothes they both find sexy, for others it's a day out rockclimbing (YEAH! My idea of heaven!) or a rave. Mutual being the main thing. She doesn't find stockings and heels fun.

Bananamanfan · 15/04/2017 19:53

I'd feel the same as you, op. I wouldn't be comfortable. He should be getting to know you, not issuing commands.

GooseFriend · 15/04/2017 20:04

In the past I might have thought about it but now this'd be a 'see ya later' for me because of my experiences. Trust your gut OP.

Whatshernameagain · 15/04/2017 21:15

OP I think it's fine for him to ask. Many women wear stockings or hold ups every day so it's not a weird thing in itself. My DH buys me lingerie and likes me to wear it a fair bit, under clothes or round the house. Its not cheap tacky stuff and he's very complimentary and I feel happy to wear it. It is important to be comfortable though, so if it's really not you, I think you have to say and he shouldn't push it.

UpYerGansey · 15/04/2017 21:23

I wouldn't mind at all, but I'm into that kind of thing.

scottishdiem · 15/04/2017 21:33

She doesn't find stockings and heels fun.

And thats fine. And she can say no as I said. However, the idea of asking, the idea of having fun and the idea of asking for something should not be a problem. Yet he has been called a creep. So my point is, how can people have fun if the answer isnt just a simple no but a judgement. Hence my thought that people should have fun rather than judge.

user1489261248 · 15/04/2017 21:47

Anything you don't feel comfortable with, don't do it. This request sounds weird to me so early in the relationship. If a new b/f I was seeing started demanding I wear 'sexy attire,' I'd tell him to fuck off, and he'd been single again. He will be asking the OP to shave her muff next, and make sure she has her hair down, and to only wear skirts.

As for the comment from the person who said he is asking because he is probably massively into sex, and sex is going to be a big part of the relationship. (page 2.) Is that meant to be a positive thing? That sex is going to be a MASSIVE part of the relationship?

Makes me so glad I am a long time married, and don't have to go through all this dating bollocks.

I am surprised at people saying they don't think this is weird/odd/controlling. It absolutely is. I mean wtf?! Why does he have to ask/tell/suggest what she wears? It's got fuckall to do with him how she chooses to dress.

And it's nothing to do with being oversensitive or prudish, it's about thinking it's wrong and weird for a man to tell a woman to dress sexy and provocative for him after just a few dates.

Is he a creep? Debatable. But his 'request' is creepy.

Whatshernameagain · 15/04/2017 21:55

user - he only asked her to wear stockings or hold ups though, it's hardly that different to a pair of tights. Maybe she always wears jeans and he'd just like her to wear a dress for once. It's not hugely out of the ordinary. She can say no.

Offred · 15/04/2017 22:00

Based on your op I think you should not see this man (or any other man) again and work on your own abilities to be a confident keeper of your own boundaries and expressor of your own feelings.

I don't think there is anything wrong per se in him expressing that he likes this and would like if you did it but you should be able to just say to him what you have said here about you not wanting to and without being worried about his reaction.

StiffenedPleat · 15/04/2017 22:01

Send him a message asking him to wear a leather thong. Then turn up in jeans.

PhilTheSAHD · 16/04/2017 00:11

I agree with others saying you should tell him that you aren't confident about wearing stockings, if he is nice and respectful then he won't push it. The way op is phrased, he likes all lingerie but especially stockings and heels? Is there some lingerie you do feel comfortable wearing under clothes in public? Maybe you could try that, and see if you find it fun with you both knowing that you've got something special on - and then if the date goes well and you feel like it you could show him (or if during the date you feel uncomfortable you don't have to show him - maybe change again to something you are comfortable in? )

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