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Original poster

He is said its a minor thing, I went ballistic. How would you feel?

162 replies

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 12/04/2017 19:31

My husband and I have what I consider a very happy healthy relationship, it is however very long term and has its moments. Recently its been great.

Tonight was a huge argument out the blue. Which was very much from my angry perspective.

We have two boys (nearly) 6 and 10, we own two Scalextric's. Owned them for a few years, a second one DH bought home in November 2016. Our children always have massive arguments over these, and I stopped the first game for sometime before the next one was introduced. That was no better despite loads of chances, plenty of games etc.
It ends in rows every. Single. Time.

If DH hadn't provided them, id have chucked them. Instead I resort to hiding them under the beds at the very back.

Last night, DC2 asked to get the Scalextric out 2 mins before bed. I said no way! I then took it out the room and said to DH "No way are they having this, I've never once known them to play it happy together! Its leaving this house, I absolutely hate it."

I put it outside the front door, 10 mins later changed my mind as it was something Dh provided and hid it in the cupboard by the front door, they would never look there.

We all go to bed.
It pays to mention here that I'm the one that's off with the children all school holidays. Not him.

He gets up and goes to work. I wake up at 7am to two screaming arguing children.
They are screeching and fighting over the fucking Scalextric!

I figure they found the second shitty old one at the back of the bed gathering dust. I tell them its gone tonight and never again.

Tonight, DH home, I gather the second set up and go to put it in there cupboard with the other but its empty.

It WASNT the second set. DH undermined me in the morning, took the Scalextric out the cupboard before the kids were awake and put it back in their room.

he game some bullshit excuse that his tools didn't fit, but the tools weren't even bastard in there.

I went absolutely apeshit. Its ME that had to referee these kids, ME that explained how hellish it was when the toy was around yet HE decided to fuck me over anyway?!I

I'm still SO angry.

OP posts:
Oblomov17 · 13/04/2017 08:37

When dh comes home ask him when he can next do a weekend : cleaning, meals, haircuts and all that jazz, as a pp suggested.

And you go off with your best friend or sister for the weekend. And tell him tonight, that you'll Set the scalextrix up before you go.

let's see how he gets on with that !!!

Oblomov17 · 13/04/2017 08:38

Have the Conversation with your dh. I do this and that for 8 days ..... did you deliberately mean to push my buttons?

Original poster
SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 13/04/2017 08:52

To be honest I'm taking on a job which means he will start doing weekends with the kids.

But that's totally missing the point. The issue was him totally undermining my decision not to let the kids have the toy because it made life hellish. Something he created whilst he was happily childfree at work.

That's the point.

OP posts:
Renaissance2017 · 13/04/2017 08:57

You come across as quite aggressive and argumentative in your posts.

Are the kids just following your example?

Original poster
SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 13/04/2017 09:06

Seriously? I mean..... seriously? That's actually quite funny. Thanks for the giggle Renaissance

Did you miss the bit where I was really cross with my husband?

Did you miss the bit that said that my children got on really well apart from with this toy?

Kids following my example, yes I throw tantrums with my Scalextric on a daily basis.
😂😂😂

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 13/04/2017 09:12

It's not about scalextric though is it? It's about arguing and not being able to resolve it.
So maybe they are following your examples. Your DH was a dick for doing what he did and you over reacted.

Believeitornot · 13/04/2017 09:13

It's not about scalextric though is it? It's about arguing and not being able to resolve it.
So maybe they are following your examples. Your DH was a dick for doing what he did and you over reacted.

Sparkletastic · 13/04/2017 09:14

eBay or charity shop it today.

grannytomine · 13/04/2017 09:16

I understand why you are upset with what he did but I think you really got it going the night before. A child asked to play with a toy just before bedtime, not unusual and not unreasonable to say no, not enough time now. So far so good. You then seem to lose it over nothing, the kids have gone to bed, you don't say they are playing up but you decide to throw the toy away and when you realise you have been a bit OTT you don't say to your husband that you have brought the game back in.

I don't think the big issue is about your husband putting the toy in their room, I would be more concerned with your reaction the night before. I understand about kids fighting, I have 4 and the two big ones fought and the two little ones fought and now when I have my grandchildren the same thing happens but as the adult you need to be able to show them reasonable behaviour and I don't think any of us do that 100% of the time.

I hope the rest of the holiday goes well and that probably needs to start with a frank discussion with your husband, both of you trying to see the other's point of view.

grannytomine · 13/04/2017 09:17

I think your response to Renaissance2017 says it all really.

grannytomine · 13/04/2017 09:18

And not in a good way, you do seem aggressive.

Original poster
SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 13/04/2017 09:20

It's not about scalextric though is it? It's about arguing and not being able to resolve it.

You say this as though DH and I argue regularly and I flip out at him regularly. I assure you this absolutely does not happen. I can even remember the last time we argued.
The kids have not 'learnt from me' they've been having the same tantrums over the same toy for a few years now (3 I think!) my arguing with DH yesterday did isn't the cause for this.

Sparkletastic after yesterday both sets have gone and never to return. DH still thinks he did absolutely nothing wrong though.

I will let it go totally by the time he comes home tonight it won't do anyone any favours to drag it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 13/04/2017 09:23

I don't doubt that I seem aggressive. I've got a bee in my bonnet about this subject.

I'd rather get it out here and get over it!
I do take offence to people judging and making assumptions about my parenting though. That's not fair and it does add about bee into the equation.

Thanks to those who have understood. I find it reasurring to know that scalextrics around he country are causing the same arguments and it's not just my kids!

OP posts:
Original poster
SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 13/04/2017 09:24

Excuse my autocorrections. My phone seems to totally change words!

OP posts:
LettuceMash · 13/04/2017 09:35

I'm with your DH 100%

TheBakeryQueen · 13/04/2017 09:38

I seriously think I'd have to plan to go out as soon as he walks through the door tonight, leave the tea/bath/bedtime to him and the scalectrix (sp?) set up ready for them in the living room. Taste of own medicine is needed here.

Don't go home until they're asleep in bed.

ChocChocPorridge · 13/04/2017 09:47

We leave the Scalextrix at the Grandparents for exactly this reason.

I do understand. I can understand coming out of a kid's room at bed time and making the final vow to get rid of the thing, and then softening and putting it in the cupboard - I'm pretty sure I've done similar with one of those things that fires foam discs. DP might forget (he's forgetful) and put it somewhere the kids would see it, he would be sorry and understand though I think (well, unless I went at him all guns blazing.. and even then, he'd react to my tone, not the content of the argument).

Stick it in the loft or a shed, or just get rid of it. Some toys are just trigger points and life is better without them.

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 13/04/2017 09:48

If you look at your actions in isolation, it may seem to some that you're over reacting. And perhaps you were. But if i understand you right, this isnt about the scalectrix, it is about the fact that your husband knew that something upset you and caused you stress and rather than support you, he (for whatever reason) discounted that and with his actions said " i dont give a shit if this bothers you"

muttrat · 13/04/2017 09:51

Definitely an over reaction.

Nuts not to let them have one each. Then at least they might break them Grin

BusterGonad · 13/04/2017 09:53

I think your husband was a bit of a dick to get the scalextix out when he knew you didn't want to. Your reaction at first seems a bit ott but after reading the whole thread I can completely sympathize with you. There is nothing worse than a parent who doesn't see the day to day stuff coming along and fucking it all up. I refuse to put the PlayStation on unless my husband is home, I don't enjoy it, tears always happen and I cannot be arsed to try and solve the problems it brings. As I do almost everything else I think that is fair enough.

Believeitornot · 13/04/2017 09:56

I'm talking about the children arguing. What exactly is it about that game which causes arguments?

CS2006 · 13/04/2017 10:07

Total agreement with thebakeryqueen...taste of what it's truly like to deal with it is what's needed for DH.
I feel your pain...we have squabbles over xbox time and it drives me insane.
You have not over reacted. YANBU and you have every right to feel angry at being undermined and disrespected. His guilty smile said as much!
I do hope you're not regretting posting this after all the comments about over reacting and I hope you can see beyond them.

HappyJanuary · 13/04/2017 10:16

Not a good idea to remove the toy that causes a flashpoint imo. There's a reason, and it'll happen again with something else at some point.

What if you sit and play with them, keep the peace, model how to play with it, and box it up at the first sign of trouble?

At the moment, by the time you've had enough and removed it, they've had enough fun.

nachogazpacho · 13/04/2017 10:40

Playing it can be tricky as you have to release the trigger and alternate the speed or your car comes off. Might be making one or the other angry if one doesn't know how to moderate the speed. Kids these days are used to games that are a lot less frustrating.

Isetan · 13/04/2017 10:40

Not sure the preamble about how great your relationship was/ is was needed. He can't be that great if he deliberately tried to make your life harder in a ridiculous power play. Your H is a twat but losing your shit even thought justified, isn't achieving anything.

Sit down with the twat and explain how his actions have hurt you and is undermining your ability to parent. If he wants to continue his power play then that's his prerogative but you won't be dealing with the consequences. If he has something to say or is in disagreement with how you're handling the situation, then he needs to speak up but you won't be undermined iby PA.

However, I would really question your relationship if he thinks causing you stress and inconvenience is a joke. His behaviour was immature, cowardly and shows a contempt for your role as partner and co-parent.

In addition, stop sending out mixed signals about the damn toy, get rid of it or it becomes a game they play with Daddy only. The way you both handled the toy situation demonstrates really poor communication and is setting a terrible example for your children. Why wasn't there a discussion and an agreement over the toy? Hiding it with all the reasons excuses given is further evidence of your poor communication.