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Original poster

He is said its a minor thing, I went ballistic. How would you feel?

162 replies

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 12/04/2017 19:31

My husband and I have what I consider a very happy healthy relationship, it is however very long term and has its moments. Recently its been great.

Tonight was a huge argument out the blue. Which was very much from my angry perspective.

We have two boys (nearly) 6 and 10, we own two Scalextric's. Owned them for a few years, a second one DH bought home in November 2016. Our children always have massive arguments over these, and I stopped the first game for sometime before the next one was introduced. That was no better despite loads of chances, plenty of games etc.
It ends in rows every. Single. Time.

If DH hadn't provided them, id have chucked them. Instead I resort to hiding them under the beds at the very back.

Last night, DC2 asked to get the Scalextric out 2 mins before bed. I said no way! I then took it out the room and said to DH "No way are they having this, I've never once known them to play it happy together! Its leaving this house, I absolutely hate it."

I put it outside the front door, 10 mins later changed my mind as it was something Dh provided and hid it in the cupboard by the front door, they would never look there.

We all go to bed.
It pays to mention here that I'm the one that's off with the children all school holidays. Not him.

He gets up and goes to work. I wake up at 7am to two screaming arguing children.
They are screeching and fighting over the fucking Scalextric!

I figure they found the second shitty old one at the back of the bed gathering dust. I tell them its gone tonight and never again.

Tonight, DH home, I gather the second set up and go to put it in there cupboard with the other but its empty.

It WASNT the second set. DH undermined me in the morning, took the Scalextric out the cupboard before the kids were awake and put it back in their room.

he game some bullshit excuse that his tools didn't fit, but the tools weren't even bastard in there.

I went absolutely apeshit. Its ME that had to referee these kids, ME that explained how hellish it was when the toy was around yet HE decided to fuck me over anyway?!I

I'm still SO angry.

OP posts:
chitofftheshovel · 12/04/2017 20:42

Did you really call his mum a cunt?

Sorry if I've missed this bit - you only have one safe power socket in your entire house? That must make daily life awkward.

But I agree, I made a dick move.

chitofftheshovel · 12/04/2017 20:42

No I didn't, I have nothing to do with it. he made a dick move.

JennyHolzersGhost · 12/04/2017 20:46

Time to let daddy do a day of childcare, I think OP. When he's not working - I presume he can't work 24/7. Probably a few of them in fact.
He needs to learn how to parent his children.

BluePeppersAndBroccoli · 12/04/2017 20:46

Well I would have done exactely the same than you. And actually I have done the same than you. Toys that create arguments or made my life hell wee relegated and hidden away. Most of the time they forgot about them anyway!

If your DH is so keen on his ds to play with said toys, then he is the one to handle it. I wouod suggest that the only time the toy comes out, he is the one dealing with it and that you are excusing yourself out of the house (otherwise you will end up having to be the referee again).

Plus I would have a word about him undermining you, doing stuff behind you back, lying and generally not communicating with you. If he has an issue with you putting the out away, he should have said so.

BluePeppersAndBroccoli · 12/04/2017 20:47

Astrian re the OP.
The OP has HIDDEN the toy. It's her DH who got it out an put it in plain sight of the boys. Whilst he was at work and didn't have to deal with the fall out.

Original poster
SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 12/04/2017 20:49

Quite a while ago, when all this started out. I said "This is a game just for your dad!" But we are going black 3 years now.

He's seen the arguments too. I think he just forgets. But in the holiday time the kids find the games, the cycle begins again.

And no! I didn't call his mum a cunt!! She's lovely!! It was someone else's mum and entirely accidental.

OP posts:
KingsCross88 · 12/04/2017 20:56

Throw them out! What's all this "he provided them" bollocks? You're a family. You are the primary carer of the children. It was family money that paid for them. Or can you throw them up in the loft and forget about them?

dinobum · 12/04/2017 21:00

I don't think it's about the money, it's the fact he clearly likes the toy and wants his kids to play with it. I'd be pissed with my dh if he hid/threw away a toy I wanted my dd to plays with. I would however be happy for it to be my domain if he didn't want to manage tantrums/fighting

AstrantiaMallow · 12/04/2017 21:02

Bluepeppers yes I read the OP and it says
*Instead I resort to hiding them under the beds at the very back.

Last night, DC2 asked to get the Scalextric out 2 mins before bed. I said no way! I then took it out the room and said to DH "No way are they having this, I've never once known them to play it happy together! Its leaving this house, I absolutely hate it."*

And OP has just said the kids find the games in the hols.

So just saying a way forward and some rules would be a bit more constructive especially if the games have been owned for a few years.

AstrantiaMallow · 12/04/2017 21:04

But yes, if OP is so fed up and if the fighting is really that bad, then games just go to charity. End of story.

LaContessaDiPlump · 12/04/2017 21:08

If I leave my 4 and 5yo alone together to play unsupervised then the 5yo deliberately makes the 4yo cry so I will come back and pay attention to him. Not sure how that fits into the 'Let them learn how to behave' paradigm but there you go Hmm

MrsLupo · 12/04/2017 21:11

He undermined you, and deliberately created a situation that he knew would get your day off to a shitty start. YANBU twice over. Get rid of the thing and tell him not to buy a bloody third. Life's too short.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 12/04/2017 21:16

Wait til all of them are out and get rid of the lot. Hide it all in the attic or give it to charity shop or stick it on gumtree. He can't keep giving it back to them if it's gone. I'd be pretty pissed off if I said no to something and my DH went behind my back to d it anyway.

Original poster
SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 12/04/2017 21:19

MrsLupo I copied and paste your post and sent it to him.

I don't care what the nay Sayers have. That expresses me perfectly.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 12/04/2017 21:20

If they argue over a toy throwing it out isn't the answer. You need to work out how they can play together nicely.

Hassled · 12/04/2017 21:33

I really want to know how you accidentally called someone else's mum a cunt. I'm trying to think what you meant to say :o.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/04/2017 21:40

Throwing a game away surely isn't the answer. I would have thought. Play with it and if there are any fights, it goes away until next weekend. If this happens again, ditto. If they argue for a third time, they will have to wait for a fortnight and if it still happens again go to three weeks. I'd probably leave it at three weeks as the max. If they behave, they can earn the right to use it more frequently. In slow increments. Before you know it, either they will hardly ever be able to play with it or else they will have sorted their differences out.

gillybeanz · 12/04/2017 21:42

I just used to tell mine if they argued over a toy the toy would be gone to the charity shop, or put away until they proved they could play together without arguing all the time, and kept to my word.

Dadaist · 12/04/2017 21:49

I honestly think that your children need to learn to share and play together. They obviously love this game, inspite of the arguments it causes. So why would you just try to get rid of it - which teaches them nothing?
If your two boys love this game but can't play nicely - then maybe they need to be supervised, preferably by DH, and shown how to play, with the proviso that if they argue then it will be put away. And if they play nicely they can play again?
It may have been that your DH was concerned that you might actually go through with your threats to throw it away, and took the cowardly step of moving it rather than deal with your anger.

Why didn't your children ask before they took down the Scalextrc set? Why do they argue? I can see that hiding the set makes your life easier. Are you under a lot of stress OP, and feel unsupported by DH?

Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 12/04/2017 21:51

Get one of those strip adaptors and plug it into the power point. Plug in both games, assign one to each child. Tell them if there's any fighting the plug will literally be pulled. Job done.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 13/04/2017 02:04

He's seen the arguments too. I think he just forgets

As if! He just doesn't have to put up with the fall out so can play Disney dad/good cop.
Stop tolerating it.

Self-employment is no excuse for not parenting or providing childcare for your own kids. Perhaps he should become an employee so he can use paid holidays?

ApplePaltrow21 · 13/04/2017 02:19

so you only want to hear people who validate exactly what you think?

no wonder he's passive aggressive...

SpareASquare · 13/04/2017 02:44

How about teaching them to play nicely together rather than just throwing out the cause of the fighting. If they want it, they learn to play with it together, otherwise they don't have it anymore. Get a grip and sort out the real issue.

Having said that, I don't think he should have undermined you the way he did.

WankingMonkey · 13/04/2017 02:57

Tonight, DH home, I gather the second set up and go to put it in there cupboard with the other but its empty.

It WASNT the second set.
This is confusing me a bit. If you gathered the second set up, then obviously the one they had wasn't the second set, as they had it already and you just gathered up the second?! Unless I am reading this wrong.

If you don't want them to have them, chuck them out. Its stupid to keep hiding them with no intention of letting them be used.

londonrach · 13/04/2017 03:19

You need to use this toy to teach them to play well together. Yabu re throwing it away. Sounds like they love it. Dh needs to be on board with you on this.

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