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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He is said its a minor thing, I went ballistic. How would you feel?

162 replies

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 12/04/2017 19:31

My husband and I have what I consider a very happy healthy relationship, it is however very long term and has its moments. Recently its been great.

Tonight was a huge argument out the blue. Which was very much from my angry perspective.

We have two boys (nearly) 6 and 10, we own two Scalextric's. Owned them for a few years, a second one DH bought home in November 2016. Our children always have massive arguments over these, and I stopped the first game for sometime before the next one was introduced. That was no better despite loads of chances, plenty of games etc.
It ends in rows every. Single. Time.

If DH hadn't provided them, id have chucked them. Instead I resort to hiding them under the beds at the very back.

Last night, DC2 asked to get the Scalextric out 2 mins before bed. I said no way! I then took it out the room and said to DH "No way are they having this, I've never once known them to play it happy together! Its leaving this house, I absolutely hate it."

I put it outside the front door, 10 mins later changed my mind as it was something Dh provided and hid it in the cupboard by the front door, they would never look there.

We all go to bed.
It pays to mention here that I'm the one that's off with the children all school holidays. Not him.

He gets up and goes to work. I wake up at 7am to two screaming arguing children.
They are screeching and fighting over the fucking Scalextric!

I figure they found the second shitty old one at the back of the bed gathering dust. I tell them its gone tonight and never again.

Tonight, DH home, I gather the second set up and go to put it in there cupboard with the other but its empty.

It WASNT the second set. DH undermined me in the morning, took the Scalextric out the cupboard before the kids were awake and put it back in their room.

he game some bullshit excuse that his tools didn't fit, but the tools weren't even bastard in there.

I went absolutely apeshit. Its ME that had to referee these kids, ME that explained how hellish it was when the toy was around yet HE decided to fuck me over anyway?!I

I'm still SO angry.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 13/04/2017 04:01

You need to teach them to play together

Oh please!

There are some things that are flash points. Tell me that you never stopped the Xmas Monopoly game because there is a row? Or that Scrabble always ends with the board being chucked because of the arguments of someone insisting that because "twerking" is now in the OED it should be allowed.......

We have this with a particular game on the PS3. They can play together very well on every other video, board and garden game they play except this particular one. So I binned it.

They play together and there are no flash points because this game is now gone.

The issue isnt 2 kids who cant play together but a husband who thinks it ok to undermine his wife. I would have wanted to smack him in his guilty smiley face with the sodding box.

mylaptopismylapdog · 13/04/2017 05:07

I think he should agree that as he's the one who bought it he should play with it with them and only play with him, he could then perhaps see what causes the conflict and help them avoid it. The fact that he's bought it for them twice suggests either he wanted one as a child or he had one and enjoyed it. If this was possible you might get a little peace for yourself!

WamBamThankYouMaam · 13/04/2017 05:08

I think it's bizarre to hide childrens toys from them. I think it's wrong to moan about them arguing over it, teach them to share or play with them.

And if you speak to your husband the way you're speaking to people here then I can't blame him really for being passive aggressive. The fact it made him smile says a lot.

EasterRobin · 13/04/2017 05:40

I'm with you OP. Parents are supposed to back each other up. And certainly not make things more difficult for the other one! I'd be livid.

I'm another vote for keep the toy but it can only be played with when Daddy is in the room playing with them.

Howlongtilldinner · 13/04/2017 05:58

Your DH was wrong, as you say he knew what he was doing. Probably seeing the Scalextric in the first place made you shudder, then when you saw what DH had done, it magnified the problem, so you 'lost it', I'd say that's pretty normal with two youngsters home all day.

Scalextric is incredibly competitive, just watch 'daddies' play itHmm
Let it be DH and DC 'quality time' together gameGrin

Toffeewhirl · 13/04/2017 06:01

DoItTooJulia - this is the article you're thinking of (by the man who said his wife left him because he didn't put his cups in the dishwasher).

Sorry - your DH owes you an apology. He shouldn't have put the toy back in the boys' room.

elkegel · 13/04/2017 06:04

I'd make a rule that they can only play it when DH supervises and preferably, while mum goes to the gym or whatever else you want to do out of the house.

HappyJanuary · 13/04/2017 06:04

When I was pregnant with DS1, Scalextric was one of the things DH couldn't wait to share with his son - along with football and lightsabres.

I think a lot of dads have fond memories of playing with a set as a child, and your dh feels strongly enough to have bought a second set.

It's a cool toy and I think it's ridiculous to try to stop them playing with it. Either find a way to use both sets or ignore the arguing, or use the opportunity to teach them how to play better.

My dc are teens now and I work full time through the school holidays. Looking back to the times when they were little and I was a sahm I could cry, I didn't realise it then but it was the happiest time of my life. I would give anything now to go back and spend school holidays with my little ones while they squabbled.

I suspect your dh thinks you are unreasonable and overreacted, that you ought to be able to manage the situation, that you're lucky to be at home, and feels strongly enough to go against you on this one.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/04/2017 06:21

I can see why you're annoyed op but your anger seems OTT. Disproportionate.

KitKats28 · 13/04/2017 06:49

What is it about Scalextric that turns normal children into howling feral beasts? Mine were only allowed to play with it upstairs where I couldn't hear them killing each other.

TheNaze73 · 13/04/2017 06:53

Massive overreaction on your part

Chloe84 · 13/04/2017 07:08

Nup. Never said they 'had a set each'. Quite the opposite. Read the OP. I hated the first set, so it was hidden, along came a second..... It was hidden....

W
If you have two sets, then logically each DC could have a set to play with. As floggingmolly said, you think people are missing point, even though you didn't say until much later that there's only one powerpoint. But you could get a multi socket extension or have them play the sets in different rooms.

Regardless, it's not acceptable for dh to play good dad and leave you with squabbling kids.

Bluntness100 · 13/04/2017 07:16

You "accidentally"called someone's mum a cunt? How does that even happen?

I think to classify this as him "fucking you over" is a major over reaction.

Honestly you sound like you have your own anger management issues. Maybe try to lead by example for the kids.

Goingtobeawesome · 13/04/2017 07:24

One kit each in separate rooms, surely you have a plug socket in each room..?

eddielizzard · 13/04/2017 07:29

he was totally in the wrong.

if he's so desperate for that game then he has to play it with the kids. they aren't allowed to play it if he isn't there supervising. that would be my rule.

MsGameandWatch · 13/04/2017 07:29

Sort out another safe power point? I honestly don't understand why this is such a big deal.

Ceto · 13/04/2017 07:32

So what was his excuse? I assume he had some explanation?

Believeitornot · 13/04/2017 07:36

There are some things that are flash points. Tell me that you never stopped the Xmas Monopoly game because there is a row? Or that Scrabble always ends with the board being chucked because of the arguments of someone insisting that because "twerking" is now in the OED it should be allowed.......

Yes but whatever it was wasn't thrown away as a result. I have a brother and we fought like cat and dogs. Throwing away the toy doesn't solve the problem - it's like a grown up civilised version of are tantrum.

Believeitornot · 13/04/2017 07:37

If I leave my 4 and 5yo alone together to play unsupervised then the 5yo deliberately makes the 4yo cry so I will come back and pay attention to him. Not sure how that fits into the 'Let them learn how to behave' paradigm but there you go

The issue is that your eldest wants your attention, not that they can't play together...

whattodowiththepoo · 13/04/2017 07:46

"I went absolutely apeshit."
Why? Did you lose control or choose to act like this?

HashiAsLarry · 13/04/2017 07:56

You have my sympathies OP. We've had the train tracks incident here, and I can see a scalextric one in the future. I've noticed that for DH its important to have these things for this kids more than it is for the kids to have them. He's also more happy for me to be the nasty parent than him. Does my head in when he doesn't have to deal with them all day.

QueenOlivine · 13/04/2017 08:04

What PPs have said about keeping it, but making it his responsibility. Stay calm and tell them all you hate the fighting over the scalextric, but you don't want to bin it. Instead it comes out only when H is in charge and you are either out or off relaxing and have nothing to do with it. If he wants them to play with it, he can supervise and deal with the rows - every single time.

He did undermine you and he knew it, and I would have been mad too. But just repeatedly hiding the scalextric / him buying another / you getting mad is causing you loads of stress and doesn't solve the issue.

Original poster
SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 13/04/2017 08:07

For all of those suggesting that I teach them to play together. That I take it away when they argue and leave it a week and if they argue leave it 2 weeks....

I kinda thought my original post would show that's exactly what I'd done. We've owned the first one for a few years I have lost count how many times I've given them chances to 'play nice together'. They have never not once played nicely together with this particular toy.

But because you judged my parenting slightly there, I feel I need to defend myself by saying that my children get on incredibly well most of the time. They have little spats but it doesn't last long. They played in the garden together yesterday all afternoon.
I care not for a bastard scalextric that turns my nice kids into arseholes.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 13/04/2017 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov17 · 13/04/2017 08:32

Don't bin it. Teach them that they have to play nicely. We have similar with x box : 2 ds's, one at secondary, one at primary. I regularly warn them : "play in it one at a time. But also you have to learn to play together. If you can't, I'll turn it off."
Repeat. infinitum Wink and repeat. Drives me to distraction ....