Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Fortuna it's great FB man apologised but I think I would be just a little bit wary after that reaction. Hopefully it's nothing though.

Mr Web stayed over last night. Think we are both smitten

Pavonia and anyone else interested in FB people you may know:

Interesting update. I just created a brand new Gmail account and a brand new Facebook account linked to that. A guy at work searched me, clicked all over my profile.

I then looked at mine and he didn't appear anywhere. I have no people you may know, no sign of the guy at work. It may just not come through quickly or something anymore.

Four of us at work are pretty baffled because we're all convinced we've seen this happen ourselves!!

So at this moment anyway, Pavonia is right, the person isn't showing. I have no problem admitting when I am wrong.

Pavonia, it you want us to conduct the test, drop me a PM and we can try it. Wouldn't harm to perform two tests to be a little more conclusive :)

Maybe they only rebuild the graph database indexes overnight or something, info.. it's probably not an instant search, it runs as a chron job and caches the 'people you may know' thing instead of a dynamic query.

Ooh, get me :)

That is a possibility for sure, I was surprised though that I'd seen this work almost instantly before hence thinking it worked in real time.

Info sounds like you've got it covered.

I think the anecdotal stuff comes about because real life is more complicated. I'm prepared to believe that if you are a friend of a friend and therefore in the pool of people that might come up as a potential friend, then a profile view might trigger that to happen.

Let us know if anything comes up.

I'd echo being wary. Facebook isn't private, I don't have my DD in my profile/cover photos due to this. Also haven't added some ppl as friends for that reason. My restricted list for posts is complicated enough for me!

Didn't sound arsey at all to me about Facebook! Just got me a bit worried

I'll check it again tomorrow, see if anything changes :)

I've just had a mysterious text saying hi, how are you? I assume it's from someone I gave my number to and probably had a date with but I've then deleted from my contacts.
I don't like being rude and ignoring them but I'm wary of replying as I don't know who it is. Should I reply with a general I'm ok, how are you? Or ignore it?

I would just say "sorry who is this?"
If you dont have their number, you obviously stopped talking at one point.
Once you find out who it is you can then decide whether you want to continue talking. Or just ignore it.

Search the number on facebook ha. It might show you who it is

Runny I hope it's someone nice!

Is anyone else having trouble with OKCupid. Annoyingly I was trying to reply to a guy and it failed. Now I can't get back in.

Hi all... really enjoying the thread so far. Interesting about FB... I quite often have a good nosey around & never realised I might show up as 'someone you may know'. Never been called out on it though but has certainly made me think twice about doing it again!

So I took the advice of Bants, and runnymummy (thanks guys!) Dropped a humorous msg to the guy I hadn't heard from since last week. He msg'd straight back, and long story short we met again last night! Pleased to report it went well, and we're planning on seeing each other again soon

One thing I'm interested to know is how many people you speak to / message at the same time whilst dating? I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket but I like this guy so think I might come off the sites and see what happens, although we haven't spoken about doing this yet & I know he's still on there. What do you think?

Dudette - I would keep your options open until you commit and have the exclusive conversation! I'm talking to several at the moment and having 1st/2nd dates.

dudette that's great news. Hope your next date goes well. I hid all my profiles after date 2 with Mr Gym because I like him a lot and we had arranged date 3. It didn't feel right to be messaging anyone else.
But that's just me and the connection I felt with him.
I'd never got past date 1 with anyone else. So previously I had been chatting with 2 or 3 men at the same time. I actually got chatting with Mr Gym while sitting in a car park waiting for a date that never happened.

Mystery text man has replied. It was someone who seemed nice but got annoyed when I didn't reply to his messages quickly enough. So I had told him he should find someone less busy and more available than me.

I'm only capable of speaking to one person at a time, I just forget what I've said otherwise and don't wanna be saying the same thing twice to someone as that's probably obvious.

Plus I tend to be a terrible little over invester who counts on one thing too much 😂

The way I do online dating is that I'll try to start several conversations at once, and carry on several if several people respond, then get more and more interested in one person because they're more interesting and funnier than the others. If things go well, I'll meet them.

Once I've reduced the lot down to one, I won't try and initiate conversations with anyone else, as it's just too much effort to try and remember what I've said to whom.

I'd rather see if this thing pans out than keep many plates spinning. If that one doesn't work, I'll go back to the beginning, once I've decided it's got no future and tactfully withdrawn.

I'm sick of starting hundreds (literally) conversations that never go anywhere. Urgh! Why like / swipe right if you won't talk back to me?

I'm attractive, pleasant, well educated, good job with nice photos up, a good blurb etc

Oh loads just vanish. It's one of the most irritating things about online dating.
I appear to have a date three with attractive Mr M & S. We haven't kissed yet so I'll see if there's a spark. Date 1 with another guy Fri, just coffee. I ended things with a guy this week because of a couple of niggles. Basically he was too keen and a couple of things made me cringe.
A guy messaged me today and it made me laugh. He was ten years my senior (if he was being honest). He wanted no tattoos, a woman with a car who can drive. He was able to accept single parents but only if the youngest was over 4 and they had fewer than two children. ETC. He was so arrogant. We all have things we want in a partner, but he actually said 'I'd be prepared to date you if you have fewer than two kids.' Not being up myself but I have many men who would like to date me and I definitely wouldn't be interested in him! The cheek of it!

But loads just vanish in real life too. It's one of those things about online dating that is really just artificial.

When I was younger and went to the pub, or parties, or clubs, I'd have lots of conversations with strangers, or friends of friends. Sometimes just a few words, sometimes chatting much more. Sometimes they were single, sometimes I was, sometimes we both were. But it didn't have this loaded quality. And we were both also talking to other people at the same time, and our friends, and the barman.

Now, on OD, we can't see those other things happening so we overinvest and get annoyed when other people drop us, while also not worrying too much when we're distracted by someone else and drop other people

It's a social forum and we've got to not take it too seriously until we've actually met a person, more than once. Until then anyone we talk to is just pixels on a screen

Faronthe he does sound arrogant but I am just as fussy as him (though I wouldn't put it in writing), I wouldn't date someone who couldn't drive or someone with young children.

It's the putting it in writing. Also the assumption that I'd want to date him!! He was really not in any way my type. I don't like lists of requirements. It's online dating, not online shopping.

Yep that's a good way of looking at it actually bant

I hate the 'assuming you want to date them' thing too. I have had people say 'please can you send me some more photos so I can decide if I want to date you?' and it's always really unattractive men that assume you want to date them.

I think I'm going to have a rest from OLD for a while. Feel really irritated!

New iron tonight, sounds almost completely normal.

I would just like to say "Dear POF user - there is a world between 'War and Peace' and 'just ask'. HTH" :)