Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

OutToGetYou

Would anyone message someone that has changed something quite key in their profile?

I saw someone nice local but she has no kids and her profile used to say she was looking for someone with no kids.

She'd changed her profile picture so I'd clicked on her tonight, saw it was her but she'd taken that line out of her profile.

It's obviously the way she feels though so would you even bother messaging even though it's gone now?

I don't know Info people have an ideal but parameters change and that is allowed. I'd message her if you like the look of her. Don't mention it to start with but bring it up a few messages in. You'd need to do it in a way that didn't look like you'd been staking her though!

Just message her info and drop it into conversation that you have kids fairly early and scope out her feelings on it...don't mention the fact she took it out of her profile that would be creepy!

Really need someone to talk me down! I posted earlier this week about lovely 2nd date wth Irish guy and his sweet text the next day (or should I say the morning of ) we have texted about general chat and also seeing each other again but as I had my wisdom teeth op this week I couldn't say when I'd be recovered and he knew I was in hospital for it yesterday. I'm just getting a bit nervous because we were texting late on Tuesday night then my last text which he received early weds has gone unanswered--- but to be fair there were no questions in it and it would be a logical conversation stop esp given it was sent late. As I haven't said when I could next see him he hasn't asked again. (Realistically can't see him til next Tuesday now at the earliest) It's now Thursday, we were texting late Tuesday. Should I be worried?! We literally met a week ago I feel like it should not necessarily be daily texting at this super early stage? Really like him so I'm just over thinking! Last text I jokily said something about him thinking of an idea for our next date so best case scenario he will be back relatively soon suggesting something..? Arghhh.

Molly would you say that by you not hearing anything on Wednesday, his texting 'pattern' has changed from what it was before? I think that's the best indicator. Not time of day or frequency per se, but if it is going along texting in a certain pattern and then that changes, that's when I start to think things are sliding.

I had this with Mr Planes a few weeks ago. I sent him another message asking if he wanted to carry on and he read then ignored it. At least then I knew.

It was good because I since met The lush Mr Web, who is wonderful and way better for me on many levels. I wouldn't have been looking if Mr Planes had kept messaging me.

I'd send him another message today and if no reply, give it up as a lost cause

Princess As he knows about your op he may be giving you some space, but I would hope that he would drop you a line some time today to ask how you are doing. As you've only met him twice try not to over think it.

I agree with LosingDory about the message info

Ditto what OnceMoreIntoTheBleach advised Molly. I've been texting daily with Mr Xbox and Mr D (no idea what other nickname to go with) until Tuesday which was the last I heard from Mr Xbox.

Getting really fed up of sensing "nice" reasons no on POF, can see why ppl just don't bother replying to messages. If I say sorry, you're too far away then don't argue you aren't! I picked the nicest, least personal reason, there were others and I was tempted to reply back and list them. Sleep deprivation does not improve my mood/patience. I blocked instead.

Ok good advice, it's worth mentioning again I did dtd wjth him already (though he was back in touch the next day so not ghosting) I'm worried my last msg might have sounded too flippant or something. I get the sense he needs a bit of encouragement as he's quite shy and in hindsight my message (in response to a compliment from him) might have seemed a bit too jokey

Definitely send another message then molly Good luck!

Buckets I know what you mean about giving a reason and then getting argued at! I stopped replying if I didn't like the look of them for whatever reason. I'm not obliged to reply. Plenty didn't reply to me! It goes against basic manners but it seems to be the best way.

A PoF question... if someone claims they've 'hidden' their account, but is still visible to someone they've previously chatted to and has a green dot on their profile... am I right in thinking they're a lying arse and haven't hidden/deleted their profile at all?

littlemiss - the green dot means they're online. I'm not sure if you can tell if someone has hidden their profile if you've chatted to them. Maybe create a fake account and see if you can see them?

It's definitely good advice to look for a change in texting pattern. I dated the gorgeous Mr Cardigan who kissed me passionately, stroked my hair and face, kissed my neck and told me what an amazing date he'd had. Was keen to meet after a minor op he was having, texting loads. Then stopped initiating texts but was replying immediately when I texted with questions etc. I just let that one drop. He's not met someone else as he's still on apps. Bizarre.

I think if they have hidden their account people who have previously messaged them can see them. If he is showing up online I would suspect he hasn't hidden his account, if he had why would he still be going on there? If I hide my account it's because I am seeing someone but not quite sure if I want to commit, I wouldn't be going online until I want to start looking for someone else.

That makes a lot of sense lovemusic. Though if you hide your account you can obviously still chat to people you have already made connections with.
Mr M and S has asked me when I'm next free for date three. So that will be exciting. I like him. Not sure if there's a spark but I'll know when I kissed him.

Does anyone rate pof? I've been using bumble and okc at the moment.

Right but I'm not sure we had even established a texting pattern. We literally met for the first time a week ago today. Date 2 was 3 days later expedited by the fact that I wouldn't really be around this week. So when he said he had a nice time after date 1 and I explained the situation we texted to arrange date 2 on Sunday then didn't really need to speak between then and Sunday.
Over thinking it maybe?! I just don't know if there was a pattern to change per se

Everyone I talk to at the moment wants to come to my flat for the first date. Even if we've been chatting for weeks I wouldn't feel safe having someone I don't know in my flat.

My brother says this is normal. But I don't feel comfortable with it. Can't we have a Diet Coke in a public place? It's not safe

No that isn't normal. I would refuse to meet anyone who suggested that. At best it's lazy, thoughtless and cheap. At worst it's dangerous.

I have had people to my house for a first date in the past but I try not to encourage it anymore, much easier to meet somewhere for a coffee or a walk. Mr Beard keeps dropping hints about coming to mine, we have been talking for a while but I think I will suggest that we meet somewhere near by and see how things go, he's also planning on spending a whole day with me first time we meet which scares me a little, what if we don't click?

I wouldn't have anyone back to my place until I knew there would be a future IYSWIM?

I don't like the idea of a bloke suggesting that, to me that just equals them wanting sex.

Lovemusic33 the thought of a whole day would horrify me! I would also think what if we don't click, it's a long time to spend with someone and even if you have a backup get out, you might feel guilty using it.

God I feel a bit sad. I've just done something really insensitive. I ended a short but intense thing with Mr Pastries and we were still following each other on insta. I noticed he liked a food pic I put up and then unliked it and unfollowed me. It's because a day ago I put up an online dating related post, just a funny message I'd got. I've obviously hurt him. I'm stupid and insensitive. And he was a lovely man. My behaviour towards him has been confusing.

Mr Scientist has been on whatsapp - but hasn't replied to me for 2 days.

Mr M and S does that to me sometimes. He's genuinely just busy, but I guess it depends how often they are on WhatsApp.