Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Stubborn I had the same with my ex, I have given up arguing with him about it, I have asked him to do something with the kids when he has them and he says 'oh, I can't do that as new girlfriend is with us', he only sees the dd's for a few hours each weekend. Anyway, I don't say anything anymore.

Occupying the moral high ground sucks . But what are you going to do- go "Well, I'll just descend to your level and have my new man around all the time and prioritise him over the DC, shall I?" Pthththt.

It's hard Stubborn but every time I see his new girlfriend I just think 'thank god someone's taken him off my hands' , she's welcome to him and tbh she's ok with the kids so I complain, it's not her fault that he's a twat. I just can't be bothered wasting my breath moaning anymore, it's up to him what he does on the one day he has them.

My ex moved in in with his new woman (term used very loosely) six months after we split. She's our teenage sons now ex friends mum!! All the time he has son is spent with her and her three kids. I feel so sorry for our son and have told his dad he wants more time on his own with him but it never happens.

So, as expected, Beardy says he made a mistake. I'm not sure I care. He didn't have any history with this other woman and he still chose her over me. I don't want to be anyone's Plan B...

My ex has a 16yo son. He and I are still in the house together until I move.

While were together the mother never had the son, literally never overnight, even though ex goes away for work quite a bit and I am out of the house 14 hours a day. Suddenly, now we're not together and I have said son is not to be in the house on his own, nor am I to be 'relied' dumped upon, suddenly he is at his mother's nearly all the time and ex is swanning around somewhere else - presumably with a new gf. He's been away without his son the last three weekends.
Lovely, isn't it?

God I wish I could move!

I can echo same experience. My DCs never get 1:1 time with their dad and he doesn't even try to hide the fact that GF comes first. It's hard to see them upset and I wish he'd stop acting like he was doing me a favour when he has them and appreciate them.

Pringle perhaps ignore beardy and indecisive RLhunk and go fishing again? New fish may be in the pond?

pringle Beardy is a shit head and would continue to be a shit head if you were in a relationship with him. I'd seriously cut him off if I were you, he's not good enough for you. Just stop talking to him

Hear hear what LosingDory said.

I was out last night, got in about 3:30 this morning, no plans for the day so could lie in, I was up by 1 and felt bad for staying in bed for so long! So, I would be about someone only getting up at 1:30.

I have had my first OLD first date tonight. We met for drinks at a bar, talked lots, he gave me a lift home and walked me to the door. Didn't get any further physically than hugging, he sent me a message just after. I think he was trying not to be pushy so letting me take the lead. Not sure if I should have just gone for it!

Thanks for being so blunt, LosingDory. I think I needed to hear that!

LanaDReye, I'm rather hoping to find a new fish in RL. Going to/organising a few events in the next few weeks and the more time you spend around people, the more opportunities you make for meeting irons - either existing contacts or friends of friends. Getting out there and keeping an open mind!

Also upping my exercise. I'm not changing how I look (Biddylee is so right about how we all deserve to be loved how we are, without changing) but it might give me some more confidence. I'm feeling quite confident at the moment, but a bit of extra swagger from hitting the gym never hurt anyone!

Thanks, Allthembuckets.

That sounds like it went amazingly well for your first ever OLD first date. Well done on putting yourself out there - the first one is always the hardest! It sounds like a second date (and a snog) is on the cards?

Whether you kiss on the first or second date depends on what feels right. However, if you haven't kissed by the third date, it's not going anywhere.

Pringle I'm sure many people have made his mistake of choosing the wrong person but it's bloody cheeky to then expect the other person to then take you back (for another date) knowing that they were 2nd best. Ignore him and find someone else.

What do i do here? I was going to meet someone today.
We got on well, had a lot in common. He smokes weed which wouldnt be a problem if it was every now and then, but it is daily. I told him i had a problem it was daily but i carried on regardless.
Then another red flag cropped up - he said when he has his kids over he doesnt need to do anything as they just play in their tablets. Theyre under the age of 10.
The other red flag was that he said he has lots of female friends. He isnt the jealous type and expects a partner to be the same. All well and good but...he seems to spend the night at these friends houses from time to time. In a relationship, as much as i can and would accept female friends. I dont think i could honestly say id accept sleep overs at their houses.

Ive backed out of todays date. With genuine reason, thankfully. Only i think its a good thing. What do i do? Just nothing?

Nipples I'd let that one go. I've dated more addicts than you can shake a stick at and they don't change unless they want to...

Good to stick to what you want - compromise should be about agreeing to differ on musical tastes and not things key to your values such as how they treat their kids.

Nipples to be honest he sounds awful. I would end messaging with him and look for someone else.

I messaged my date from yesterday this morning, but I haven't heard back even though he is shown as online. So that is probably that. I'm not sorry I messaged as the downside of not messaging is greater and I don't subscribe to the view that the woman should wait for the man to ask for a second date.

I'm messaging someone new but it seems like he has a thing for older women (old than me) and I'm not sure what to make of that.

A guy from last week has just got back to me, but I can't help wondering why no message at the weekend.

A guy on Happn with a tiny photo message me. I asked why no proper photo of his face. His answer was that he was new and was seeing what is was like. Blocked.

I've got a date this evening. I don't know that much about him. I agreed partly because he was local and it will be easier to chat than message.

This could be a full time job. I think I will ignore everything now until 5pm.

I'm with the others, Nipples I'd not do anything.

From my end FunnyPerv hasn't replied to my reply to him and another guy sent a second message spitting the dummy because I hadn't replied to his first. So he's blocked.

I will do my best with this (though it will require regular cajoling/ arse kicking) but I'm already in "this is a waste of time/I'll either meet someone IRL or have to accept being single for the rest of my life" headspace.
Thus I shall go and have a word with myself and wish you all fab days and great dates.

Oh and also: turns out I know Info IRL!!!! His tattoo outed him

I decided not to see mryouth again, nice guy, but nothing in common. I've decided to give dating a rest for about 6 weeks, I've deleted my accounts, feeling good about it. I think I was just chatting to people for the sake of it. Not had a break from it since I started, 6 weeks with mrmountainbike, then 8 weeks with mrchef, then the last 2 weeks chatting with different people. No bad experiences, but need to take breath! I'll be watching you all interest

As if someone I know would be in this thread, such a small world!!!

Wingle I've only had short break since Aug. I was going to, but then thought I would try one more 'round' before having a break. I now have 2 on What's App and another number if I want to move him across. I quite like one but I'm not being overly optimistic. Be interesting to know if a break helps.

Nipples I dated an addict and it tends to consume their lives. I would avoid in the future.

Cover it is a number's game and the more talking the more chance of meeting a potential partner wish it could be cracked easily but hasn't for me .

Thanks pringlecat yes, I would expect it to reach the kissing stage by date 2! I just wish I wasn't so unsure e.g. is a 2nd date going to happen as we haven't arranged one but were messaging last night and have been this morning. Basically, I need a metaphorical slap

Nipplesunited that's too many red flags. The weed and how he treats his kids would be deal breakers for me.

What is it with the impatience to reply to messages? I had that 3 minutes after the first message! It just meant I didn't bother replying at all. I try to (I know what it's like to not receive a response), despite the fact that most then try and argue "it's not that far" and a few have said thanks for replying. Got some messages on POF to go through but I don't think I can juggle multiple irons, so might hide my profile.

I keep scaring men off with my sharp intellect! Hey ho.

Nipples - I would hate that, I'd just move on.

I've had guys message me every three minutes with increasing 'hey miss chatty' to 'oi' etc when I've never replied to them. They can sod off, unless they say something interesting, what's the point anyway? I'm not 15 wanting a snapfacechattweetbook conversation for months.

Then I have others who only message once every few days. That's no good either, I'm never going to find out anything about them. And these ones seem to be the ones who just throw questions at me, like 'what do you do for a living then' and 'what are you looking for on POF' - no real connection, feel like I'm on trial!

I think i will just ignore.

I was talking to someone the other day and he kept adding in "oi oi. Naughty nor T" just randomly. There was no way i could carry on a conversation without throwing obscenities his way.
There are some right odd bods. Its a case of filtering constantly before someone is even chat material lol

Nipple I would run for the hills, he sounds like my last partner, he had 'female friends' and did nothing with his kids, he ended up cheating with me and I found lots of sex chat on his phone with his so called 'female friends' (more him pestering them for sex and them telling him to f*ck off).

So I change my profile slightly on POF, was getting fed up of people clicking on 'meet me' which is a waste of time as I don't pay for the feature. So I put in my profile 'please don't click on meet me as I don't have it, please message me or favourite me and I will message you'. So last night someone favourited me but I'm not sure if I should message him, he's ten years older than me but looks a lot olde (maybe lying about his age) and he obviously likes heavy metal and gaming, not really my thing but he has a friendly face, all his kids have grown up and left home and he's local.

Love I wouldn't rule someone out for just 10 years or music choice. Why not try a brief conversation?

I'm cheating and have a 'cut and paste' about me, which ends "how about you?". Speeds things up!

I think the meet me feature is pretty good. Without paying for it. If its a mutual like you can see it.

Yep i think i will definitely avoid. He has asked to arrange another meet and i havent responded.