Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Quick question to tinder users: I know you can't see when someone was last active any more but does their location only update when they are using the app?

Totally the right response polar He should have been setting an alarm & jumping out of bed excited about date 2. What a knob.

Thanks Pavonia I really should have been able to work that one out, shouldn't I? 😉

Biddy awww thanks and glad I cheered you up. In all honesty I didn't realise OKC had the reputation for being kinky (finally RTFT and saw Bant has likened it to Nandos, which is somewhere I try to avoid.....) I chose it as I thought it had more "creative" types and my US mates love it. Plus I'd tried it before. Admittedly when Labour were last in power. Hmmmm.

I was on GSM recently but very VERY half arsedly as I'd ended things with last bloke but it was sort of limping on . There's £70 I'll not see again 🙄 I have paid 3 months on OKC now so I'm going to wring every last penny out of it......

.......Which leads on to Out and Runny: I really really struggle with making the first move. It's not something I've ever really done (in fact if I fancy someone I tend to give off strong "don't come anywhere near me" vibes).
I guess it's the fear of rejection and at my age and size that is superfuckingstrong, argh.
In fact I've got a Q about that, but I'll save it for another day or this post will require so much scrolling you'll all get RSI.
But yeah, I know it's not the 1950s anymore and me running around OKC going "Chase Me!!!" like Duncan Norvelle isn't going to expedite my next relationship.

Lana thanks! I'm an optimist (which is why I'm trying OLD) but I'm also a fatalist, which can make me a bit......passive.

Mumfun scammers on OKC? Tell me more....?

Oh and the mutual like FunnyButPervy messaged me, so I've replied. And liked another guy that's liked me. Plus I've received another badly punctuated message telling me his name, age and star sign, that's it. I have no idea how to respond to that. So I won't.

That was a megapost and a half, sorry!

Lana I think dating more than one at a time is a good idea, means you won't over invest too soon and it's 'keeping your options open'. I wish I had enough irons to multi date.

Chatting to one person today, not sure how I managed to click on his profile but he lives in Newcastle and I live almost as far south as you can get. He obviously saw that I looked at his profile and messaged me straight away, not sure why I bothered relying as it will never happen.

coverme I have two approaches to messaging first.
Either treat it like applying for jobs. Set yourself a target of how many messages, grit your teeth and just work your way through them. Then sit back and wait for all those fantastic responses.
Plan b is find a friend, with a bottle of wine or two and go through the profiles together. I find my married friends love doing this and are more than happy to write messages on my behalf.

I had a nice date this morning, although I'm not sure if he has the potential for more than a short term relationship due to some practical issues. For the first time I would be disappointed if he doesn't want to see me again. It seemed to go well but he might just be polite. I can be quite reserved so I am afraid that I may have seemed insufficiently interested. I'm really hoping he messages me today or first thing tomorrow. I might message him tomorrow if I haven't heard from him.

Luckily I've got a date tomorrow to distract me although I'm not optimistic about that one.

Quick question, if you'd messaged someone you'd been seeing for a couple of months asking if they were free tomorrow and they replied "hope so honey" how would you respond?

De-lurking to ask a question
Lana I agree with your plan to date in multiples, keeping your options open. Do you plan to let them know you're doing this or keep it to yourself? I used to multiple date and was quite open about it and the last time, I had four blokes on the go. When asked I was honest and said there were others, one got quite upset about it and demanded I choose him. One went ape-shit calling me slut etc so I had to block him and another ghosted me. The other one eventually faded away. So I'm a bit hesitant to go down that path again

melody2967

That would frustrate me because I'd want a yes or no reply

I would reply and say: I was thinking it would be nice to catch up and see you for a drink or something, what do you think?

If no reply I'd assume either other plans, not in the mood to see me or too skint to see me.

Or is that too pushy,?

Turns out Mr Scientist was too hungover to see me.

Still not engaging with him!

Melody that is an odd reply, does he usually call you Honey? Had he had a few drinks maybe? I think I would carry on and suggest whatever I had been thinking of.

Nurse perhaps it depends how long it continues for and whether you are sleeping with them. I'm new to this but I can imagine seeing people 2 or 3 times whilst dating others but beyond that I think I would want to be dating someone exclusively unless it was clear to all that it was a very casual or short term relationship.

It's actually a friend I'm asking for, I personally would make sure I had other plans but she seems content to wait till tomorrow to see if he gets in touch to say he's free, just wondering about a response I could give her as she hasn't replied yet

I was intending to multi date but wildcard didn't want me to and I wouldn't much like him to either. Plus I'm sleeping with him, so it'd feel a bit inappropriate I suppose.

I had sex with someone I had a ons with earlier this year, wish I hadn't. It's not what I want. He literally came round did it and left half an hour later, which is fine he's never lied about his intentions, but I felt really down since. I won't do it again I can't detach my emotions.

Anyway chatting to a couple of others, one lives about 90 mins away and says he'll book a hotel near me but this feels pressure what if we don't get on I'll feel I need to spend more time with him. I said we could meet in the middle but he seems opposed to that. Why do you need to stay? It's not that far I don't think. Or why not meet in the middle drive home and not drink?

Nurse I agree with Pav, I don't plan to sleep with a man until I think we have potential and at that point would stop multi-dating. Over the past 9 months I have on 3 occassions moved 3-4 men onto What's App at a similar time (live in city by so lots of singles) then have met one or two for a first date then at date 2 (really 1st proper date), I've messaged others to say I'm not free. I think I've missed the opportunity to meet all the men and ask more questions. Perhaps pace things out further apart. I've worried that I would appear to be a player. I could, however, be honest and say I want to take things slowly, if dropped for that then probably no loss!

Melody and Polar these men don't seem bothered, better to find someone who is?

I wouldn't expect any friend to say 'hope so honey' if asked if they were free, so I wouldn't out up with it from a bloke either.

I would just ignore him from now, see if he responds.

I've just had a guy I've barely exchanged five messages with send me his number, not sure what to do with it, but he says it's better to talk. Doesn't work for me as no mobile signal at all where I live (though could use What'sApp wifi calling). I suppose he might be on WA more than POF.

Out just because he says it's better to talk that doesn't mean that you have to agree.

I forgot to mention that I'm also chatting to someone on Happn, but we are only exchanging messages about once a day which is probably why I forgot! I think it is a classic case of him keeping me on the back burner.

Beardy McBeardface sent me a message and followed up when I didn't reply. I just can't be bothered. I did quite want to be friends with him, but I'm so lacking in energy - I've got a lot going on right now. This is the man who went on a few dates with me and another woman and after seemingly agonising about it, chose her.

Also, even though the younger man decided to make a go of it with his ex, I feel like he raised the benchmark with chemistry and as attracted as I was to Beardy originally, no one has ever been a patch on the younger man.

After the younger man experience, I'm also now secretly hoping someone unexpected from RL will declare his undying love for me and I can ditch OLD.

Pringle can you hint/flirt with MrRLhunk in way that you can step back from if not reciprocated?

LanaDReye There is definitely a mutual attraction between MrRLhunk and I but I suspect the ex he's gone back to is his only significant GF given his age and the length of time they've been together. I don't know about you, but it took me ages to properly break up with my first significant ex because a part of me thought I should find a way to make it work even though it was broken. I shall leave him alone, but if I hear though the grapevine that they've finally ended things, I'll get in touch. We have a mutual friend in common who doesn't realise that the two of us had a moment. Well, many hours.

I'm not necessarily looking for anything with this guy, but he's shown me that I can do better chemistry-wise and I want to find that again with someone. I wouldn't say no if he was single, but I'm not pining for him. I've just realised the difference between "mm, that was nice" and "wow, fireworks".

I'm suddenly greedy and I want fireworks now... It's funny how what you want changes so much through this process of dating. I may still be single, but I feel like I've learned a lot about myself in the past year!

So earlier I said about wanting to chat to a man who I have on my Fb who I met online 2 years ago. So today I liked a few of his posts, I then changed my profile picture and he liked it, then he messaged me , hopefully we will be meeting up in the near future, kind of feels like I know him already, the fact we share a couple friends helps.

I've just read through the last couple of days' posts, and have to remember everything I wanted to add my four penn'orth to now!

Well, I was a bit about Mr Anarchist being a bit too sarcastic and snipy, what with his "whoop de doo" comment about my minor IT achievement, but then yesterday morning he sat me down with him in front of his superior pooter with the Photoshop 'n' everything, and redid my little thing with me, and it looks great now, so..... Also, today he came back to mine for a bit before a day out together, and while I was getting changed, he a) changed the cat litter tray, b) emptied the bin, c) brought the washing in !!! So, no criticism today...

Re: differing hobbies: well, it'll be a cold day in hell before either I get him gardening, or he gets me to play a computer game, but there are other things we like to do together (NOT JUST THAT!), so that doesn't bother me.

I met him on OKC. Not too many gibbering pervs down here I regret to report, although there was a bloke in a dress with a full face of slap as his profile pic (think Grayson Perry, style- wise).

Re: meeting kids: well, I'm in no hurry, but after three months I'm thinking it would be nice for him to visit sometimes in the evenings when the kids are asleep (no overnights yet. Everybody- 2DC and 2 cats- joins me in bed in the mornings!).There's a family event happening pretty much next to his house next weekend, and I'm considering suggesting he comes down and "bumps into" us, super- casually. That way, if DS1 wakes in the evening and sees him, he won't be a complete stranger, IYSWIM?

Lovemusic33 Good luck, Lovemusic33. Is this the local single dad? Do you know the mutual friends from RL? Could be promising.

Oh yes, and just a wee miniature vent..... the DCs' dad has got together with someone. They can't possibly have been together more than 4 months, and she's there- staying over- pretty much every weekend they stay, and last week, when he took the DC to his parents over Easter, I subsequently found out that she'd gone too! I just feel like....."Oh sorry, is 10 nights out of 14 not bloody enough to conduct your burgeoning romance in? Try only having 4 nights out of 14, and actually having some sense of adult responsibility to boot!"

pringle, yes, we have chatted a few times but never got around to meeting up. He has a 4 year old daughter. The friends we have in common are rl friends that I talk too. We have been chatting for over an hour . I'm glad he messaged me as I probably wouldn't have plucked up enough courage.