Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Lana your dating relationships sounds sensible. That you are giving the relationships some time , then realising that they aren't right and moving on.

I'm 36 and I don't date anyone over 40 really. Wildcard is 32. Last bf was 33.

Lana it's no one else's business how many dates or short relationships you've had.

Those of you with older children, do you tell them when you are going on a date with someone new? I don't want to lie to my kids but I'm not sure I want to tell them about every first date either.

I've told them I've got a date this is Sunday because they are with me this weekend. I haven't told them about dates that I have been on or arranged for when they are not around. Generally my preference is to date when they are not here.

What do others do.

Lana sounds completely normal and reasonable to me. You don't have to account for every relationship in detail. You can just say something along the lines that you have been dating for X months, you met a few nice people during that time but they didn't become long term relationships.

MrsRR I would say treat it like a new relationship and do whatever feels right for you.

Age wise I tend to 6 above and 6 below. Of course men my age have our age as the absolute upper end (or just cut off at 45) which is why the temptation to say I'm 40 is bloody huge right now. I know lying isn't a good way to start a relationship but as the likelihood of meeting the next Mr Cover online seems slim to fucking none I'm now thinking to hell with it and at least get a few dinner dates under false pretences before I retire to my bungalow and am found with the cats eating my fly blown corpse.....

Anyhow, I've woken up to a slew of "hey gorgeous/sexy xx" messages (WHY do men think that's appealing??) and a good few likes. Of those there is ONE (1, i, uno) I found attractive with a really funny profile. The rest are low %age matches, have empty profiles, are blatantly lying about their ages/have had very hard lives or have really bad/downright weird photos.

Buoyed up with the heady euphoria of a an 8% strike rate I had a delve into the funny guy's questions. Yep, he likes getting done up the arse/peed on/slapped around in bed. (Far you weren't wrong about OKC 🙄)
I've liked him back anyway, needs must. So I now have three mutual likes, one of which because I swiped the wrong way and don't know how to undo that. If any of them message me I'll report back (can't message first: it's not in my DNA) but I'm not holding my breath.....

CoverMe to unlike someone just click on the star again.

coverme I needed cheering up and your post made me laugh. (I didn't realise that OKC was so detailed about sexual kinks - I presume these can be hidden)

I also like the dinner dates under false pretences idea. Live for the moment! Carpe Diem! (and then get eaten by your cats in a few years time

cover you need to start messaging first. Be the picker not the picked.
Also, if you felt like it, you could set your age lower in the background info (you can't chance that on POF so might need a new profile) which would put you in their searches, then say in your profile that you're older so you're not actually lying?

Thanks Biddy far and Pav I'm glad to hear that I don't sound strange. With your comments I have reflected and know I'm not setting out to just date or have short relationships, it's just how it's panned out so far.

Cover I love your spirit and looking forward to updates from dating experiences.

info I had a similar thing from Tinder saying 7 people liked me. But my profile is hidden. And has been for a few weeks.

Cover message first. You seem like you have a way with words so I'm sure you can find something to say.

Pavonia how old are your children? I don't tell DD (11) although she is a bit suspicious of the increased frequency of babysitters. I think I will tell her about Mr Gym soon if it keeps going. Although I don't want them to meet for a while. Generally I wouldn't say anything until I felt I'd settled into a relationship.

I don't like telling my children unless it's a relationship, but I think it's just personal preference.
DTD with wildcard. It was good

Mine are 15 and 18 which is why I feel a bit of honesty is required but without necessarily telling them everything.

Runny doesn't your DD ask what you are doing when you go out?

Faron glad things are going well. How old are your children?

It makes sense to message first but I do find response rate poor even when I have already been matched or liked.

Pavonia my son is 14 and I'd never told him if I went on a first date be told him when I went on a second. This has only happened with two guys - first one we went out about 5 times but he wasn't right for me and the other I've been kind of seeing for 7 months now. My son has never met him yet as I see him when my sons at his dads and I've not met his daughter (she's 9). I guess at some point we are going to have to meet each other's kids but I just don't feel the rush. Enjoy your date xx

My children are 7, 9 and 11.

Thanks Bluegirl that helps. I will stick to arranging first dates for when my kids aren't around as much as possible. It is a bit tricky as my kids are with me 12 nights out 14.

Pavonia up to about a month ago mine was with me 6 nights a week so only got to see new fella once a week. His dad has started having him an extra night a week so have a couple of nights to myself every week. It's so hard when you have kids and are trying to date.

Just back in from a very lovely long date 3 with Irish Guy. Trying so hard not to overinvest but I like him rather a lot!
We went to a late opening gallery, dinner, drinks, much talking til 2am and then sooo much good sex! More of the same, then went out for coffee and chatted for hours today. Really didn't want to leave. But now I'm thinking- do I wait for him to text me first in the aftermath? I probably should right?

Bluegirl I realise that I have it much easier than some. I don't need babysitters and I do have some time to myself. Part of the reason that I want to date is that I do get lonely when my kids are away, but coordinating my child-free time with the availability of potential dates is sometimes a challenge.

If I started seeing someone regularly it wouldn't be a problem to go out with them when the kids are at home but I don't think they want to see their mum going on an endless series of first dates!

Princess I would have thought that after date 3, and especially a date like that, there is no need to follow any rules about who should text first. But then I hate all the assumptions around male and female roles when dating.

pavonia DD asked a couple of times and I just said I was seeing friends. But she likes having babysitters round. They're all teenagers so she feels grownup with them. Now she wants to know when I'm going out again! But I generally try and date when she's not with me. To avoid questions and the expense of babysitters.

Princess if you want to message him then just do it. I don't go with the rules that say who's turn it is.

I have a second date this evening - going for cocktails - but I have just had a couple of small glasses of prosecco at a lunch event and am now feeling sleepy! Is coffee a good idea? I usually only have one coffee in the morning and don't want to get a headache!

I'd have a coffee quarter-mile. Might give you an energy boost. I'm out for dinner this eve with friends and meeting wildcard again after.

Thanks Far, I think I will have to! Hope you have a lovely evening and best of luck to anyone else on dates.

Glad re all the successful dates. Hope there are many more this weekend

I agree there are lots of doms, swingersand other sexual interests on OKC. But I find it helps me a lot in weeding out people that wouldn't work for me. At least quite a lot of people tell you on there. But the scammers are putting up more photos etc now so harder to weed out.

Have a date on Tuesday. He does good WA and really enjoying chatting to him. Chatting to someone else interesting - but he doesnt have kids so not sure. Dont seem to have much energy at moment for any more.