Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I am however meeting someone later on today who I dated 10 years ago. We matched on tinder without either of us realising who the other was. It only came to me when he mentioned his job/child's name. Then I was like I slept with you 10 years ago!

Anyway just meeting as friends. Not sure if I fancy him now. He was lovely at the time, we just had very different lifestyles. He had a 3 year old dd and I was carefree, childless and very much into travelling/having fun.

Plentyoffishnets - do you think he could be just settling into a less intense phase of the relationship? Maybe all day messaging isn't really sustainable. Maybe he's just more comfortable with you now. I'd ask him if I were you.

I've been seeing someone from Tinder for six weeks now and we don't arrange dates on dates. It's just not feasible until we know the plans for the week. I never doubt there will be another though.

MrsRoland I think my lifestyle may not suit many people either, I'm always quite busy. I think I'm not bad looking, I'm a size 10, I go to the gym and keep reasonably fit, I'm not girly so my photos are not of me wearing make up or wearing a dress but I think look fine without make up.

Mr Beard is now online on whatsapp and POF and has still not opened my message, I am tempted to just block him now as it's obvious he's ignoring me and it's only making me feel worse seeing he's active on whatsapp. Just wish I had another iron to take my mind off of him, usually I have the next one lined up.

pringlecat

Recently I wrote a list of people I dated (long and short term) and the ones that got away and had a long hard think about why things weren't quite right. And i realised that none of them were suitable for me. Maybe us women are more flexible, more forgiving, not so set with our boundaries and give people a chance when they wouldn't do the same for us.

(And ignore the voice in your head going on about your weight - it's trying to find logical answers to why you feel you haven't be chosen - there usually isn't any answers because we shouldn't need to change to be loved.)

For those of you who watch what's app and when your irons are active, is it not worth deactivating where you can see who is on line etc?

I was the same and it's so less stressful to not know.

Well it looks like there's a few of us in the same shit boat!
I also feel like guys see me as ok for something short term and casual, but not as potential partner. Am also financially independent, kids with me all the time. My kids are also mixed race which whilst I do ensure I date guys who don't seem to have a problem with this, I have had friends and family comment about whether new man "knows" so assume they see it as something that could make a guy less keen.
Magnum,I kind of hope that it may be the case that it is just becoming less intense but it would have been good to have discussed that first as is hard to know if it's that or a slow fade.
I agree that with old as you have no common connections, people don't behave as ethically. If only everyone could be honourable!

Has anyone heard from our poster who was going off on holiday to a mystery destination with her guy (that she was a bit unsure of at the last minute??) confused
Hope all went well?!!

Oh yes, that was me . We went to Prague, and it was all very nice. He certainly booked a lovely hotel! It was actually very good to spend several days together; lots of good conversations, which is what I felt I needed at this stage. Not a hint of sarcasm or arsiness; no red flags at all, except for a slightly annoying tendency to shoot off when walking, without waiting for me to catch up .

It's funny, it's when I'm not actually with him, and we're messaging, that I can get annoyed by him. Yesterday, we were talking about something IT - related that I was trying to master- I sent him a link going "Well I believe I did it!" and his reply was "Well, whoop-de-doo" . I pulled him up on it and he apologised, but I shouldn't have to do that, he shouldn't even be like that in the first place IMO. Seeing him tonight- he's cooking dinner, he always cooks for me, does other caring stuff like bringing me coffee in bed in the mornings- and I'm sure it'll be fine when I'm actually with him, but......these little occasional sarcastic barbs are keeping me at a distance. Wonder if that's his intention, subconsciously?

Oh, just got a message on POF from someone who looks half reasonable, shares a few of my interests, looks fit and lives close by (I think). He does have children (I'm not keen on being with someone with young children, I'm guessing by his age that his kids maybe young) but no harm in chatting to him I guess.

I'm struggling to find anyone on POF atractive or interesting.

stubborn glad you had a good time away, not sure what to say about the sarcasm, it depends how much you can put up with, I think any man is going to have a few bad points, the fact that he cooks and brings you coffee in bed has to be a good thing.

I have blocked Mr Beard, if for some reason he wants to contact me (with a rubbish excuse) he will have to contact me through POF. I feel better now I can't see him on whatsapp.

lovemusic Well done on the block...will take your mind off him.

stubborn good to hear your holiday went well. Not sure what to make of the messages. Texts can often be misinterpreted - you mean one thing but someone else reads it another way. Although that example is just rude!

Lovemusic stop watching WA. It's an app designed to make us feel paranoid. As someone else suggested, take yourself off the site you're on now. Try something else - Tinder etc for a couple of weeks. Then go back to the other site. I swapped sites every 3 weeks or so if I felt nothing was happening.
As for being busy - we all are. I've been pulled up on this before and I just answer that yes, I am busy but I'd rather be doing something that sitting around doing nothing. And if I meet someone I like then I will be busy doing things with them.

pringlecat thanks for your comments about Mr Gym. I had a long think about it all last night and came to the conclusion that he has been the one chasing me most of the time.
I have also found a couple of people who know him in RL and they have vouched for him being a nice person but very independent. They weren't surprised that he would panic at the idea of being committed to someone. But they added that they've only known him to be single and having the occasional date and didn't think he was someone to sleep around with lots of women.
I have also been watching him on WA for the last few days and the only time he's on there is when he chats to me. So I haven't seen any evidence that he is messaging anyone else.

Hows u hun

Seriously does anyone reply to that?

Wrong on so many levels!!!

"we were talking about something IT - related that I was trying to master- I sent him a link going "Well I believe I did it!" and his reply was "Well, whoop-de-doo" hmm."

My ex, when I went to tell him I had got a first in my law degree (after 7 years of studying while working full time) said "well, who knew you could get a first just playing Candy Crush Saga all the time" - it's really stuck with me and it was over 2 years ago! There is a time and place for sarcasm and sometimes it's just hurtful. He also while I was studying nagged me constantly about how much I studied, wrote me study plans (that were entirely useless to me - I will point out that he has practically no formal education, so no basis for knowing better than me how to study for a degree), told everyone I didn't work hard enough at it, didn't do the helpful things I asked him to do (like make the dinner), laughed at my decision not to drink for a month running up to each exam, booked a festival the weekend before the exam as a 'surprise' for me even though it was a band he likes and I don't and I had already told him I needed to keep that weekend clear and then sulked that I refused to go and brought it up again at every single opportunity to remind me how I never did the things he had so kindly arranged for me, had a fit every time he saw me doing anything except revising (despite me telling him a million times that you cannot revise for massive blocks of time)....etc etc. He tells everyone how much he supported me and that I couldn't have done it without him.

So, for me, the little bits of sarcasm need to be kept an eye on!

pony - I have a note in my profile saying I don't respond to being called 'princess' or 'hun' - a guy this week said "hi beautiful", yawn, do I really need a full list of stupid words I don't want to be called?

outtoget 'baby' is the one that gets me annoyed!!

Room for one more? I've dabbled in OLD in the past (when in my 30s) but found it a massive ball ache and now aged 48, a few months out of a 6 year thing, I'm aware I could do with some hand holding, a reality check and probably a huge kick up the arse.

Not prepared to lie about my age (though I could probably shave it down a good few years without anyone questioning that) and am feeling pretty insecure bodywise (size 18, fighting weight a 12). So I'm alternating between believing I'm not fated to spend the rest of my natural on my own/have much to offer the right bloke and that I'm going to die alone in a bungalow that smells of cat wee.

So I've put up a profile today and am going to RTFT to get some inspiration. So glad it's here.

Cover - where do you live?
I too did OLD in my 30's, am now 48, just out of a 7 year relationship....and overweight (14, usually a 12).
No kids, in the process of moving (stressful, overeating!).
Oh, I also have a cat!

Hello coverme I've not quite got back on the OLD bandwagon yet but also did some about 9 years ago. Will be putting up a profile sometime soon (not feeling quite there yet though). Lots of great tips and advice here.

Coverme I'm back here after a brief break. It is a reallly useful hand-holding thread!

Pringle I wonder if your relationships had lasted, would you have ended them yourself? The reason I ask this is that I have ended relationships but there were issues beforehand. I now realise I spend too long trying to assess and give space and be flexible rather than being upfront and saying what I don't like. If I was more direct I'm sure the men may have easily chosen someone else instead. They would have seen that we weren't suited. Do you really wish that any of them had lasted now?

I am glad I'm not with any of the men I've dated. I think next time I have to be more upfront and if they end it early I'll probably be gutted take it.

Lana pringle*

Thought this article was interesting (not that I'm looking to get engaged)

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/technique-relationship-expert-madeleine-mason-engaged-four-months-dating-a7680081.html

Out I'm in the Midlands. No kids and taking delivery of 2 kittens in the summer. I'm middle class. I drink Chardonnay. I'm divorced.
To be frank, I'm only a nipple piercing away from Bridget Jones, except she's decade younger than me. The bitch.

Biddylee you'll know when you're ready, I guess.Truth is I'm gagging for a shag and can't be doing the ONS thing. Another joy of middle age; I appear to have developed some uncharacteristic self-restraint.....

Lana hand holding definitely required. Which may turn into hand clutching after I only get hit on by the over 60s/"hi how r u xx" brigade....

Ta for the welcome

coverme could do with some of the sex too but struggling to get over a recent ex (really not sure why but trying to be grown up (at 44) and not rush out there).

Oh lord beam me up

One day back on OLD and I'm already getting the "heys" and "huns" now I have another dom seeking a submissive. Nothing in my profile suggests that I'm after that if you're in the south west and after this I can pass details on 😂

Biddy thanks for link. I'll never remarry or mix finances again, so a proposal at 4 months would make me run, but the checklist of essentials sounds like a good idea.

cover yeah, don't rush. I knew I wasn't ready until, well, now I guess. One's gut instinct is rarely wrong.

Lana I'm gobsmacked how out there (as in public, not as in unusual; am extremely open-minded) the sexual preferences are. Isn't this something one gets to know of the other person over time? I'd not dream of sharing my deviant proclivities so much so soon; all the goods in the shop window isn't really attractive to me. I like the fun of finding stuff out, which I guess might be really old-fashioned and because I refuse to engage in all that early doors I'll probably come across frigid and vanilla. Hey ho.