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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

999 replies

InfoSec21 · 09/04/2017 19:52

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
InfoSec21 · 17/04/2017 17:17

I don't message anyone in bikini or underwear etc. It looks like you're either showing off or just love showing 'them' off to all and sundry!

OP posts:
heartbroken40 · 17/04/2017 17:23

Info, I think you are a man so would like to ask you for some advice if you don't mind. I am on POF now (with a fake profile as a man) and there are lots of women with very tight dresses and also pouting all the time.

I have no tight dresses, no miniskirts, I don't pout, I don't wear high heels. I am more "girl next door", do you think I have a chance?

I am academically clever, I play the piano, I am well travelled, speak three languages etc but I don't want a total nerd.

As a man, what do you look for? Thanks!

Nipplesunited · 17/04/2017 17:42

You want to be yourself, heartbroken. You dont want to make your profile out to be what you think a man will like. You want it to be you.

My profile consists of very little info. My picture is of my face, no make up and im not even smiling. I have made very little effort for my profile. I still get many, many messages a day. I have had lots of dates, none of which ive wanted to pursue really. Apart from the ones who are emotionally unavailable (my downfall it seems).
I have had people tell me i should put a pic up of me wearing make up but i think to myself...they either like me for who i am or they dont. Im not wearing make up for a pic when i dont wear it.

Biddylee · 17/04/2017 17:51

heartbroken ask a friend to help you chose some pics . Don't worry about makeup, tight dresses etc... There are fit nerdy types and non- nerdy types attracted to smart women - just be yourself and see what happens.

outtoget Photos only show one side of a person - not how they are animated (having said that there is an appalling you tube video of me having been put on the spot -I have not watched it again Grin) I also don't like smiling for the camera - particularly showing my teeth.

OutToGetYou · 17/04/2017 19:03

This is me smiling when the camera is on me:

Dating Thread 116 - come join us!
Lovemusic33 · 17/04/2017 19:06

I don't wear make up, rarely wear a dress and my photos are selfies or me with my dog. I used to get loads of messages but now I get hardly anything but I think I have just been on and off of POF for too long Sad.

Mintychoc1 · 17/04/2017 19:09

Runny I think it's a fitting irony that Mr Gym is going to screw up his relationship with you because he's flattered by the attention from someone else....who also happens to be you! So when you dump him it'll be a double loss for him. Idiot.

Mangoandpassionfruit · 17/04/2017 19:09

You look truly fabulous Outtogetyou 😊
I am of the more rotund variety so I have to try and get that in a photo somehow as I've been told off before for disguising the fact I'm bigger. Errrrrrr there's a full length picture of me on there. OLD is weird.com 😊

OutToGetYou · 17/04/2017 19:21

I just found a short video ex took of me doing sit ups for charity, at the end I am smiling (lord knows why) so I have somehow managed to get a screen grab of that and have replaced one of my photos on POF with that. I am fully dressed in it, btw, it was done just after I got in from work so am in a dress - I've only grabbed the top of the pic as the skirt of my dress rode up with each sit up until it was a bit obscene! That was posted on fb for a while too.

I wear a dress to work every day, but it's not fancy or particularly dressy. I wear a bit of make up but people think I don't wear any as I keep it very light. At home I wear jeans all the time.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 17/04/2017 20:07

I think pics should reflect your usual style. Waiting for last night and today's date to text me. Hate this bit!

Bant · 17/04/2017 20:16

Well.. I'm currently sitting in A&E..

MissCivil went roller skating with her DC, and managed to break her wrist. So now the kids are with their dad, a neighbour drove her to the hospital and I met her here.

She prides herself on being self sufficient and independent, but I think she quite likes (literally) leaning on me at the moment, and I'll drive her home later.

Interesting unexpected date 4..

Mangoandpassionfruit · 17/04/2017 20:21

Well as 4th dates go Bant, that's up there. Hope MissCivil is ok

Dieu · 17/04/2017 20:38

Bant Oh no! I hope she's ok. Why did she contact you though? It seems early days for that ... unless she broke her wrist while you were out with her, of course! Sorry if I sound like a heartless cow Blush

Runny have him turn up for the 'date' but don't be there. You're too dignified for that. Instead, block him on the same day. Unless he's completely brainless, he will put 2 + 2 together anyway. And it will feel like a double shitty whammy to lose you and the 'date' on the same day grins evilly

I currently have 3 irons and each and every single one seems to have fallen off the radar this Easter weekend. Naively, I didn't expect that to happen. I didn't get a reply from the one I texted yesterday, to wish a lovely Easter weekend. Nor from another to whom I sent a supportive email over some issues with his job.
I know they will be back in touch, but I feel invisible this weekend! Are my expectations too high?
Thanks.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 17/04/2017 20:44

Hope Miss Civil is OK! What a dramatic date 4.
I'm still anxiously waiting!

OutToGetYou · 17/04/2017 20:46

I just got a reply from one who messaged me first about three weeks ago, I replied within a day or two and then this three week gap.

I've messaged back but have pointed out that messaging every three weeks isn't going to be very productive. If he doesn't message back in a day or two I'll just delete his messages and ignore any new ones I can appreciate he may have had other 'irons' and come back to me (I don't mind that, we all do it) but that only holds water for so long.

And I've had a new message tonight but not someone I am interested in.

Dieu - I think it's just a family time for most people (not me, I've spent all weekend watching all three full series of Line of Duty, doing laundry, cooking, sleeping and eating chocolate. But I commute 5 hours a day so a four day rest was necessary).

OutToGetYou · 17/04/2017 20:47

Far - have you not heard anything at all since your epic overnight date?

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 17/04/2017 20:50

Well he only left at 5

InfoSec21 · 17/04/2017 20:50

Heartbroken, you are the sort of woman that I look for on POF and there aren't that many of you. I see a lot of women with the pouts and the Snapchat filter rabbit ears and all that, the right dresses and the big boobies spilling all over the place and I just wouldn't have a clue what to do with someone like that. Just not for me. They're for someone, but not me. Someone is looking for exactly what you are so stay true to yourself and be that, and only that.

Remember Angelina Scary I once talked about? She looked like one of those type and I messaged her a little bit ago because her interests were actually very interesting. They didn't seem to match her look at all. She'd changed her picture though and I clicked her today, now she says she does web cam work and some glamour model work. Absolutely not for me!!

I've been chatting to a local girl today, she contacted me. She's funny, very homely and sensible, good job. She has the wheelchair hence my question earlier, was just interested what people think of that. The chat is going good, will be interested to see how it pans out.

A woman I was chatting to a while back, she vanished completely out of the blue, she just added me as a favourite. Justice is served.

OP posts:
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 17/04/2017 20:51

He held my hand and we walked and talked for hours and hours. It would've taken him an hour and a half to get home I think and I know his phone had no battery. He wants to see me on fri and sat and we have already discussed plans. So it'd be weird for him to vanish. But online dating is weird.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 17/04/2017 20:59

Yay he messaged!!!! He wants me to come out with his work mates Friday and he wants to go exclusive but I told him it was too early

heartbroken40 · 17/04/2017 21:07

Thanks info, I feel reassured. I thought only busty or women with pout had a chance in the jungle that is online dating.

I guess I need to keep looking, Mr banker was really attractive but not the right person for me.

OutToGetYou · 17/04/2017 21:14

Oh, lovely he's so keen but I really wouldn't want to meet his workmates so soon if ever.

First couple of months you need to just get to know each other, eat cake and stare into each other's eyes and, hopefully, shag. All that meeting other people is for later.

heartbroken - well, I think that look might be aesthetically pleasing to (some) men but also a bit scary. Think about a musclebound hunk - you might know he looks attractive, but not really what you want?

People like that can also be very high-maintenance.

I am very low maintenance. I have to try hard to look like I tried even a bit, frankly! (I do have nice boobs though, but they are most definitely not on public display!)

RunnnyMummy · 17/04/2017 21:15

The situation with Mr Gym took an unexpected turn this evening. He messaged to say he wanted to meet me as he needed to talk. I thought he was going to dump me. But instead he confessed to messaging someone and agreeing to meet them.
Said he didn't know why he did it. He was flattered by the attention but after he thought about it, he realised it was wrong.
He still hasn't worked out it was me doing the messaging! And he has now dumped the fake me and hidden his profile.

We talked about how we felt about each other. We have got very close quite quickly which has scared both of us. And we talked about what sort of relationship we want.

I was quite shocked that he did this. I know I should just tell him where to go and that I can probably never fully trust him. But I think we actually want the same thing. And everything has just happened too quickly so we haven't had time to talk about feelings and the future etc etc.

So in the end I said I needed time to think about it all. I'm just too confused by what's happened to make any decisions right now.

OutToGetYou · 17/04/2017 21:24

Maybe go back to the start and have a few gentle dates with nothing physical and no expectations, for the next few weeks?

Polarbearflavour · 17/04/2017 21:24

Mr Scientist is away cycling on holiday...messaged me today, very chatty and nice and he said was I free this weekend for date number 2, we are going for a Sunday roast Smile

3 more first dates this week - another doctor, project manager at work and a train driver!