Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Google image search brought up nothing. I have tried searching facebook but i cant find anything on there either.
I wish i could just quit now. It is hard work this online dating

Hello all. Question from me. For those who don't remember the previous post, a guy from tinder asked me a clear photo, then disappeared. He then reappeared and we spoke and I told him all the truth about me (I had lied about a couple of things). Then he called me on the phone and we spoke for a couple of hours.

He told me all his problems with his ex wife (a narcissist), he told me he has a girlfriend but he is not sure he loves her.

Since then, contact has been sporadic. I answer when he texts but never initiate contact.

Will be in London in a couple of weeks for work, should I tell him? Only if he ever texts again he has now disappeared since Friday.

Thanks for the advice, I will really never learn this old malarkey.

I meant I will be in London for work (where he lives).

Runny good on you. Sorry he turned out to be a dick.

heartbroken, I wouldn't. He's not keen enough.

Heartbroken if he has a girlfriend, I really wouldn't get in contact. I know it's difficult if you like someone and it's not like he's married but he was disrespectful to you over the photos (it was pretty obvious you'd feel crap about him going quiet after seeing them) and he's being extremely disrespectful and deceptive towards his girlfriend. He just doesn't sound that nice. Forget him.

Thanks cloud, that is what I thought. What a shame I really liked him. There will be others I guess.

Easter thanks. I am actually decent looking but I really look terrible in photos. Shall I get some professional ones taken I wonder?

Also I am quite conservative I don't want to put photos of me in bikini or looking provocative is that a problem? Do men want to see that sort of stuff?

I would avoid things like bikini photos as you'd probably tend to get messages from blokes with one thing on their minds.
In a way it's a good thing if you don't look that great in photos, it'll weed out anyone shallow and they'll get a nice surprise when they actually meet you! Better that way round.

I wouldn't go down the professional photo route, it would look too unnatural and possibly like you were trying too hard? Maybe find an outfit you really like yourself in and get a friend on board to take some carefully planned 'spontaneous' shots. I need someone to do that for me actually!

heartbroken don't bother with him.
For photo ideas sign up to POF or another site as a man looking for a woman. Then you can look through some photos to get ideas. I did this initially. It was very helpful. Just make sure you hide your profile as even with no photo and very little info there will be people who still message you.

Runny thanks that is a great idea. I really don't know how to look good but I also want it to be clear that I am looking for a relationship not just sex. I will do it tonight just checking all the ladies of my age and see the looks I like so that I can replicate.

This 2017 so far has been one disappointment after the other.

Hope you are well, Runny.

I'm not keen on people telling me much about their ex's, it's disrespectful and also shows to some extent they are not over it. Also, I'd not be in contact with someone who said he had a girlfriend he 'wasn't sure he loved' - well, tell HER that, not me.

Out, he is just in the midst of a very bad divorce battle as they both want custody.

I think he said he is seeing someone (rather than he has a girlfriend), I can't remember as it was a very long phone conversation.

But the message is clear, he is not someone with whom I should continue. It is just that I felt the connection that I feel with very few people, but I am sure there are others out there.

heartbroken - he says he's in the middle of a very bad divorce where they both want custody......honestly, don't take his word for it. I bet her story is quite different.

Am I too naive? He sounded so angry with her, maybe it was all a show. As we both work in a specific field, I think we have only one degree of separation, so could ask my friends.

But...do I want to spend time on something that is probably going nowhere?

Don't know, I feel I am too invested. But as I said, so far in my life I have felt the connection with one man (who recently treated me appallingly) and with him (plus with my three best girlfriends and I am obviously still friend with them).

I can't stop thinking about him, he is also a distraction from the end of a 23 year old relationship (on and off).

Yeah, I've found that anyone who talks angrily about their ex, tends to not be in the right state of mind for a healthy relationship. They're angry or bitter, or so wounded that they're paranoid and desperate.

Lots of people on OLD aren't really in a healthy place, I think.

Openly discussing what a bitch/bastard their ex is, is a big red flag as far as I'm concerned.

heartbroken if he's really angry with his ex that's a bit of a red flag too. He's either a twat playing the victim or just not ready to date. I'm still stuck on the photo thing as well, not contacting you after that is shit to be honest.

Looks like I have lots of catching up to do tonight. Been away for the weekend, a weekend free from OLD, well I did have a look on tinder just out of curiosity and it was full of nice fit surfers (holiday in Cornwall/Devon) .

Mr Beard continued to message me when I was away and then went quite on me, apparently he went to the pub with his friends and they suggested they all left their phones at home (which was fine) but then after he had been drinking and got home he sent me a rude text which kind of pissed me off so I have been a bit cold with him since.

No new messages on POF so not a lot going on.

heartbroken you haven't yet met him, he isn't local to you, he's in a relationship (of some sort), he's bad-mouthing his ex - I would cut contact. It sounds like he is using you.

Thanks all, time to move on, I won't spend another moment bothering you all. Time to find someone else, then. But first I need some decent photos. Just signed up to POF as a man and the ladies look really good and so confident.

I need to do some work on the "presentation". But I am determined to at least have a few dates without the aggro, just to enjoy a different night out.

You're not bothering me! I'm massively sympathetic as I'm also a bit stuck on a wrong un at the moment and I definitely get how intimidating OLD can be, it's all about image and I hate photos of myself!
Definitely try to go on a few dates with people you feel comfortable with, not the big passion/ love of your life types but just someone nice you can have fun with. It'll boost your confidence and you won't be so hung up on this guy, plus you may actually find you click with someone unexpectedly.

I think 'going through a divorce' is bad, not ready to date, especially if he is 'angry' at her, but that PLUS seeing someone else he is already dissing? This is not a good man. Add in the way he behaved around your photos.....

Sorry. I think you're looking for that connection and seeing something that is not there, or he has worked out how to create the illusion of a connection with you.

I think you've already decided to kick him to the kerb, but it's useful to reflect I think on how you got to here.

Oh, sorry, a few more posts appeared - you're not bothering us, we just want to make sure you're not 'heartbroken' again :)

He has a Southern European background, maybe those men behave differently? Or is human nature the same all over? I really don't know.

It is all a big joke for some men, they never think how they are playing with our feelings. My ex did something so, so bad to me and now this.

But I don't want to wallow in self pity, I will just move on as I said. Time to find a friend who is good with a camera, I guess...

My photos aren't that great, I look better animated, and looking at other women's they all look lovely, happy and smiley (I am incapable of smiling on camera).
Hey ho.