Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

runnymummy

So sorry that mr Gym has turned out to be a twit (that's me being very polite about it). It's horrible when you get mixed messages from someone - buying nice presents but happy to meet a random woman particularly when you have talked about exclusivity - yikes - just leaves a terribly confused feeling.

As others have suggested, don't waste anymore time on him. You deserve a good guy not a creep.

RunnnyMummy You've had a massive shock. Hog the thread as much as you like. We can all empathise and just want to make sure you're OK. If you're coping OK now, it may hit you harder later, so scream, cry and vent as much as you like whenever you like.

Still can't get over what a jerk he is. And how stupid.

Hi all, I'm hoping to get some sense talked into me if that's ok! I've been in touch with someone for a while and I like(d) him but due to complicated things I won't go into we haven't met up yet. I sent him a text yesterday morning just a short friendly message and he read it but still hasn't replied. He's often a bit sporadic about contact and I've thought before he's probably 'not that into me' because of that, but he can also be incredibly lovely at other times so it's been difficult to let it go. After this last ignoring me incident and the fact we haven't actually been on a date yet, I think it's probably time to accept he's not interested (enough) and properly move on, delete and block etc but I'm finding it hard to pull the plug.

What would you advise? I need to draw a line under this don't I?

pringlecat that's very kind, thank you.
I still can't believe how stupid he is. I tell him I looked him up on POF and he admits to messaging someone but doesn't put two and two together and realise it's me!
And we discovered that he knows a good friend of mine. So she's out for his blood as well!

I'm sorry that he messaged again and went for the date idea, true colours came through.

Please don't meet him. The damage is done and you won't feel any better for turning up listening to more bullshit. If you want to have the last victory, set the date and don't turn up. Knowing he's sat there waiting for someone that doesn't exist should feel pretty good.

You are way too good for this guy.

Eastername so you haven't met up at all yet? I find that both myself and guys on OLD who I haven't met yet tend to be a bit more lax in replying to communications as bad as that is. Maybe because the other person doesn't quite seem "real". So I wouldn't worry if he just hasn't replied for a day, hopefully you're not too invested having not met him yet. Keep talking to other guys and if this one does eventually want to meet then great. Personally I have an iron who I met on bumble over 3 weeks ago and due to his holiday and my recent illness we've kept cancelling on each other, id like to meet him but until I do and decide whether I'm bothered about the "real" him, I won't lose sleep over it. You'll have enough time to stress about comma after you've met them/had a few dates/dtd without overthinking the pre-meet stage! I'd just keep him on the back burner.

I got bored of both my irons - both messaged me first and seemed promising, nice messages though questions v simple like "how's your weekend" etc.

I sent friendly replies, each time with more interesting questions based on their profiles or something in my answer, and both of them just replied with pretty dull messages and didn't invite any further response from me - no question or further link to anything I had said. So, just can't be bothered to keep a conversation going on my own. Plus, I have chocolate to eat!

*comms not comma!!

Easter - read back what you posted. You don't like him - you haven't met him.

It's all bullshit until it happens. So far you've exchanged words on a screen with someone who doesn't seem to be particularly good at responding with more words on a screen. That is all this is, so far.

I think deleting and blocking is a bit harsh, but as he's ignored you, you should ignore him for a bit.

This happens all the time with OLD. You feel a connection with someone you haven't met, because your own brain wants to romanticise about someone and you fill in the gaps in what they're actually saying.

But you haven't met him and while he can be incredibly lovely some of the time, he's not actually that into you if he's not replying.

Just go quiet and see if he steps up, and becomes consistent. Until you've met him, he's just words on a screen.

I have been away over Easter.
There has been so much date action here. It mainly sounds great.
Have not read it all yet.

Great news Bant

Awful Mr Gym-man Runny I would do want to meet him...but know I would not be civil. He is an absolute waste of space and unwilling to change I guess.

Eastername you have not met him. Please do not.

I am on the train on my way to a 1st date. First one since Mr Car who ended up being an arse.

Nervous as hell

Here's one for you all. Just be honest too, I'm interested in your opinions. Would you date someone in a wheelchair?

I would SO want to.meet him Runny and give him a piece of my mind.

Thanks PrincessMolly. I think I do feel a bit more invested than I should because we've been in contact for a while. Very valid genuine reasons we haven't met up yet but that in itself has gone on for too long and is another reason to forget it I think. It's just difficult to make the final decision, I know if I don't block him I'll keep it open as a possibility in my head and I think we're going round in circles at this stage / it's fizzled out. So it feels like moving on would probably be healthier for me as I like to keep things simple. I know keeping him on the back burner might be a good alternative but it's taking up too much headspace.

AIBU to think it would have taken him about thirty seconds to send a quick response to my message? It was literally just saying I hoped he was having a good Easter. It's whatsapp so I can see he's been online.

Someone in a wheelchair.
Hell yes.

Woul you date a red head Infosec???

Yeah Easter he could definitely have replied to you. But like I say I just think it's this mindset where you're not quite a "real person" yet. You can't take it too personally. I'm a bit nervous atm because after 2 excellent dates quite close together I have not been able to see my current #1 iron for a week due to unexpected health issues on my part and I' really don't want it to lose momentum as realistically the earliest I'll be ok enough to see him will be this thurs/fri. Even though I've met him (and dtd) I don't want the momentum to be lost, and I think that in your case if you still haven't met and he's not even sending quick replies, maybe the moment has passed and he's got someone else on the front burner?

Oh Runny, so sorry, haven't read all, this is just so crap and just plays with your head. It's horrid. I had exactly the same thing, still upsets me now. We had a conversation one night about a weekend away for his birthday and planning future things. Back on POF the next morning. I do think it's an addiction thing, it's bizzare. Hope you're ok

Info yes would date someone in a wheelchair why not?

Eastername, The whole thing about developing a relationship over messages and texts is bonkers and I've been very guilty of it. As bant says it's all bullshit til it happens and even then it's sometimes still bullshit 😩 Thicker skins in order.

Yeh I'd date a redhead!

I'm just curious what people think about that as it's one that would split opinion I'm sure. There is stigma out there, just curious what people on here think about that. I would btw.

Hi Molly, you're right, I think the moment has passed. It's just disappointing. I don't think it's the not quite being a real person thing, although I know what you mean there. We've had some quite meaningful chats which I know is a bad idea pre meeting up, I definitely won't do that again. It's just he seemed really interesting, and I was out of the country for a period of time and then he had an injury but that was a little while ago. I think he's just being a bit rude and disinterested really, though it's fair enough if he's moved on I guess. Bugger. I would have been up for at least meeting but the pattern of ignoring me and then being nice is making me feel like a mug, I haven't chased him but I've always been responsive whereas he hasn't been consistent so it feels unbalanced.

Sorry to hear you've had some health issues, wishing you a speedy recovery and hope things go well with the new man.

@lettucesoup thanks for your reply, just noticed it. Why do you say definitively not to meet him? Not that I'm disagreeing or think it's likely to happen now.

Runny

'Hi, it was me that was messaging you, you utter cockmunch. Fuck off now. Thanks xx'

Runny I wouldn't go to the date on Wednesday. Don't put yourself out for this twat, just let him wait for someone who's not going to turn up and send him a text like the one above.

If you really wanted to go on wednesday runny...you could get a male friend to accompany you for a "date" at the time he is meant to meeting fake you.

Runny sorry to hear that he is such a liar. I would break it off and walk away.

Nipples try a Google image search. Or use his name/location/job to search for him on Facebook if you know them.

cloudchasing I like it. I may use it. In the meantime I'm having fun messaging Mr Gym as fake me. I've also set up my own profile on POF (for when I'm ready to try again). I haven't put a photo up yet but I've viewed his profile and my username should give me away if he looks at 'who's viewed me'
I'm not going to meet him on Wednesday. He can sit and wait for his fake date. And while he's waiting I'll send the text dumping him.