Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

NipplesUnited I wouldn't want to be Facebook friends with someone I'd never met. Don't like the idea of a stranger looking at my pics and posts etc. I'm sure he can find a couple of hours to meet up for a walk/coffee x

Enough money for a single date? Sorry, he sounds like a chump. Next!

Huge thanks for everyone's messages of support. I couldn't manage OLD without this thread and the lovely people here.

I went to see Mr Gym yesterday. Told him I had checked POF and found that he'd been online quite a bit over the last few days. He admitted that he had as he hadn't used it for a while and was going to delete his profile but got sucked back into looking at people.
He also said that someone had messaged him which hadn't happen for a while so he felt flattered and couldn't resist responding. And he added that he liked swiping on Tinder as well.
I gave him an ultimatum. Either he was with me or he carried on swiping and messaging but he couldn't do both.
He said he wanted to be with me. We had a lovely day out and he stayed at mine last night.
However he didn't seem to realise that it had been me messaging him on POF and I didn't say anything. So I will be watching to see if he tries to carry on chatting with fake me.
Like someone said he seems to be addicted to OLD and I can understand that in a way. For now I'm giving him a second chance but he won't get another

Sounds a bit bullshitty to me.

He's saving for a deposit on a house and can't find time/money for a coffee in the next six weeks? You're not talking about going on holiday together, you're talking about meeting, briefly, to see if he's who he says he is and whether you find each other attractive.

Sorry runnny my last comment was for nipples

However, as to mr gym.

Sounds a bit bullshitty to me there too. He was flattered enough by being messaged by someone with no profile photos that he flirted with them?

He may stop going on there while he thinks you're checking up on him but .. what happens when he thinks he's safe to do so again?

All you can do is continue the honey trap and see if he continues replying.

But you really shouldn't have to. He should be happy enough with you to delete his profile without you even asking him to do so, surely?

Hmmm Runny I'd be having serious doubts about this guy. He appears to have the whole sweet shop mentality and I think that's quite a big red flag in my experience. He clearly loves the ego boost of receiving a message from women on pof or tinder.

Actions speak louder than words where men are concerned, don't forget this.

I would message him again on pof as fake woman and see if he replies.

If he was seriously into you I don't think he would be wanting to still peruse internet dating sites! Sorry don't want to sound harsh but I think he is full of shit.

Runnny I'm sure you must have a gut feeling about it and it sounds like you think he's okay. At least he admitted messaging someone and you managed to get out of that without saying it was you.

Even better now that you can play one final test with your fake account and then either drop him or forget it and move forwards with a clean slate as you don't want to start something based on a trust issue.

Thanks everyone. Mr Gym confesses to messaged someone without me asking. He seemed to readily admit to being addicted to the sites.
I think he's spent too long on them over the years and isn't ready/hasn't adjusted to the idea of giving them up and being with one person.

I don't like the idea of trapping him with a fake profile but I will send him a message today and see how/if he responds.

You are probably all right. There must be some odd reason for why he is more than happy to meet at the end of may.
I will keep chatting when he messages, but think nothing more of it than what it is. Just texting.
I agree with the facebook. I just dont know how else to check him out online.

Runny - i hope mr gym passes the trap test. Addicted or not. I hope he is able to see what is infront of him and get rid of the online sites

Mr Gym has failed the test. I asked a friend if I could borrow her photo. Sent it to Mr Gym and suggested a date on Wednesday evening. And he fell for it. He named the pub and the time.
Now I have to decide do I meet him there and see what he says or leave him waiting for a date that won't happen.

Uh runny what an ass he is. I would just ghost him

OMG Runny

I didnt like the sound of it and he has proved by his actions who he is

Dont know if I would bother meeting him. I would just say I didnt trust him block and move on.

RunnyMummy how many dates have you been on with him? I be tempted to turn up and see him try and get out of that. What an absolute pig he is x

I wouldn't turn up. Set the date, time and place, and then just not show. And block and delete him. Until then just be too busy to chat or see him.

You already know who he is, you don't need to set yourself up for revenge or humiliation. Just leave him confused and wondering what happened.

Sorry this happened runny. What a twat he is.

I've been seeing him about a month. He's stayed over at my house twice now. I've stayed at his as well. He bought me a lovely and thoughtful Easter gift that wasn't cheap. His actions with me are completely at odds with what he's doing online.
Real me suggested a date on Wednesday but he says he's working. It's tempting to ghost him but also to see the look on his face when I walk into the pub.

Runnymummy
De-lurking again as I feel so strongly about this. I was going to post earlier to say it sounded like bull,but stayed quiet. Please don't waste any more of your time on him; why meet him again to confront him when it just drags it on even longer? You're possibly nothing like me,but when I was in your situation I clutched at straws hoping he could come up with some reason for his behaviour. I really thought I'd met a good one and couldn't understand how his actions were so different to his words.
My take on it is: he wrecked your Saturday night as you no doubt spent it feeling rubbish and anxious about confronting him on Sunday. Why let him wreck the next few days too? Best to send him a well worded,cutting message that retains your dignity then block and move on. Yes,it hurts. Yes,you wonder how on earth you trust the next one. And you still can't get how he could seem so perfect and be an utter sh*t. But a couple of weeks-4 Max-and you'll be over him. Please don't waste any more precious hours of your life on this idiot.
So sorry. OLD is just so flipping hard at times .

RunnnyMummy Please, please, please, don't waste any more time on this guy. It is not your job to rehabilitate him into being a real adult and dating one person. He is a moron. An absolute moron. You are worth so much more than this. It's temping to keep playing with him because he's messed with you, but the more time you spend on this, the more time you spend on him, and the more likely you are to get sucked back in.

Yes, you invested time in him. But you're done now. You've learned something from the experience (Mr Gym is a twat and you don't like twats) and that's valuable. Don't give him any more headspace.

I'm so sorry he turned out to be like this. I really am. Do not let him take any more of your precious time.

AbiwanKenobi thank you. I have been through this before. I was seeing someone, who I thought was a good friend, for nearly two years after my divorce. He promised me the world. Then I discovered he was sexting any woman he could. He was on all the sleazy websites doing it. I tried to convince myself that he would change.

I thought Mr Gym was different. But he seems to be the same. And he won't change either.
Time for a break then move on. I'll decide on Wednesday if i meet him but probably not. What you said makes a lot of sense.

Ugh Runny, I'm sorry - what a twat. So much worse doing that after your recent conversation too. Disgusting behaviour.
I agree with standing him up (perhaps even with fake you and real you so he is stood up twice) and blocking him, so he ends up with neither of 'you'.

I personally wouldn't be able to resist going to deliver the blow on weds runny-- but only if I felt 100% confident he wouldn't be able to talk me round. In which case, there's not really much point anyway. Hopefully the fact that he's so dishonest is a big turn off and you can walk away with relative ease.

Runny he has shown you who he is. You deserve so much better than this. Walk away.

Totally agree with everyone Runny you can do so much better than this. He's an idiot.

Runnymummy
That's the hard part,when you think they're different. And then they turn out to be just like the ones you've dated before. Wish there was some way to be sure,but all you can do is keep your wits about you and try not to overinvest-but of course we all do once we're a few dates in as we think we know them. And what I hate above all else is the rollercoaster of emotions that OLD has you riding.
Hope you're ok and you manage to do something nice today.

RunnnyMummy on the bright side, you've shown yourself to be way too smart for him to get away with lying and sneaking around. although I'd be tempted to turn up, the best thing to do is just block and ghost him with no explanation whatsoever.

Thank you everyone.
Now I promise not to hog the thread anymore.
Bring on the tales of happy dating