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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

999 replies

InfoSec21 · 09/04/2017 19:52

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
fortunacookie · 15/04/2017 16:46

Well I'm so very happy I think I've finally met my missing piece of my life jigsaw. Mr private n I got off to a bumpy start but when we met wow I felt such a sense of calm and serenity no word of a lie...he is a very anxious/stress head to the point of having a nervous cough n he was actually shaking when we met but by the end of it we were like a couple who'd been together years...was surreal n relaxing. We text a lot...I feel like he on exact same page as me, I'm so attracted to him but it's not even about sex it's like I've found my best mate n sexy lover...

Pass the sick bucket Grin

fortunacookie · 15/04/2017 16:48

We haven't DTD yes, just reread my post n looks like we have..HE wants to wait a bit m get to know each other...

RunnnyMummy · 15/04/2017 21:43

Help! I have a problem. Things have been going really well with Mr Gym. We had the talk about being exclusive and he agreed. But....He was showing me something on his phone the other evening and I noticed he had a POF message icon. He'd said he was on there but didn't use it anymore.
So guess what? I created a fake profile, found him. It said he'd been online today. I messaged him and he replied almost straight away. He's supposed to be out with his mates tonight.
So now what? I'm supposed to be spending the day with him tomorrow. How do I tell him what I know?

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 15/04/2017 21:51

Oh no. I'm sorry. Please don't let him explain that away. The fact that he messaged means he's active and searching - so he's lied to you. I'd actually be inclined not to tell him but just say you aren't feeling it. He needs his confidence denting!

Wingletang1 · 15/04/2017 21:52

Ahh RunnyMummy, didn't want to leave you hanging not many around here today. I feel for you, I had this with mrchef the trouble was it then got in my head and I was always checking if he was online. I finished with him in the end, not just because of that but other things aswell. So when he replied he didn't know it was you? What did he say?

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 15/04/2017 21:53

The thing is if he agreed to be exclusive, it's cheating.

Plentyoffishnets · 15/04/2017 21:53

Runny, that's a difficult one as I don't think you can tell him about the fake profile.
I think you need to bring up the exclusivity chat and say that would have to include removing old profiles and to stop messaging others. And see how he reacts to that? And decide whether you want to test again with your fake profile? But I think if it comes to that it's a pretty bad sign.

Up to date 6 things were going really well for me with Mr pizza. Now I'm not so sure. Date 7 earlier on in the week and possibly a bit of showing of true colours and he is showing a complete lack of flexibility over something which although not a total deal breaker is also quite irritating and also showing possible control issues/selfishness to me. Messaging has noticeably slowed down since so he may be having similar doubts too. Not really sure going forward what this means but we do have another date lined up for next week. Will see how the next few days pan out but it's not really bothering me so I guess that probably tells me all I need to know!

RunnnyMummy · 15/04/2017 21:59

Thanks everyone. We had the exclusivity chat and he assured me he wasn't looking. I told him that I had deleted my profiles and expected him to do the same and he agreed.
I consider messaging other women to be cheating when you've agreed to be exclusive.
I don't want to spend the day with him tomorrow knowing that he has lied to me.
My fake profile and him have exchanged a few flirty messages. I've no photo on there and very little info.

Popcornandjam · 15/04/2017 22:00

runny I had exactly the same thing with the guy I've been seeing just after we agreed to be exclusive. I did what you did, found him and saw he's been online.
I said one of my friends had noticed him on there and had sent me a screen shot to check it was him.
I sent it on to him with a question mark and he rang straight away, absolutely horrified.
Apparently he'd gone in to tie up some loose ends as he didn't want to just leave other conversations hanging.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt and he uninstalled it in front of my eyes.
I checked for a couple of days afterwards but nothing there. Don't bother checking anymore as I trust him and, as far as you can know anyone, think we're on the same page Smile

Popcornandjam · 15/04/2017 22:02

Sorry X post - seems he's active on there so it would be bye bye Mr Gym from me. I'd let him know I knew though.

Wingletang1 · 15/04/2017 22:03

Flirty messages to someone with no photo!!! Dump him. I'm so sorry but deserve better than that Flowers

RunnnyMummy · 15/04/2017 22:08

Thanks popcorn I have to confront him about it.
I just don't know how. Do I want until I see him tomorrow or message him now?
I can't ever trust him again. I don't think I can trust any man again - this has happened to me before.

fortunacookie · 15/04/2017 22:10

Oh dear runnny that's a shitty thing to do. Sweet shop mentality if these men is untrue. No way would I go? I think you need to get rid but we are not walking in your shoes

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 15/04/2017 22:14

I'd get rid. But it's horrid. Don't let it put you off all men though. There are good ones out there. I say that as the survivor of pretty horrific emotional abuse in my last relationship. Never ever lose faith x

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 15/04/2017 22:15

Do whatever makes you feel better. Message now if you feel you want to. Leave it till tomorrow if you'd rather do it face to face.

fortunacookie · 15/04/2017 22:16

Yeah deffo some decent ones out there...thankfully I snapped up mr private before the lure of pof got to him n we both have deleted our profiles now

AbiWanKenobi · 15/04/2017 22:22

Runnymummy
So sorry. I'd do it by message tonight and have done. The first guy I ever met and dated from OLD did this; nearly three months in,saying he loved me etc and found he was online constantly. It's rubbish how the sweet shop mentality keeps them looking even when they've found something good; I genuinely believe it becomes an addiction for some men.
And I know how it feels,sleepless night ahead and feeling so low. Thinking of you; you're worth much,much more than this Flowers

RunnnyMummy · 15/04/2017 22:23

He's still messaging the fake me!
I was going to text him but I think I want to do this face to face tomorrow. If I text him he will probably just disappear.

AbiWanKenobi · 15/04/2017 22:27

Runnymummy
I guess it's a case of doing what feels right for you. Will be interesting to see him caught out face to face!,and no doubt try to wriggle out of it. I admire your guts for going for the in person approach Smile

Dieu · 15/04/2017 22:39

Runny he needs a blow to his self-esteem. I would message back as your alter ego, to say that you have changed your mind about him, as he's really ugly! Wink And then dump his lying ass.
Hugs for you (((Runny))). A crap situation indeed.

Biddylee · 15/04/2017 22:42

Runnymummy Really sorry to hear this. Ditch mr gym. Might be worth telling him about your fake profile - nothing to lose and might make him think twice.

(I can't believe the cheek of some guys - although my recent ex text me again yesterday to say he missed me and he knows he shouldn't be contacting me but he just needed to be honest (all a bit passive aggressive)) Sad

RunnnyMummy · 15/04/2017 22:57

Thanks for everyone's support. I'm going to screenshot the messages and show them to him tomorrow.
I want to see his face when he realises he's been caught.
Then I'll dump him.
Will update tomorrow. Now I have to try and sleep.

OutToGetYou · 15/04/2017 23:13

My now-ex did that after we'd got together, saw he was still on the site. He claimed he was only there cos I was, it was difficult to argue but really, looking back, it was one of a whole row of bunting made of red flags I should have taken more notice of. Or, I should have had more bloody self respect than to keep seeing him.

Good luck Runny, OLD is hard enough without this shit.

Forme2016 · 15/04/2017 23:18

Runnnymummy delurking to wish you well. This whole game is tough and that's one of the worst, when you think you've found a decent one only to discover he's not.

Good on you for taking it to him in person Flowers

Pavonia · 15/04/2017 23:26

Runny sorry to hear about this. It is a lesson to all of us that in the very early days we really don't know them.